The Death of Superman

Epilogue

2010-01-09T07:38:00.001-08:00

That promised new project for 2010 is starting... early. Um, not to let too much of the cat out of the bag, but a preview of sorts is up now, and the official home of the new project will be here:
http://batmancomesout.blogspot.com/

Eulogy

2009-12-26T07:55:00.000-08:00

Excerpted from the Daily Planet, December 21, written by Perry White:

This morning at 2:31 AM Eastern Standard Time Clark Kent, known to most of the world as Superman, passed away due to complications from cancer at Metropolis General Hospital. Kent is survived by his wife, Lois Lane-Kent, and mother, Martha. His loss will be felt for years.

Clark will be buried in an open funeral in Metropolis Gardens Cemetery at 11 AM on Saturday. He will be eulogized by Bruce Wayne, popularly known as the Batman, who will break ground on a “functional” monument to Superman, the country’s largest homeless and civic center, at the end of the ceremony. The text of his eulogy is posted below:

Not all of you knew Clark Kent. Some of you knew him only from his reporting, or as that man in the sky with the “S” on his chest, but those were just the tip of the spear. Clark was always more than the sum of his parts, more than a godlike alien, or a farmboy from Kansas, an urban reporter, a hero- even a husband, son and friend.

I’ve been privileged, more than perhaps any other human being, because I’ve known Clark in many of those capacities. I served with him proudly in the Justice League, and I’ll say it now that I was proud to call him my friend. I even had the opportunity, as owner of the Daily Planet, to see him work, and on a few occasions I was graced to dine with his family and his wife.

But the one thing everyone should know about Clark Kent: his most amazing ability was his humanity. A lot of people, and I would probably count myself among them, are better in adversity. But Clark was the opposite. When bad things happened, he was absolutely the person you wanted to have around, but it was in the down time that he thrived.

I remember we were in Jarhanpur, and buildings were collapsing. It’s true, when a building is falling over, Superman is invaluable, but Flash, Diana, J’onn, whatever Green Lantern you have in tow- they’re all good at pulling people out of falling buildings. But afterwards, when there were still people missing in the rubble, when we needed someone who could look at the survivors and say, “Don’t lose hope-” that was Clark. And there is no one who will ever be able to say it like he could, no one who can make even me believe.

And that’s just it. In the days, weeks and years that come, people will remember him for his strength, his speed, and his amazing abilities. But what we’ve lost here isn’t a superhuman, because there are many left who will fill that void; what we’ve lost is the most human person I’ve ever known.

There was a time or two I joked with him about that, how he always elevated the man above the super; I suggested he start wearing an “M” on his chest instead. He laughed, and said then people would start calling him Marvel Man, and there’d be another legal battle with Captain Marvel.

It’s okay to laugh; Clark would have wanted us to.

Clark loved all of us; I don’t say that with an ounce of hyperbole, and despite its messianic overtones. Perhaps because he was not literally human, he was granted perspective, on all of our faults, our failings; he loved humanity for all the potential we possessed, despite all the times we squander it.

I remember the first time I saw him cry. He was struggling with the totality of the responsibility he’d undertaken. He’d tried listening to the sounds of the city, all of the fights and petty bickering, the mistrust and lies; he was thinking about being more proactive, going after crime before it became violent, intervening before punches were thrown. And it overwhelmed him.

He asked, “Why can’t things- why can’t people- be better?” I remember I laughed at him, and thought he was naïve. But there were moments when those words came back to me, when I thought, “Why can’t they?” So I tried to be better. I tried to do more. To encourage more.

There were times when I wanted to be him. Not for the power, but because he had one ability I could never match, for all the cleverness of my engineers, for all the tricks I could pull there was one thing I could only encourage him to do because I couldn’t: inspire.

And he inspired a generation, a whole generation of people only some of whom were foolish enough to adopt his fashion sense and leap off rooftops, but a generation of people who work in soup kitchens and volunteer, who work to build a better world than the one they found. A generation who made him proud of his adoptive world.

Clark’s only super power that ever surprised me was his ability to be better every day. He raised the bar for excellence, and every day he surpassed it. And I know that Clark didn’t do it because he had abilities beyond what most people can fathom, but because of who he was. He excelled by being kinder, or more understanding, by consistently putting the needs of others before his own. The only time he’s let me down, the only time he truly disappointed me, was by dying; it’s hard to fathom the possibility of a world without a Superman, and I’m disappointed that we’ll all now have to try.

I didn’t come here to bury my friend, but to tell you who he was. But I think he has one last power, because I don’t think Clark Kent has died. I think what he accomplished will live in our memories far beyond mortal leaders. I believe in our next generation, our children won’t look to us and say they want to be President, because they’ve seen a better purpose and a better office than that. They’ll say, “I want to be Superman.”

And that world would very definitely be a better one than the one that Clark found. Lois, Martha, I speak for all of us when I say you’ll be in our hearts; we love you as surely as we loved him.

Hospital

2009-12-21T02:43:00.000-08:00

Impending Demise: You’re in a hospital room, one your doctors don’t seem optimistic you’ll walk out of.

Superman: Yes.

ID: What happened? A few weeks ago you didn’t look- you’re a shell of the man you were even a month ago.

S: The League. We did what we always do, stepped up to a challenge with everything we had, with sometimes unorthodox methodology.

ID: Care to elaborate?

S: Kryptonite radiation therapy. The thinking was, if normal radiation didn’t work on the cancer cells, maybe the kind of radiation I’m vulnerable to would work like normal radiation on a human being. Apparently Bruce has been trying to set it up for six months, now, tracking down anyone with even a passing experience with kryptonite, Metallo, the Kryptonite Man. The missing link, though, the one they needed to piece everything together was Conduit. He is able to project kryptonite radiation, so he was the one who really held the key. But from what we gather Lex Luthor had the same notion, and had taken Conduit and put him into a kind of supervillian witness protection program. Bruce has been harrowing Lex and his interests ever since, including a few hostile takeovers of his assets- he’d been hoping to make revenge too expensive for Lex. But he was also coordinating one of the most sophisticated man-hunts in the history of the League, involving the Birds of Prey as they like to be called, and the Martian Manhunter, to name only a few.

Eventually Bruce tracked Conduit back to Kansas. And I hope I’m not uh talking out of school, but I say back to Kansas because he and I grew up in the same home town. His real name is Ken Braverman. His parents were actually driving to the hospital for his birth when my rocket from Krypton arrived. A chunk of the ship broke off entering the atmosphere and landed in the road in front of the Braverman’s car, and caused his dad to put the car into a ditch. Ken was born in the backseat, and their proximity to the piece of the rocket meant that he absorbed a lot of kryptonite radiation.

We were both pretty close to the same age. Because of the radiation Ken had a lot of health problems growing up: he was small, and frail, got sick a lot. Because of that people picked on him. I tried to stand up for him, but, sometimes when you don’t feel strong enough the last thing in the world you want is for someone else to fight your battles. I think if Ken hadn’t been dosed with radiation, if he hadn’t been sick, I think we probably would have been friends.

Anyway, by high school, Ken’s health had reversed track, and rather than being weaker than most everybody, he was stronger, and faster. But he had a hell of a chip on his shoulder, too. He remembered every single person who put him down, every single person who ever laughed at his frailty. And he remembered every perceived slight, every time he felt I’d put him down trying to stand up for him.

Only he was still having side effects from the radiation, and he was in an increasing amount of pain. He got into contact with the CIA, who were interested in studying him and the positive effects of the radiation, in exchange for curing the negative side effects. Well, cure can be a relative term. Somehow, Ken’s body had become wholly radioactive, and was in a constant state of decay. Growing up that wasn’t much of an issue, since there was a steady creation of new cells, but as he was reaching adulthood, his body was producing fewer and fewer cells, but the rate of decay was the same, and the only thing they could do was mitigate his suffering. They designed a suit to contain the radiation, with a built in pain-relief system.

When he wasn't of any scientific interest anymore, his abilities became his only bargaining chip, so he started working as an operative. But pain makes people do stupid things. On a mission in France, Ken nearly killed a government attaché when his cover was blown, and the CIA decided to cut him loose.

Ken needed expertise to keep his containment suit operational, but since he didn’t have any money, he had to pay his way in trade. And the only people with the expertise to work on that kind of tech who wanted the services of a spook in trade were not the kinds of people you wanted to be indebted to. But for Ken it was a godsend, because one of them had enough experience with nuclear reactors that he recognized that a partial solution to Ken’s problem might be venting. For me, and people who ran into Conduit, however, it was a little less pleasant.

But over the years Ken and I had developed a bit of a rivalry. Once he got healthy we competed in sports. He asked Lana to prom, though she eventually went with me. It was a lot of little things that built up, like his verbally abusive father, who for some damn reason would talk me up in the same breath he’d talk his own son down. And once he was operating in the open as Conduit, often out of Metropolis, we came into conflict again. And because we knew each other, he figured out who I was, where I’d come from, and even made a half-hearted attempt at killing people he knew I was close with. I’m not absolving him of responsibility, but really, I think pain makes you do stupid things, emotional pain doubly so.

That was the beauty and simplicity of Lex’s plan, hiding him in plain sight, as it were, in my home town, but nothing stays hidden from Bruce forever, and eventually he found him. But then there was the issue of convincing Ken to help, and I have to give credit where it’s due. Bruce has a lot of speeds, philanthropist, entrepreneur, the bad cop that is Batman, a lot of ways to convince or threaten or bribe someone to do what he wants. But he’d figured enough out about Ken to know he wouldn’t cave to any of those. So he told him I was dying, that he was my last hope, that at the very least he should look me in the eye and tell me his decision face to face. It was one last chance to gloat, if he wanted it, or a chance to be the better man if he chose that instead. And Ken took him up on it, and to my surprise, once Ken was in the room with me, he couldn’t be angry any more. He actually, actually hugged me. I think, that, there are some times when you think you have forever to let something play out, that the fight you had with your parents or your friend or whoever, will be resolved at some point. But being faced with a definite conclusion, I don’t think Ken wanted me to die, all these years, because when it came down to it, Ken Braverman tried to save my life. It wasn’t something I saw coming.

ID: Tried?

S: Yeah. It didn’t work. The cancer’s more resistant to kryptonite radiation than the rest of my cells. It actually did a fair amount of damage to me, while the cancer was hardly touched.

ID: I’m sorry.

S: Thank you.

ID: The prognosis isn't good.

S: No. But that symbol I wore on my chest all these years, my family crest, it represents hope. I don't think at this point that I'm hoping for my own survival, but I do hope that the world will still thrive when I'm gone.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Snowfall

2009-12-13T07:41:00.000-08:00

Superman: We had the first snow of the, well, I guess not year and not quite winter yet, but of this cold season; that doesn’t sound right, either, because it’s not that cold season, the illness kind, but the temperature one.

Irreconcilable Dictions: It snowed, we got it.

S: Right. But that point, the one I’m still groping for, is that I was cold. Not just that seeing your breath, maybe I should have put on a hoodie cold, but the feel it in your bones cold, the way my great aunt used to say she was cold, no matter how many blankets you put on her, she couldn’t stay warm, because the cold was in her bones.

I’m not, I’m not thinking clearly right now; I’ve had a headache the better part of the week, though it’s a bit more acute right now.

ID: So you decided to finally come record this week’s segment when you were at your absolute least useful.

S: Hmm. That actually annoys you. You put up a good front of affrontation, but very little actually irritates you. But this, you take this interview seriously, don’t you?

ID: All evidence to the contrary?

S: I know, now that I’ve called you on it, it’s natural to want to pull back, to become even more evasive and cold. I don’t think, you don’t just spend hours on end week after week talking and discussing with someone without growing attached to them. I’d be lying if I said we weren’t, I don’t know, friends might be much, since I have trouble seeing you holding my hand in a hospital room, but I think there’s some kind of a respect and affection there. Hell, I wouldn’t have approached you in the first place if I didn’t hold some respect for you on a professional level

ID: Respect which I have tried, systematically, to undermine since you introduced yourself to me.

S: You both have and you haven’t. I think for all the world you wanted to play it both ways, give me my Frost/Nixon grilling while giving me a forum to express myself; I think at times you willfully denigrated yourself, personally and professionally, to make sure I came out the cleaner of the two of us.

ID: To level with you? The work is important; this is, for parts of the public, your last will and testament. Given everything you’ve done in your life, it’s a responsibility for both of us to do this right.

And I never thought you’d go fishing for it, but of course I respect you- in the same vein I respect soldiers and firemen and police. I know you work and you sacrifice for the good of a lot of people. And I know that I’m a writer, that there’s some sacrifice but that mostly I’ve chosen to do what I love, and the fact that the stories I tell and the light I shed is a byproduct of that fairly selfish decision, it’s ancillary and even unintended.

So yes, coming into the interview, of course I respected you, and of course, by virtue of who you are, of course I bore some residual affection for you. But I think you give me too much of a pass, that I have a bit too much of that wholly American sense of iconoclasm: we love our stars, our celebrities, or heroes- but we love their destruction more.

And journalistically, I’ve never set out to treat you any differently than any of my other interview subjects. I have; I’m still objective enough to recognize my bias, at least some of the time, but I hope on balance that I’ve shot as straight down the middle as possible.

S: I notice you sidestepped the important point: namely, that over the course of this last year, I’ve grown fond of you. And you don’t have to say you reciprocate, and I wouldn’t take it personally if you didn’t.

You have been a pain, in my backside and elsewhere, a perpetual thorn in my palm and my side. But I’ll miss you.

ID: Do you think it’s time for that? Time to say goodbye?

S: It’s never too early to say goodbye. I just always hope that it’s not for the last time.

ID: And I’d like to end there, it’s, too pretty not to, but I have to ask, I have to know. Has something changed? A new test result, do you feel differently?

S: No. And I think that’s the problem. Nothing has changed. I continue to decline at a predictable rate. I’m cold. And I’m tired. And I don’t want my last thoughts to be about how my pride prevented me from saying goodbye one last time. So goodbye.

ID: Goodbye.

(pause)

Wait. I’ll see you next week.

S: I sincerely hope so.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Thanksgiving

2009-12-06T00:35:00.000-08:00

Superman: At this time of year, and specifically at what may very well be the end of my life, I think it’s important to take stock of the things that I have, the things I’m thankful for.

ID: I may just nap through this, listen to it later. Don’t be offended. I was probably at an all-night orgy last night or something.

S: The depths of your empathy never cease to amaze me. But that’s a good place to start. I’m thankful for empathy. And so many people have empathized. Ever since I admitted to being Clark Kent and having cancer, people have sent really touching letters to my office at the Daily Planet. And people who see me in the streets when I get recognized, they’ll nod and smile, a few of them hug me. So many people have expended so much empathy on my behalf… and as much of a jerk as you try to be, I know that, deep down, you’ve actually behaved yourself for my benefit. Mostly.

ID: (snoring- possibly fake- though I’ll never tell).

S: Should have seen that coming.

ID: Why, do you have some kind of seeing things coming power you’d never divulged; no, wait, you couldn’t, or you wouldn’t have picked me to conduct this interview.

S: And, he’s back to pretending to be asleep. Wonderful. Some of this feels odd, like this isn’t a conversation I should be having in front of an audience, but I think it’s one thing to appreciate people in a small, personal way, and I think it’s entirely another to state, in public and on the record, that you care about and appreciate someone in your life.

So of course, I’m thankful for Lois. I shudder to think of the man I’d be without her. I mean that.

I’m thankful for my mother and father. Between them, the three of them, they account for ninety percent of what I think people have admired me for.

I’m thankful for true friends; and that includes those still too proud to admit it, and those who recently have come to terms with it. I’ve really been lucky; I’ve had a lot of love in my life. I know I haven’t always deserved it, but I’ve tried my whole life to earn it.

Mostly, though, I’m thankful for people, and maybe I’m rehashing empathy, here, but people really have restored my faith in humanity. Like after September 11th, everyone’s just proven the innate capacity for good, for kindness. I just hope, I hope someday there’s a world good enough for people to lower their guard, lay down their defenses, and just be that kind to everyone. To know that I was even alive during a part of that, or the build up to that, thinking that, hoping that, I could die happy tomorrow.

ID: Um, I’ll try to broach this carefully, but you spent the holiday in a bed.

S: Yeah. I don’t want to keep beating a dead horse, but I spent Thanksgiving in the hospital. I collapsed. I don’t think it was anything, and I tried to tell my mom to just give me a rain check; but instead she flew a bunch of the family out to Metropolis. They took over the apartment on Thanksgiving, driving Lois up onto the ceiling, and brought everything into my room, a big, plump turkey, creamy mashed potatoes with gravey, stuffing, biscuits, salad, deviled eggs... just talking about all that food actually makes my stomach feel full.

But I wasn’t, I’m not trying to pull for sympathy. My point is after food, and festivities, the conversation, since we were in a hospital room, turned political. We started discussing the health reform bill. And I was struck by the ignorance and fear; and I don’t say that to disparage my friends or my family, because I think they are all thoughtful and intelligent people. But the rhetoric is so pervasive out there that it’s hard to know what’s actually going on. And these were people I loved, so I didn’t try to correct everything, but the more egregious things- but it was probably our last Thanksgiving, and I didn’t want things to turn petty or ugly, as politics so often can.

I’m not asking for politicians not to frame issues in a sympathetic light, or not to promote their agendas; but I am saying that politicians of all stripes should honor the service they do for their country by telling the people, their citizenry, the truth. If you want smaller government and lower taxes, say that. If you think that a more robust government that does more for the people that might not otherwise get done- well, say that. These decisions we’re making are important, life-changing ones, and it’s important we look at them soberly and sincerely, that we act in genuine good faith for every American.

ID: You sound like you’re running for office.

S: If I weren’t dying and an alien- maybe I would.

ID: Okay, well, I know that’s a shorter session than usual, but your nursewife has been giving me the evil eye from your kitchen ever since I hit “record.”

S: Oh, she does that. There’ve been several times over the years when I’ve wondered if she’s got some kind of telepathic ability, but she can get me to do anything if she glares long and hard enough.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Liberal Bias

2009-11-28T02:17:00.000-08:00

Superman: I’ve taken some flack after last week’s interview.

Ignoble Dignitary: Of course. Please tell me that doesn’t surprise you.

S: No, but what did surprise me is how many people seemed to think I crossed a line, when after rereading my comments I think I struck a good balance, frankly. I was pissed off, and it certainly showed, but I don’t think I said anything I’d regret saying to an elected official of either stripe. Republicans have been relying on fear-based politics since at least September 11th; Democrats seem to adhere to the idea of politics as a gentleman’s game that effectively castrates their ability to govern barring supermajorities.

To put it into terms I’m perhaps more expert in: I’ve read a lot of speculation about what motivates a vigilante. And I’ll admit it can all be hard to reconcile. The idea of going it your own way, bucking the system, including the government-operated police force, that’s a very conservative action; especially when you’re protecting the status quo. But when you then take that and do it for a large swath of people, sharing with people the strengths and abilities you possess when they may not have been able to help themselves out of the situation, that’s a very progressive action. Personally, I’ve never had any problem with these two sometimes contradictory, sometimes complementary ideas, because I’m a moderate. But I also know liberal and conservative vigilantes as well, and I don’t think very many of them struggle with what is a background ideological question: they want to make a difference, and everything else is secondary.

But I think it also underscores an important dichotomy in this country, something that in the current polarized climate we lose. The struggle between certain aspects of our political poles is good. Our government and our nation works best when there’s a tug-of-war between big ideas and fiscal responsibility.

One of the big issues I take with the modern Republican party is they’re no longer for fiscal responsibility. They’ve become the party of tax cuts. If we want to pay less in taxes and have a smaller government, that’s a conversation we as a nation can have, but their plan lately has been to cut taxes without cutting expenses and let future generations pick up the tab. That’s why when they complain about a bailout they helped engineer, and a stimulus package they refused to participate in, both of which economists of all political stripes agree have helped soften the current economic crisis, I have trouble taking them seriously.

I have legitimate concerns about the way that the bailout and stimulus were carried out, but if Republicans wanted things done differently, they could have- no, they should have, participated in the process and done what they could to steer either in a direction they wanted.

ID: Like they’re doing with the health reform debate now?

S: No. I don’t mean screaming at the top of their lungs about half-truths and made-up concerns, nor making a half-hearted offer at an alternative bill, I mean actually legislating. Republicans say they’d rather have an incremental bill rather than the one Reid has written. If they were willing to bargain in good faith, they could very well get concessions from the Democratic majority; realistically, the Democrats don’t want to be hung out on a limb for this: it’s already slow to implement, and half of them could very well be out of office by the time Americans feel the effects of the bill. Of course, assuming the Republicans were willing to play ball, the problem with incrementalism is that tomorrow never comes.

ID: That was either deep or you were speaking like a politician.

S: Somewhere in between, I think. But just like cuts to Medicare doctors that are postponed every year by Congress without fail, painful but necessary reforms to the rest of healthcare could just be postponed indefinitely.

Um, on the subject of things I got chewed out over, there were also some women, my wife included, who took issue with me on the revised mammogram and pap smear guidelines. I wasn’t endorsing the findings, and I might even say we should get a second opinion, because I understand, as someone whose mother was diagnosed early with cervical cancer and survived, how important early screening can be; all I was trying to say is we don’t want politicians deciding who gets what treatment based on what criteria. That decision should be left to doctors and scientists who are experts in their fields, and use the best of their professional judgment to set guidelines; I don’t want to make that call any more than I think politicians should.

And I hate to turn this interview into a blog, but I have a quote I’d like to throw in there, from somebody who’s actually read the bill: “This year’s health reform legislation has often been criticized for being health insurance reform rather than health care reform, and for not doing enough to control the cost of health care. Those who offer these criticisms have obviously not read the bills or even tried to understand them.” And that’s my problem with the current Republican party in a nutshell: they criticize without understanding, to the sole purpose of elevating themselves.

And I want to clarify that I mean the Republican party leadership, and those who claim to speak for conservatives in the country. I don’t doubt the good will of a third of the American people, more if you count conservative-leaning independents; but their leadership have lost their way, or as I suspect, have forsaken their way for a road more politically advantageous.

I have no real love for the Democratic Party; the Democrats fail me as often as they make me happy, but at least sometimes they have the courage to stand up and say, often to people who would buy and pay for them, that there is an injustice that they want to right. I think healthcare reform is one of those fights, and I’m not endorsing every action they’ve taken, I’m not endorsing their outcome, but just the fact that they stood up to do something that matters for the American people, at the quite real cost of their power- that takes a kind of bravery. My disgust with some of the opposition’s rhetoric notwithstanding, supporting and applauding that bravery was the point I was trying to make.

ID: You claim to be a moderate, but everyone knows you’re a reporter. That makes you a socialist, by definition.

I assume you’re talking about the supposed liberal bias in the media. Look, I’ll admit I have a slight liberal leaning, and most reporters I know do, too. But we also have journalistic ethics, and believe in trying to tell the story the truest way possible. We take our role in society, that of informing our fellow citizens, very seriously. But for all of the talk of liberal bias, the fact of the matter is, most media owners and management have a conservative bias. The end result isn’t a perfect balance, but rather a mish-mash of competing biases and influences, self-censorship and subjects that never get fully fleshed out. But it’s wholly dishonest to say the media is liberally biased, because it’s much, much more complicated than that.

Besides, the most pervasive bias in the media has nothing to do with politics, and everything to do with that other “P” word: profit. Media outlets usually have parent companies, and those parent companies don’t want their affiliates, or companies they work for, shown in a bad light. And since most of their competitors own media outlets, there’s the added worry of starting a media shooting war. And that says nothing of the dread of offending advertisers and sponsors. Bias in our media by reporters acting in good faith has much more to do with removing potentially offending reportage than adding controversial material.

Care to note any of those journalists not acting in good faith?

I wasn’t looking to, actually; I don’t want this to become a partisan eye-poking match. But the most recent example, and I don’t want to claim Sean Hannity is a journalist, because I think it’s fairly clear that he’s a commentator, but that’s the distinction. True bias usually comes from commentators, not journalists. But Hannity used several month old footage of a rally spliced in with footage of a rally that took place a few weeks ago, and claimed that 40,000 rather than 10,000 people showed up. That’s certainly an extreme example, but partisan reporting is very destructive, because it undermines trust, not just in the media, but in our fellow man. When we start doubting each other, we start devolving into paranoia.

That’s one of the reasons I really like NPR and Public Broadcasting. NPR is one of the more unbiased places to find information in the country. One of their smartest political analysts is Juan Williams, who also comments for Fox News, but you’d hardly know that from his reporting, because he’s a pretty consummate professional. I’m sure everyone at NPR has their own ideas, but NPR really does the best job I’ve seen of keeping its allegiances close to the vest.

Another useful news source is the BBC. They’re certainly a bit more liberally-biased than, say, CNN, but they’re also less US-biased, so you really get to see how the rest of the world looks at us. Not in the “Death to America” fanatical circles, but how steadfast but honest allies view the actions we take. I think it’s an important, indispensable perspective.

So you’re saying we should export all of our reporting jobs oversees, then?

Of course not. I’m saying that independent voices are invaluable. And in the current climate it’s difficult to have truly independent voices in a professional context. That’s why we’re on the internet now, and on an independent blog, because no matter where we went, whether it was Fox News or the Huggington Post, there were going to be editorial and advertising concerns trying to dictate content, and format, maybe even deciding what we could say and where.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Boobs

2009-11-21T07:38:00.000-08:00

Superman: I’m a Democrat.

Impractical Dirigibles: Usually I have to poke you with questions, badger and threaten and once blackmail, to get you to reveal potentially aliening information. What gives?

S: I’ve always tried to retain a balanced, independent view of American politics; even when that failed, I always tried not to let my own thoughts or even leanings leak out. I know that certain people respect me, but I didn’t want to try to capitalize on that. I think, and maybe this comes from my parents, but that America is at its strongest when all of its citizens are thinking clearly for themselves.

ID: Pretty. But might I point out that that’s never actually happened.

S: Maybe not. But I didn’t want to become a part of the noise that’s corrupting independent thought, that parrots talking points as if they actually meant anything, that misuses statistics and science and weaves together misinformation and lies to manipulate people.

ID: So you were afraid of being somebody’s Sammy Davis, Jr.

S: In a nutshell, yeah. He voted democrat most of his life, but one back-scratching endorsement of Nixon later and he’s suddenly the poster-child for the Republican’s minority constituency.

ID: So you were worried about being the Democrat’s token alien, part of their big-tent strategy to go after extraterrestrials? Or were you just worried about them parlaying that into all aliens, such as illegal Mexican immigrants?

S: All joking aside, I don’t like politicking. I think politics is supremely important, but I don’t like how either party panders, how fast and loose they play with the truth. Even when I fully agree with a politician I often find myself disgusted with their methods.

ID: So why are you disgusted but fully agreeing with the Democrats now?

S: This particular week, you mean? Because of two cancer-screening suggestions that have come out recently. First, the United States Preventive Services Task Force revised guidelines for mammography, saying regular checks should begin at 50 rather than 40y, and should be done biannually rather than annually. Second, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists changed the recommendation for pap smears from annually to biannually.

The appropriate response for both parties should have been that they welcome any scientific evidence that will help American healthcare become more efficient and positively effect their constituents’ health and well-being. That’s it. They don’t need to endorse or deny the suggestions, because we do not want politicians battling scientists and doctors over control of our healthcare.

Instead, the fear-based, eternally-campaigning Republicans went on the offensive, and I mean that in both senses of the word, and used the nonbinding advice to drum up more fear about “rationing.” The embattled Democrats were of course forced to respond by saying that they disagree with the science, and won’t let it affect healthcare coverage. Both sides are acting like children, but in this case, the Republicans started it.

And they usually start it. The Republicans are consummate politicians, constantly on the attack, constantly fighting to preserve party unity and stamp out independent thought.

But rationing healthcare is a special case. Because healthcare is a limited commodity, it will always be rationed. We’ve been fortunate, in that our relative economic plenty has meant that the rationing isn’t always visible, but it exists, and at current it is controlled by insurance companies. It’s flatly stupid to complain about government rationing when corporate rationing is the status quo. If that’s the only opposition you have, then you effectively have no grounds for opposition at all; you’re simply obstructing for the sake of political posturing.

Now if my choices are between Democrats who don’t always have the courage of their convictions, or Republicans whose only convictions seem to be the preservation of their own power, well, that’s a pretty easy choice to make.

ID: This all reminds me a bit of Jon Stewart’s interview with Lou Dobbs on the Daily Show.

S: I love Lou Dobbs. He’s Wrong, with a capital “W” on many if not most things, but he’s reasonable, rational. He’ll discuss with you why he’s Wrong, and why he thinks you’re wrong. I think his ideas are at this point coming from a slightly bent to the right curve, and thus don’t always conform to the strict by the facts ideology he sets out for himself, but at least you can follow his line of reasoning.

And it’s a shame to see him leaving CNN. I sincerely hope he doesn’t end up some place like Fox News, because while I think he’s sort of left the reservation, I think Fox, rather than letting him be the voice of reason, would encourage his fringer leanings, and we’d lose what’s useful of his voice in the national conversation.

ID: Could I get you to agree that Republicans are acting like boobs? It would actually help synthesize the two subjects under one title.

S: (sigh). Yes. Republicans are acting like boobs. So that would make you a Republican, right?

ID: Ooh, soiled by my own hubris.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Veterans

2009-11-14T06:52:00.000-08:00

Infiltrating Deltas: I’d heard talk of Congress contemplating the creation of a Superman Day, recently. They were thinking of using the day you originally succumbed to your injuries fighting Doomsday, to honor heroes like yourself, those who fell in the line of duty and those who served, and those who fell. And I also hear you delivered a statement, in writing for obvious reasons, about why you thought that was a bad idea. Why?

Superman: Okay, my argument was two-pronged, actually. First, I wouldn’t want it called Superman Day, or to celebrate my death. I’m, as a symbol, too small for something like that. If anything, it could be called Justice Day, and celebrate the founding date of the League- or use some other day, because really, it isn’t and shouldn’t be about me.

Second, we already have a day. Granted, our observance isn’t far-reaching, and the implications are, well, I’ll stop padding it. We celebrate Veterans Day as ours, or ours with traditional military veterans, anyway. I think it’s appropriate to look at the people who do what we do in that same light.

ID: That’s… interesting. Because, knowing how you feel about war, I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about veterans.

S: Really? I didn’t think my position was all that gray. Veterans, at least in principal, lay their lives at the feet of the altar of freedom. Some are chosen as sacrifices, others walk away whole; most are damaged in ways that are hard to recognize or qualify, but bear wounds as deep as those who died. I have the utmost awe and respect for veterans, military or otherwise.

ID: Okay, see, it’s that, that caveat: “at least in principal.” What the hell does that mean?

S: You really don’t care about the big picture if you think someone’s stepped in dog crap, do you? It’s a niggling complaint I have with the way we use our military. We treat them like mercenaries; hell, in Iraq, we’ve had them fighting side by side with mercenaries. And our military, our servicemen and women, they deserve better than that. They ought to be above reproach, but when we tarnish the work they do, it lessens the value of their very real sacrifices. My qualms are with the administration of our military, not with our soldiers.

ID: That makes a degree of sense. But do you think it’s appropriate elevating vigilantes to the levels of sanctioned military veterans?

S: I think it would be inappropriate to ghettoize their sacrifice into a separate day simply because they gave their lives independent of a martial authority.

ID: So you don’t think there’s a difference? That the fact that vigilantes are breaking the law doesn’t make them unworthy of being honored side-by-side with servicepeople?

S: No. And I’m surprised to hear you even implying that line of reasoning, which is virtually the same as people who argue against gay marriage, as if the granting of civil rights to one group has ever detrimentally impacted the rights of others.

ID: Of course, you can make the argument that the loss of privilege for a favored group is understandably resisted, but that’s an argument that rhetorically is equivalent to asking “So what?” in the face of iniquity. So no separate but equal for superheroes?

S: Separate is never equal. It can’t be.

ID: I’ll forego my usual bit of race-baiting, even though there’s a part of me that’s a bit curious whether a Kansas farm boy maybe picked up any good ole boyness.

S: My father was very tolerant. And a veteran, I think you’re forgetting.

ID: That’s right, he was drafted. But do you think if your dad hadn’t been drafted, hadn’t been a

S: But he was. Drafted and a veteran. I don’t think he would have chosen to be a soldier, but that doesn’t change the fact that he recognized the sacrifice for what it was, or that he wouldn’t have sought to instill that wisdom in his son. There’s a reason they call it military service, because it is, they’re doing a service for each and every one of us.

Though I think there is sometimes a disconnect when we talk about soldiers, particularly in the modern, all-volunteer-force variety. I have all the respect in the world for the profession, but it is a profession. And the reasons people take the job are many and varied, having as much to do with lack of opportunity as a desire to do good work for a nation. And I don’t think that acknowledging that aspect, and particularly the dynamic skew it creates, with larger percentages of the poor and minorities serving, takes anything away from that service, or the sacrifice some of those soldiers end up making.

And that’s why I’m really very comfortable holding up people who do what I do on that same pedestal: because we are an all volunteer force, because few if any people get into this for any kind of personal gain, let alone financial. Most of us outlay large sums of money, for tailors, gadgets, whatever.

So more than anything, I hold both groups in extremely high regard. I wouldn’t put either ahead of the other. And I’m guilty as much as anyone for forgetting every day how important that work is, how safe I am, and my family is, because of what they do.

And on days like Veterans Day, I try to make that effort to let them know just how much that service means to me, how truly and deeply I respect them. I try to honor them; it’s the least I could conscionably do.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Halloween

2009-11-07T07:07:00.000-08:00

ID: Okay, Halloween is a big time for people in costume, so what were you up to this year?

S: Lois actually had a Batwoman costume custom-made this year.

ID: Batwoman? Now that is kinky.

S: I don’t follow.

ID: Well, on the one hand, the current Batwoman is, I believe, a lesbian, so it plays into that straight man with a curvy woman fantasy, and it also means next time you see Bruce you’ll have a weird imprint of disrobing the feminine version of his namesake in your brain. Man, a Superman/Batwoman sextape would sell like hot hot hot cakes. If you want, I could produce- I mean, I’m no Sleez but I do happen to know my way around an HD camera.

S: You think I wore my own costume for Halloween?

ID: You didn’t?

S: Nope. I went as Deadman. I figured, since you can see my ribs poking out, and my skins taken on this pale hue- I figured I could pull it off. Plus there’s the whole macabre joke about me being a dead man.

ID: That is dark. Did Lois laugh?

S: Not at first. But I kept doing my Boston Brand imitation all night long, and frankly, it sounds a bit like Warwick Davis from the Leprechaun movies, and by the end of the night I’d just started rolling with that and introducing myself by saying, “I’m the Leprechaun.”

ID: That’s, um, that’s actually not much like Warwick Davis at all. That’s a bad Mike Myers impression doing a bad Warwick Davis impression in Wayne’s World. And I’m actually not entirely sure what to think about the fact that you A) have seen that movie, and B) apparently quote it when drinking.

S: Hey, I was still moderately young and hip in the early nineties… or maybe Jimmy made me watch it- I don’t really know.

But I wanted to comment upon a phenomenon. I think it was last year that Plastic Man said to me that you could tell how highly regarded (or at least reviled) you were by the amount of people dressed as you at Halloween. Last year, Bruce “accidentally” forwarded a sales report on licensed costumes, detailing that Batman had outsold Superman costumes nearly 2 to 1. Granted, my survey this year isn't scientific, but judging from the sample that came to my door, it seemed I'd overtaken him by a slim margin- and that's despite not having a follow up movie last year (like he did). So yeah... I'm a little happy.

Granted, neither one of us were anywhere near the Harry Potter numbers- and I'm also a bit weirded out by the number of Harry Potter women in drag, with too-short skirts and shirts and expressions that were less-than-wholesome.

Oh, but that made me remember something I forgot last week, and you know I’ve been forgetting things more, but I remembered part of why I wanted to talk about Harry Potter. You know, I wrote a book, once. And I don’t mean Under A Yellow Sun- that barely qualifies as a novella (or literature, for that matter). I remember thinking greedily at the time that that was it, my big break, my chance to escape my own mediocrity- as Clark Kent, anyway. I mean, in the other personae, wearing the costume and being that other person who is smarter and more confident and just better than me in every way, I could do all kinds of things. But as Clark Kent, there were, and sometimes still are, days when I really did feel like the dumb, naïve hick son of a farmer out of Kansas.

ID: You’ve won a Pulitzer.

S: I know, but that doesn’t mean I felt I deserved it, or that even if I sometimes do that I don’t have moments of insecurity. But we’re not talking about that, or at least I wasn’t meaning to, my point, and you know how hard it’s getting for me to focus, is that I wrote something fictional. Maybe even literary. I’d written a novel about a teenager who one day finds out he has abilities, and then joins up with superheroes. It was very much a Harry Potter for the tights set- in fact, there’s a pretty good chance I was writing it around the same time as Rowling was writing her first Potter. But then Ja- one of the Robins passed away. And at that point I couldn’t stomach the idea of encouraging children to think about what we did in a positive light. I mean, if even one kid had got themselves hurt… I haven’t even thought about publishing it, honestly, until just now. I put it out of my mind, because the alternative, it’s too much to even think about.

I mean, I fail, regularly. There’s people I should be nicer to, some I can’t save, even problems I can’t tackle, like Perry smoking cigars, but I recognized that I would be creating failure. That it was an inevitability that children would read that book and think, “Hey, heroes are real, I should do this-” it was only a question of when something would go wrong and not if.

ID: I’m not sure what to say to any of that.

S: You don’t have to. I’m not changing my mind about the book- I’m not saying it should be published posthumously. If anything I’m saying it shouldn’t. But a small part of me just wanted it out there in the world, that the book exists. I think there’s a small part of writing that’s about being heard- not even heard clearly or understood, those are separate from it- I just wanted its existence, and maybe by extension mine, to be known. It seems stupid to say it out loud. But a story about an awkward kid with glasses, and competence no one knows about- that idea hits pretty close to home with me. I guess putting it away all this time, without acknowledging it, it was kind of like trapping that person in his awkward stage, shuttered away and unable to grow into the impressive person he was supposed to emerge as by story’s end. I guess, in a way, that’s what Halloween’s about: we all want to be something, something funnier or scarier or more heroic or even sexier, but we all want to be someone better.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Clark Kent and the Novelist’s Pen

2009-10-31T01:47:00.000-07:00

ID NOTE: This update discusses quite a few storylines from current and ongoing movies and TV, including (but not necessarily limited to): Harry Potter, Madmen, Scrubs, House; this is the only spoiler warning you’re getting.

Inscrutable Diarist: Okay, so you left a message on my answering machine- something you wanted to talk about.

Superman: I realized something. Well wait- I’m getting ahead of myself. I finally went to see the new Harry Potter- I know, I’m stupidly late, but I’ve been busy. Anyway, it felt like a Halloweenish movie, with the witches and everything, and we finally had a moment to ourselves. And after the movie I asked Lois, who’s a huge fan of the books, about what comes next. Which of course opened a whole can of deaths and things that sound close to insanity when splashed out over the course of twenty seconds. And, intrigued, I asked how long until the last movie came out.

And that’s when Lois went white as a sheet. She managed to mumble that they’d split the last book into two movies, one in 2010 and the other in 2011. “Oh,” was all I could manage. See, I’d sort of forgotten myself; I’ve internalized my mortality enough that I thought I might be able to “wait” for a sequel next year- but at that moment I realized I couldn’t delude myself into believing that I’d see the end of the series.

Which is a roundabout way of saying I’ve finally started reading the books. Ollie and Lois have been on me about reading them since just after the first movie- but they both hated the films, and I liked them- and I wanted to continue liking them.

And I might not have come to it on my own, but I was talking to Ollie, because he’s been wanting to discuss Half-Blood Prince since he saw it at the midnight opening (really, I suppose he’d been waiting since he’d been at the midnight book opening). And it shouldn’t surprise me, because his exuberance has precedent, but he jumped on it, said, “If you want to know the ending now you’ll have to finally read the books.”

Of course, I could have always just read the Wikipedia synopsis, but I figured he was right. I thought since I can read pretty quick, and both he and Lois insisted that they’d cut out a lot from the movies, that I should start over from the beginning. And I’ve only just started, just a few pages into the first book, but so far I’m not blown away. I guess there’s just been so much hype, I mean, at least six years of it, now, that I think it would have taken something Shakespearean to really impress me like I’ve been told it would. And I’m not taking anything away from Rowling, not at all. I mean, Harry Potter, particularly that first book, from what I’ve heard, is meant as a children’s story, or at least something accessible to children. And there’s certainly something very British about the book, too, even more British even than the all-British/Irish/Scottish-cast movies.

Anyway, I’m tangentially off, um, what I was getting at is there’s all kinds of things I realized I’m going to miss out on. Lois and I have been addicted to Madmen- though admittedly for different reasons. I think she just likes staring at Jon Hamm.

ID: You know, there is more than a passing resemblance between the two of you- you know, before you lost all the weight.

S: Lost the weight? Clever. Anyway. I hate the show, and the fact that virtually all of the characters no the show are predatory and inhuman, and even at the best of times all of them are eagerly self-serving; it’s basically a misanthropic fairy tale, but there’s something about Don’s back story that, I guess because of its rural setting, it just hits close to home. I guess I can’t help but think that with a little less luck that could have been me, stuck in a home where I wasn’t wanted or even liked, and I guess every episode I go in hoping that he’ll rise above his lousy upbringing and

ID: Be you?

S: Be him. I mean, we get it in fits and spurts- the character’s got a strong base morality above and beyond what seems to be the norm for the show, but oftentimes he ignores his better instincts because he’d rather have sex with whoever’s guesting that episode.

ID: Okay. But what else are you anticipating, what else are you missing out on?

S: I’m glad I got to see House get out of the asylum. I’m not a huge fan of his character, and the show can be formulaic, but the mysteries… I guess I’m glad, too, I got to see the beginnings of post-asylum, moderately more human and gentle House. I’ve always gotten the sense that House is what would have happened to Bruce if there never was a Batman- that he would have followed in his father’s footsteps and become a doctor, and that he’d still be brilliant, but just as he does now, he’d use that brilliance to push people away. And I’m glad I got to see the “end” of Scrubs- at least to the point where JD stops being the main character, and really, that’s the end as far as anybody’s really concerned.

But it isn’t just movie and TV- although those kinds of things are always a little easier to predict. But Lana’s pregnant, which I don’t think is a secret- at least I hope not- and I found myself the other day counting up the time she has left, and thinking, “I’m not going to get to see her baby.” And it’s stupid, but when she first got pregnant, I know she talked about making me the baby’s godfather, and…

And in the League, there are a lot of engagements and wedding dates floating around. And I’m man enough to admit- maybe because for me mine was such a long time coming- but I like weddings. Seeing two people who really care about one another making that social commitment.

ID: Which brings up something, and I forget, hell, we may have talked about it at some point, but not having my notes on all previous forty-some odd conversations we’ve had, we’ll just roll with it, but I hear that there are a few gay superhero weddings in the mix- I think Question/Batwoman for one has been rumored. What are your thoughts?

S: That’s the easiest divisive question you’ve ever asked. If two people really care about one another enough to want to make that social commitment, then absolutely I want them to have that freedom. More than that, I want to stand with them when they make that declaration. It’s a beautiful thing to be a part of. And I can’t even begin to fathom how anyone could want to stand in its way.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Wonder Woman Day

2009-10-24T00:37:00.000-07:00

Superman: My wife isn’t very happy with you.

Innocent Dilemma: And why’s that?

S: I don’t know if you remember it, but a while back, you chided me about my lack of charity work.

ID: So that’s why you cancelled our usual session?

S: No… though I suppose the two are related. I’ve been working a lot on promoting Wonder Woman Day. It was founded in part by Diana and some charitable minded folks to promote awareness of women’s issues and raise money for domestic violence centers and hotlines. My wife says I’ve been overworking myself. I cancelled our usual taping because I… I couldn’t get out of bed. I think- I’ve told Lois- it’s just fatigue flitting between Portland, Oregon and Flemington, New Jersey- which is at least close to home here in Metropolis.

ID: Okay, so you’ve told your wife it’s fatigue, but is it- do you honestly believe that’s what it is?

S: I don’t know. It’s all… experimental, really. Kryptonians on my planet were actually analogous to humans on this one- so there’s nothing on record like this. Maybe I had a bad day. Maybe I was just, depressive isn’t really the right word but there’s a, a weight to mortality- and I mean imminent, inescapable mortality. There’s an animal thing squirming inside you that does not want to go yet. And it can be exhausting. So, I think fatigue is probably right, though I think my wife had the cause, and more specifically the culprit, wrong.

But I’d sort of like to hijack the conversation. You know, I’ve only got so many words left, and I’d, I’d like them not to all be expended on navel-gazing; I’d like them to matter as much as they can.

So Wonder Woman Day. It hasn’t, uh, taken on the following yet that I might have liked, or that I think befits a person of Diana’s stature, frankly, but it does a lot of good. One of the main fundraisers is an art auction. The pieces are being shown at the Lara Sydney Framing Gallery, 1230 NW Hoyt St., Portland, Oregon until the 24th, and they’re being auctioned online at wonderwomanmuseum.com. If you want to help a good cause and get some original artwork, go there.

ID: Hmm… even though it’s for a good cause, I can’t help but feel like a shill.

S: You started this.

ID: Fair enough. But physically there isn’t a Wonder Woman museum, right?

S: Not yet.

ID: But that reminds me of something I’d wanted to talk about: the Super Museum. In Metropolis, Illinois. Located in Superman Square.

S: Yes.

ID: And I assume you’ve met the curator.

S: Yep.

ID: And how did he strike you?

S: As an ardent and particularly devoted fan.

ID: To be clear, you didn’t mean peculiarly devoted fan?

S: He’s a fan. Perhaps sometimes bordering on fanatical, but that’s where the word comes from. Honestly, to me he’s never been anything but kind, humble and genuine.

ID: So you’re saying you’ve had worse fans, then. Care to talk bad about them behind their backs?

S: I swear sometimes you’re a five year old scientifically aged by Lex Luthor to make me hate humanity.

ID: That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said about me. Ooh, they’ve got a George Reeves dummy dressed as you- but it looks like Richard Nixon out trick-or-treating.

S: Just had to get in the holiday reference?

ID: Hey, if you can shill for a good cause, I can shill for hits- which consequently gets your good cause more word-of-mouth.

S: Fair enough.

ID: So, for the record, do you think you’re going to be able to keep up with our regular taping schedules?

S: I don’t know. I- I hope so. I know I’m going to try.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Hawk and Dove

2009-10-14T07:30:00.000-07:00

Innate Docility: President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize.

Superman: I heard.

ID: Why do you think you, and the rest of the Justice League, have never won a peace prize?

S: Honestly? A few reasons spring to mind. The first, though probably the least, is most of us have had at least some contact with outsiders- people society at large would consider “other,” be they aliens or reclusive island nations. I think no matter how much people may look up to us, respect us, there’s a certain amount of unease with that.

Second, look at the history: Anwar Sadat, Yasser Arafat, Kissinger- even giving it to Carter during Bush’s presidency. The Nobel Committee often uses the prize as a carrot, in the hopes of shaping international policy. In essence, the message was, “Keep up the diplomacy- and try not to bomb Cambodia.”

Third, we’re vigilantes. We are, under most national and international laws, operating unsanctioned. The Nobel Committee, under the auspices of the Norwegian government, could never be seen to official accept what we do. And there's a perception that we try to punch all our problems away.

Fourth- I’m actually surprised Diana doesn’t have one- as is Greg Rucka, apparently. She’s done extensive work for and with UNICEF and the International Committee of the Red Cross & Crescent- both of which have won at least one prize. She doesn’t often get the credit she’s due, but Bruce once paid for a study, and for every punch she throws she gives three speeches about peace, and for every speech she throws or attends some kind of charity benefit. Around her there’s sprung up this mythology of an Amazonian warrior woman, and frankly, it’s a very small part of who she is.

ID: Hmm. So do you think Obama deserved one?

S: I honestly don’t think it was aimed at Obama specifically; his election, on the platform he articulated, was made possible by the American people. I think it was a high profile way of saying to America, “Welcome back.”

ID: So you think internationally we’ve been

S: Absent. Yes. Absolutely. Off the reservation, at a minimum.

ID: Okay, but even allowing for a moment that the award was for the people generally, do you think we’ve earned it?

S: I think the hope is that we will. The hope is that America is back to the country who first proposed the League of Nations to the world, who were instrumental in the creation of the United Nations, who only reluctantly entered the world wars- not the bickering, antagonistic state who refused to join the original League, who did everything politically possible to hobble the UN, whose leader- ostensibly the leader of the free world- thumbed his nose at unilateralism and who seemed to those abroad to be, if not war hungry, at least peace-aversive.

ID: I’m reminded of a pair of your fellow do-gooders who seem awfully apt to the conversation, Dawn and Hank Hall- Hawk and Dove, to the action-figure buying kiddies in the audience.

S: Don’t believe everything you read about them. For one, Dawn’s always been a woman- she was never "Don" and they were never siblings. In the fictions it was felt at the time, and maybe rightly so, that liberals, already caricatured as weak, would be ill-served having a woman, equally caricatured as weak, as their figurehead. It added all kinds of sexual politics, as did their at-the-time budding romance, that weren’t exactly appropriate for the funny pages of the day, or paramount to the issues they were discussing.

But honestly, Dawn and Hank were a little before my time. I’ve worked with them, sure, but by the time I donned my first pair of tights, they had already been married for years, and were looking to retire. I think what worked for them, and why I think I’m glad you brought them up, is they learned the beauty of combining their ideologies, their strengths, and their efforts. I remember talking to the both of them during the presidential campaign last year, and Hank was very big into “Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran,” but Dawn, very coolly, said that the Iranian people would suffer disproportionately from that, that diplomacy and sanctions should be tried first, but that if the Iranians couldn’t be convinced from the brink- which they both believe the Iranians are when it comes to the inseparable issues of Iranian nuclear policy and Israeli security- then she’d help strap Hank into the bomber of his choice. I think, and I think I’ve lived, that you really need to work for peace, with almost everything you have in you- but that some problems can’t be sanctioned, talked, or legislated away- sometimes you have to use force.

ID: Hmm. I want to return to the idea that the prize was for Obama personally, and I want to read you, from Nobel’s will as according to wiki

S: Journalistic excellence at its zenith

ID: I’ll use a kryptonite gag on you; it should be awarded to the person who “during the preceding year [...] shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses.” That actually… sounds about right. Or maybe it was just a crappy year for peace.

S: I can’t believe you’d threaten the infirm during a conversation about “peace.”

ID: And I don’t believe you’re that naïve- or that infirm, either.

S: Bantering aside, I coughed blood yesterday; actually, I’ve been coughing blood. There were pieces of lung tissue in it this time- I guess, honestly, there’s been lung tissue in it all along, but for the first time Lois noticed, that it wasn’t just blood coming out.

ID: I’m sorry.

S: That wasn’t why I mentioned it. In fact, I don’t really know why I mentioned it- just came to mind, and tumbled out. I guess I’m, losing my filter.

ID: How does that make you feel?

S: Worried. I come from Kansas. It’s not that Kansas is oppressive, there’s just a, a certain way you’re allowed to express yourself. And I’ve spent a lot of time adhering to that, because it was polite, and human, and I stress over the fact that maybe I’m going to be too sick to remember to be human. I’m terrified that the last feeling my wife, my friends, will have with me, is that I’m alien. I mean, I am an alien, but it would break my heart for the last moment I get to be one where my loved ones feel they don’t know me.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Death Penalty

2009-10-08T07:30:00.000-07:00

Innocent Decapitation: I'd like to talk about the time you murdered three people.

Superman: You're an ass.

ID: I'm just going off of John Byrne's cue on this one.

S: Yeah, well he's a bit of an ass, too. You remember the incident with Barda- yeah, he hung that entirely around her neck- said something about her lacking the moral fortitude to resist, but for some reason gave me a pass.

ID: I’ll more than grant you that. But let's talk about the executions. Give me the background, because this is one of the subjects you and Lois haven't really written about to the extent you've discussed other, uh, events, for lack of a better term.

S: The story’s different than the one in the comic books. Zod, Ursula, and Non were originally leaders of a Kryptonian rebellion, and for their treason they were locked away. Ironically, because they were imprisoned, they were spared the fate of the rest of our race. But when they broke loose, they engaged in a campaign of genocide that spanned solar systems.

ID: I assume you’re not using the term “genocide” lightly.

S: I mean they destroyed entire planets teeming with life, including seven separate sentient species that had evolved to the point of written language. At least seven cultures- millions if not billions of intelligent lives- lost. And that was a single, small corner of the galaxy- and there are at least hundreds of similar nearby worlds that were in danger. I never invoke the term genocide lightly.

But to make a very long story shorter, I was eventually contacted by a group of Kryptonian colonists, and intervened. When I arrived, the colony had been massacred, women, children, the elderly- I didn’t see evidence that any of the colonists had even put up token resistance, let alone anything that would qualify them as combatants, but they were tortured, brutalized and worse.

And what happened then happened very fast. When I saw the damage, I immediately sped around the colony, looking for a survivor, someone I could still save- but there was no one. And Zod had seen me, and pointed me out to the others, and they rushed at me at a speed approaching light. The shockwave created by the collision nearly tore that planet in half- and that was just the beginning.

I fought them across worlds- across galaxies. The conflict destroyed dozens of uninhabited planets. And it became evident not only that as they gathered yellow solar radiation they would eventually eclipse my strength and win- but that their violence and fury would not end with me or the lives they’d already taken.

So I escaped and came up with a plan, a last, desperate gambit to use kryptonite. Specifically, I rigged powdered kryptonite to an explosive device, meant to scatter the element into the air. I set it off when they were all close enough for me to grab onto, and force them to stay, breathing it in. I think Zod realized it first, and screamed as the green dust enveloped him, tried to push off of me, tried to hold his breath; I jabbed him, hard, in the stomach, ground it in- and his reflex gasp brought in enough of the poison to kill him- albeit not immediately.

Ursula turned to me, and she understood from Zod what was happening, but understood, too, that fighting wouldn’t work. I was still stronger than them- though likely only for a few hours more. She touched my hand gently, and with tears in her eyes said, “Please, it doesn’t have to be this way.” Her mouth began to twitch, and she started to sob until her lungs were empty, but she held out, opened her eyes, pleading without being able to speak. But still I held her firm, and she collapsed to the ground; by that point I was too weak to hold her up, and I fell to my knee, and she started gasping in and sobbing.

And my hands were full, holding Zod in my right hand with Ursula in the left; I was certain if I let them go they’d try to run- and if they did I couldn’t be sure they’d die. I’d tried to wrap my legs around Non, but Non was larger, stronger- at least as strong as I was at that point. He’d pulled away- though I didn’t think he’d gotten out of the cloud.

Back on Krypton, Non had worked with my father, but unlike him, he had went against the council, and tried to warn people about the planet’s imminent destruction. For that “crime,” the council took away from him what had mattered most: his mind. My father told me that after his lobotomy he was barely functional, and the only part of his old friend he recognized in Non was his rage.

But I think there was more, maybe buried under his anger, and disappointment. Because Non came towards me in the cloud of green dust. I couldn’t have stopped him, couldn’t have even defended myself, but he nodded, and gave me a little smile, like he finally understood: why Zod’s rebellion had gone so wrong, how far from himself he must have been to go along, and crucially, how that lapsed judgment meant he could be compromised again- and the consequences of that. Then he took a deep breath in, and as he let it out he sat down on the ground, cross-legged, to wait to die.

And I honestly expected to die with them; I thought that was a fitting end. Except that I didn’t die. I laid there, on a desert planet’s surface, waiting for the dust to kill me, too. Even when the wind took the dust cloud away, I expected the kryptonite already in my lungs to kill me. And it hurt. In fact- I’ve felt that kind of pain, like breathing in glass, twice since- when Doomsday “killed” me, and now, with the cancer. But it didn’t kill me.

I passed into a, well, I think it was basically a coma. By the time I came to, the other three were dead. I decided to cremate them in one of that planet’s volcanoes, but they’re bodies had absorbed so much of the kryptonite that while carrying them I was virtually powerless. So I carried their bodies, one at a time, to the summit of the nearest volcano, which thankfully ended up being only a dozen kilometers away, and dropped them in. The kryptonite guaranteed that the chemical bonds in their cells were weak enough to break in the volcanic heat, and their bodies burned to ash.

ID: Were you at all concerned about the Kryptonians’ remains being used for something sinister?

S: The thought occurred to me. That’s why I kept the planet’s location a secret, up until I learned about the Green Lantern Corps. I took them to the planet, and they helped locate every last charred DNA molecule, so that it could be kept out of the wrong hands.

ID: And did all of this effect your stance on capital punishment?

S: I made the most difficult decision of my entire life that day, and it still haunts me. I took three lives, and it’s very little consolation that I did not take them lightly. Still, it was necessary, and it was right- and I hate that we live in a circumstance where that can be the case. But the reason it was necessary, and the reason it was right, was that there were no other viable options. There is no prison that would hold me-and once they’d absorbed yellow solar radiation, there was no prison that could hold them. There was no hope for peace, and no safety, not for anyone, while they still lived. Taking a life, it changes everything… and nothing.

When I got back to Earth, I wanted to quit. Retire. I told everyone who knew who I was that I was done. And I thought I was. Just thinking about what I’d done- what I’d had to do- it made me sick inside. And I was getting ready for work, I think I’d just gotten out of the shower, and I heard someone on the street whisper, “His bike won’t stop,” and a second later someone else say, “That bus is going to hit him.” And I could tell by the acoustics that it was coming from Southside, that long hill down towards the docks, and before I realized it I was flying there at full speed, my cape billowing behind me. There hadn’t even been a momentary thought, it just happened, I was doing it. And I scooped up the poor kid just before his bike went under one of those big city buses. Our trajectory took us a few hundred feet in the air, and he was terrified, scrambling like a cat to get out of my arms as his heart raced, so I asked, “What’s your name, son?” And that was when it hit him, that he hadn’t died and wouldn’t now, and he calmed immediately and told me: Jeremy Beckman. As I sat him back down on the sidewalk I said to him, “Jeremy Beckman, I think you saved my life today.”

ID: Are you okay? We can stop here if you’d like.

S: No, I… I really have been blessed with this life, I know that. Most people don’t get to, to see people express that kind of gratitude, and kindness. And every day is like that for me- has been like that for me- and I think that’s a special moment for me, because for that one brief moment, I realized that all this time, I hadn’t been saving other people- by giving me a purpose, they’d been saving me. I’ve had really dark times in my life, but every time I think I want to give up, something small and seemingly innocuous like that happens to make me realize life is worth it. And I’m going to miss it.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

S for Salacious

2009-09-30T07:18:00.000-07:00

Indigo Ding-a-ling: Okay, so who’s your hero?

Superman: Um… you?

ID: No, but that’s a good guess. No, I’m told that Beneath the Cape will not be published. Ever. I’m told that the publishing house was bought out by a new company called Wayne Publishing, and also that a team of very rabid lawyers have descended upon the manuscript with claims of defamation, libel and slander. Now, last week you talked about your ability to sense lying, well try mine.

S: I… really didn’t know.

ID: Huh. You didn’t. Which actually does kind of make sense, seeing as I can still smell the pepto coming off your breath. Kidding, I can see the bottle sticking out of your bag, see the top isn’t zipped all the way.

But funnily enough, I came across Wayne Publishing’s parent company, Wayne Entertainment, the little we hiding under big WE, Wayne Enterprises', skirt. Their first division was Wayne Film, which you might recall popped up after yourself and, uh, “Big Barda”- God I hope that’s her proper name- made a “video.” It seems under the influence of someone called “Sleez” the two of you did some “acting.”

S: If you don’t stop doing air quotes I’ll take your fingers away.

ID: Heh. Your newfound ability to deadpan notwithstanding, I wasn’t finished. Apparently WE (the little WE) bought up the distribution rights as well as every extant print and proceeded to sit on them. I was speechless for like a day and a half; regardless of whatever influence you might have been under at the time- Spanish Fly, Barry White, maybe some hypnotic whatever- you did SuperPorn. We’re just going to take a moment, for you, myself, and the folks reading at home, to let that set in.

--------

And we’re back. But here’s the rub: I may have, in my search, discovered elements of the manuscript and/or movie that’s been rather unquietly swept under the table. Journalistic ethics dictate that I divulge this information, at least as far as it’s informative and not just salacious- though, because I am the man I am, that’s not a line I’m very good at sussing out. But I’ll offer a trade. You answer me truthfully about sex as part of today's interview segment, and I forget the things I know. Now I understand that a person’s sex life isn’t just their own, so, you don’t have to identify partners or their proclivities, but I want honesty, here. I’m more interested in the psychological implications than I am in the gooey details.

S: I think you’re lying.

ID: About the gooey details, a little, but I doubt the audience skews as pervy as I do personally.

S: I mean about having details. I think you’re bluffing.

ID: But you’re not sure- you can’t be sure. Because I may not know everything, but I know some things. So you’ll answer my questions. I’ll be gentle- after all, it’s your first time.

S: One caveat: you stop that.

ID: Fair enough. I think your history shows that you can have an imtimate relationship with a woman- so a far more interesting question is, given your physical differences- what’s sex like?

S: Are you asking about whether Kryptonian genitalia is analogous to human, or are you asking more generally?

ID: I can guess from the scornful way you said the first that it's a stupid question, so we'll go with option 2.

S: I can feel the ebb and flow of each oxygen and nitrogen atom across my skin as I cross a room. I can count the number of water molecules tumbling down my throat when I drink. When you see the world, you’re looking through a $30 children’s microscope; I see, feel, touch and experience everything at the magnification of an electron microscope. There’s really no way to express to you what it’s like, how it feels- you have no comparison that even parallels. I was curious once, myself, and J'onn showed me what being human was like telepathically, and the English language, even Kryptonese, fail to convey even in simplistic terms the gulf between our experiences.

ID: Okay. Given that, the fact that you look like a movie star- well, okay, Brandon Routh and Chris Reeves were both soap opera actors before they played you, but still, soap operas have pretty people on them, too- and the fact that you can leap small buildings with a single bound- how is it that you’re not a total whore?

S: I guess… my parents just raised me to believe in physical intimacy in a certain way. Growing up, I never even really imagined the idea of a carnal relationship outside the context of a romantic one. And really, by the time I reached an age and a point in my life where the thought could even really occur to me, I’d had other experiences that had taught me that I prefer romantic and physical monogamy.

ID: I’m going to give you a list. I’m not going to include any of the possibles I’ve come across, but we’ll keep it at the likelies: Lois obviously, Lana likely, Chloe definitely, Lori Lemaris- now that one you’re probably shocked I know about- Barda, Maxima, Cat Grant, Lyla Lerrol. I mean, you’re not a billionaire playboy, but still, respectable- especially since this is just the likelies. Care to deny?

S: No comment.

ID: And that is what we in the printed news industry call a non-denial. It’s like an admission, only more libelous. Still, you can usually print it so long as you mention the caveat. But on the subject of Maxima, why didn’t you ever just agree to give her a super baby?

S: It goes back to what I said about romantic relationships taking precedence over physical ones, because physically, Maxima and I were compatible, but personally- well, I don't even know about compatibility, because she never stopped dry-humping me and stood still long enough for us to have even a single meaningful conversation.

ID: And on the subject of super babies, you knocked up your wife a few years back. There are a lot of questions, really, so I'll let you just tell us how.

S: I'll skip the birds and bees part- that's pretty standard. Then there was, not getting too graphic, some “catch and release.” We talked about a turkey baster or getting help from a fertility clinic

ID: Wait, you intentionally got Lois pregnant?

S: Yeah. Absolutely. We were at a point where Lois wasn't fulfilled anymore as a reporter, and she was happy with our relationship, but she just wanted something else, too. Eventually she realized she wanted to be a mother. So we did a little research, and a little planning- and after just two tries, well- apparently we're both very fertile.

ID: Okay, so if you intended to get your wife pregnant, what happened to the baby?

S: Same thing that happened when you thought the pregnancy was unintended- Lois miscarried.

ID: Oh. And were there complications? Can she not have children now?

S: Nothing like that, no. She just... losing that first one. You know how that old saying goes, that it's better to try and fail than never to have tried at all? Well, for her at least, losing that first child was more horrible than anything she'd ever imagined. She told me it was like losing me, but worse, because she also lost a part of herself, too. And for the longest time she just felt empty inside. And I think she's come a long way since then, but I don't think it's a scar that ever really heals. I mean, maybe, if I'd lived a little longer, maybe we would have tried again sometime down the road.

ID: You're talking about yourself as if you were already dead.

S: Am I? Hmm. I guess in a way, I feel like I am. Lois and I finally had to go shopping. She was bursting into tears every time she saw me, and I finally got it out of her that she could handle watching me die, slowly withering away, but that my clothes, big and baggy like they were, they just reminded her too much of how far gone I already was. She just needed not to have it in front of her right now. And that was when it hit, when I was in a dressing room, trying on pants that wouldn't have fit me even in high school- that's when I realized that I don't think I'm getting out of this one- and I don't think I have that much time left. I'm actually scared by that.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Too Sexy For His S

2009-09-23T07:09:00.000-07:00

Indiscreet Dialectic: I want to ask you about a new tell-all book I’ve heard about, called Beneath the Cape. Have you heard about it, have any idea what it’s about?

Superman: Yes.

ID: Okay, fine, if you prefer to play the stoic card, I’ll describe it for our Googling public: it’s about your sex life, techniques, quirks, endowments. Maybe a better question would be: is it true?

S: I suppose it would make sense to quote a former president: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”

ID: That’s a passable Arkansas, actually, but as I understand it, the author isn’t claiming that you had sex with her per se, just that she’s privy to information about your, um, escapades. What about that?

S: It’s certainly possible. Look, it’s a strange world. I can fly, and survive being shot with- well, anything I’ve been shot with so far. One of my best friends can read minds and change his shape to anything he can think of this side of an M.C. Escher sketch. Bruce dated a woman who could do real, honest-to-God magic, including making Plastic Man spend a month as a chicken. Which is to say nothing of the various technological methods of spying. So I’m not prepared to categorically deny ever having sex ever- but I can state unequivocally that no one I’ve been intimate with has ever spoken with the author of the book.

ID: I can’t help but note you’re being coy about her name.

S: Oh, I know who she is, but because I think breaking her anonymity could potentially expose her to harm from some, uh, overly enthusiastic supporters, I’m not going to out her, not to you or anyone else.

ID: But is she someone you know, someone from your past?

S: You know, that’s not a terrible question. I’ve known a hell of a lot of reporters and writers in my time, but actually no, she’s not someone I’ve known- there’s no personal angle here, at least not that I’ve uncovered.

ID: So it’s not Chloe Sullivan?

S: Uh, no- I’d, uh, heard that rumor, too, actually. And before I found out who it really was, I talked to Chloe, and no- it isn’t her.

ID: And you believe her?

S: I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this anywhere before, but I can hear extraordinarily well. Like, I can her your pulse increase when you’re worried about lying to me- or just pissing me off. I can hear the chemical reaction of neurons firing in the portion of the brain responsible for creative thought- as opposed to simple memory retrieval. So when Chloe said it wasn’t her, wasn’t anything to do with her, I believed her.

ID: And did the two of you talk about anything else?

S: We caught up a little. I think she’s doing better. Feeling happier. And I’m thankful for that. Being a part of my life hasn’t always been pleasant for Chloe, and I know more than anyone the price she’s sometimes paid for our association, but despite a lot of things, I still consider her one of my oldest friends.

ID: Isn’t the expression usually oldest and dearest?

S: I’d prefer not to air this here, but Chloe and I have had tension, and those who know know what I mean, and those who don’t have no reason or right to. I’ve forgiven her for the things she’s done against me, and I hope she’s forgiven me for the times I caused her pain. Our past has left some… trust issues, but I really, truly and honestly, wish her all the happiness in the world.

ID: You do realize that all of this spirited whispering about your checkered dalliances just means next week I’ll come back with harder questions, right?

S: Actually, no, I don’t think it will. There are a handful of people who know about this. My mother, myself, Chloe, Lois

ID: So you and your usual knitting circle

S: and none of them are going to say a word to you about it. Because it’s private. Because, really, it’s between Chloe and me- emotional spillover onto mom and my wife notwithstanding.

ID: Okay, this is beginning to bore me- due to the very g-rated content- the book. How much of it is true, and, more importantly, how long before lifetime (or maybe Playgirl) come out with their own direct to video version?

S: Try as I might, I haven’t been able to get an advanced copy, or even anything as to the specifics of what’s in it. I’m honestly a little disappointed that, at this stage in my life and career, I’m having to deal with it.

ID: That’s fair. But you said you were confident no one you’d been intimate with had spoken to the author. Now I remember you discussing a premarital relationship- that I previously theorized was with Lana Lang but could potentially have been with the aforementioned Ms. Sullivan- so not just the one with your wife that you’ve sort of tacitly acknowledged, but is there any chance you’d be willing to slip me the names, even off the record, so I could do some independent verification.

S: Sometimes you’re no better than a tabloid journalist. To clarify, I don’t mean the near respectability of British tabloid journalism, I mean the scummiest, “Did Anna Nicole Smith gain more weight?” kind of journalism, where they have fuzzy zoomed in pictures with big colorful circles pointing out cellulite.

ID: Hmm. Lot of misdirected anger, there (though my inner child is weeping openly). Did the bad paparazzi man touch you in your spandex-place?

S: Mostly, I think it’s that as a journalist, that kind of reportage disgusts me, and as someone who was raised to treat people with a certain base amount of respect- professional ethics shouldn’t even come into play, because it’s just morally wrong. But you’re right. This book is the culmination, actually, of something that’s been happening more lately- though I’ve been in my share of National Enquirers before. I was prepared for people reacting differently to me, I knew that revealing who I was and that I was dying, that that would affect people in a real way. But I wasn’t prepared for this, for the opportunists with cameras hiding in the bushes outside our apartment, the office, my doctor’s. I’m just trying to hold onto my dignity, at this point. And it’s hard, when there are people that insistent on wresting it away from you.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Cancer Benefits

2009-09-17T04:26:00.000-07:00

Indecent Dancing: Patrick Swayze’s dead.

Superman: I heard that. Um, my condolences to his family, friends, anyone hurt by his death.

ID: Of course. But does that scare you? Patrick Swayze, dead at 57. Of cancer- pancreatic, specifically.

S: I don’t know if I’m as, um, impressed by celebrity as you are. I guess as someone who has at least occasionally been lumped into the idea of celebrity, it doesn’t hold the same kind of mystique for me. There are thousands of cancer deaths a day; an American dies from cancer every minute. Ironically, I’ll be at my most ordinary- my most human- in dying, just another statistic.

ID: Hmm. So you don’t get an odd sense that you’re in a pond, and there’s ripples, and suddenly the ripples- his death- show you how very small and shallow that pond has always been?

S: I may not be articulating it well; I don’t mean to say his death doesn’t effect me, because it does. But every cancer death effects me, now hits close to home. I feel, and I think I’m quoting or paraphrasing here, “the icy breath of death at the nape of my neck” each time. But I remember watching him on Stand Up To Cancer last year, and one thing he said really did touch me, he said, “I’m just an individual living with cancer.” And I think that’s good- I think all of us that are dealing with this disease, we’re all just people. But I think his appearance at Stand Up To Cancer said something else, too, that we’re all of us just people, but that together, as a united humanity, maybe we’re more.

ID: Brings up a pointed, and probably loaded, question, though, doesn’t it. What have you done about cancer?

S: I suppose the honest answer to that is not enough. I think I spent a lot of time in denial, hoping that I could wait it out, that it wouldn’t be true forever, so if I could just hold out. But really anything I say would be an excuse. I’ve been selfish. I’ve spent time getting my affairs in order, talking to the people who are closer to me- trying to keep my day to day the same, so it doesn’t hurt the people around me.

ID: I don’t know if I’d exactly call it selfish. Those are all important things, too. And I don’t doubt that Patrick Swayze did all of those things; I mean, he still went to the trouble of completing his commitment on The Beast, for God’s sake. I don’t want it to get lost here, that I’m not condemning that side of your struggle with cancer, but I’m asking, as someone who has personally lost people to the disease, how have you, or maybe a better phrasing would be, how might you, use your elevated profile?

S: I’m not really one for speeches. And I’ve gone most of my life trying not to be recognized for who and what I am- for my circumstances, whether tragic or beneficial- but for what I do. But in this, I think you’re right, I’ve been lacking. For starters, if they want me for Stand Up ’09, I’ll be there, even if Lois has to wheel me in in a chair.

ID: You’re being hyperbolic about that, though, right? You’re not to the point where

S: No- not yet, at least. But I’ve been feeling weaker, lately. And sometimes it really can hurt to walk. It’s actually a funny thing; outwardly, I’m still strong enough to fall off The Planet building without it hurting too much, but inwardly, so many things that didn’t used to- that really shouldn’t- hurt do now.

ID: You’re not playing the pity card on me, are you?

S: Of course not. Over these interviews I’ve learned a lot about you- and pity, sympathy and whoever-forbid empathy… not exactly strengths of yours.

ID: You wound me, or you would, if it weren’t for your facetious tone, but you have a point. I play devil’s advocate a lot. I’ll be as liberal or conservative as it takes to get an interesting answer. But my heart bleeds nearly as much as Oliver Queen’s- though I don’t think I’ll ever have it in me to be as much of an ass about it as him.

S: Strong words, knowing he could split a hair at a hundred yards with his bow.

ID: Come on. It’s impossible for him not to know he’s an ass… right?

S: Actually I think Ollie’s blissfully unaware- but you’re not giving yourself due credit- I think you have it in you to be twice the ass he can be.

ID: Thanks.

S: Don’t mention it. But I think that can be an important skill for a reporter. Sometimes being nice means not telling people the truth, and a reporter’s job, inherently, is to tell people things they don’t want to hear. I think it’s good to hear from someone that you’ve been a jerk about something- it’s really the only way you know that you need to correct something- presuming if you’d known you were wrong in the first place you’d have never committed the error to begin with.

So I guess I’m saying thanks.

ID: For being an asshole. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it. On that note, in the future, given our conversation or any other factors, do you see your focus changing from tights-wearer extraordinaire to a spokesperson?

S: I don’t know. It’s certainly not something I’d have ever really thought about on my own. But now that you’ve planted that seed in my head… I think I’ll have to do something. I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself, for however long I may have left, if I didn’t.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Superman in a Dress

2009-09-09T02:55:00.000-07:00

In Drogyny: I’ve actually wanted to talk to you about this phenomenon, it’s something a colleague of mine and I were talking about. There seems to be a real trend towards male heroes being replaced by women.

Superman: Yeah, one of our strange little, secrets not exactly the right word, but something people don’t usually talk about it.

Plastic Man brought it up some time ago in the Watchtower, actually. Of course, he squeezed himself out from between two Leaguers (it might have been Hawkgirl and Canary) and said, “In the future, there will be boobs.” Lordy, I know that look- I’ve just given you the title for this piece… [Note: He was nearly right.] Anyway, he launched into a very Seinfeldian rant about how heroines were constantly popping up in the stead of male heroes. Jade. Batwoman. The female Question, Fate, Dr. Mid-Nite, Stargirl, Wildcat, Robin, Doctor Light, Hawk and Dove- though in that instance I guess it was Dove and then Hawk, Miss Martian, Speedy, Natasha Irons. He theorized that soon enough, all of us, regardless of desire, would be captured by a new villain, probably calling himself the “Inbreastigator,” who would use a combination of the Dark Arts, plastic surgery and Martian technology to give us all breast implants.

Being him, he turned the entire thing into a commentary on heroine’s self-esteem. I’ll paraphrase: Ladies, you’re good enough to hero under your own symbol, without standing in the shadow of male heroes. But if your low self-esteem won’t allow for that, Plastic Man’s got a use for your stiletto and fishnet fetishes.

And it was Hawkgirl, because, well, the rant hit a nerve, and she tried to mace him.

ID: You mean

S: Yeah, she tried to hit him with her mace. And it was Dinah, because she screamed, and it messed with Plas long enough for Hawkgirl to get in a good, solid bash to the face. They walloped him pretty good, but of course he’s Plastic Man, so after he stopped being stunned he squeezed out from under them and said, “Ladies, please, I prefer to be on top.”

ID: So you’re saying Plastic Man is borderline the office sexual predator?

S: It’s not to that level, and I don’t think it will ever get to that point. Plastic Man is just a big kid, and he flirts at the fourth grade level. I think if he ever took it too far, Diana would wrap him in her lasso and make him tell stories about his insecurities- and fear of that, if nothing else, keeps his libido to a manageable pace. And I hate to sound stereotypical about this, but I think the women in the League, generally, enjoy it. Because it’s playful, and harmless. And I think, to an extent, that with the fate of the world sometimes hanging off our shoulders, sometimes that innocent playfulness really lets us heave a sigh of relief. I could be completely wrong, but I sincerely hope that I’m not. Honestly. If any Leaguers, past or present, have ever felt uncomfortable, please, tell me, um, actually, tell Bruce. He does a better bad cop.

ID: Okay. Well, the less funny aspect of this subject is that most of those women have subsequently been killed, injured or replaced in their respective roles, by men.

S: Yes- but I would like to inject that they often were initially taking over for deceased men, as well.

ID: Okay, but do you think that’s due to any kind of bias, or… ?

S: I’m not sure what you mean. I suppose you could say, God, or whatever kind of cosmic editor you might believe in seems to have some issues with gender equality that he’s unfortunately working out within the female heroing community; this certainly goes beyond even the women in costume to cover the women who surround us. There’s been a lot of innocent people hurt over the years, perhaps a disproportionate percent of them women.

ID: So do you think there’s something to that?

S: I’m not sure I know what you’re asking. If you mean that this is the superhero equivalent of telling a doctor your wife “fell” down the stairs- no. Unequivocally, no. We’ve all had our dark moments in the community, and I know spousal abuse can and has taken place, but there’s no institutionalized understanding about violence towards women. It’s a crime, and just like any other crime, it’s one myself and the League seek full justice for under the law.

ID: Okay. I’m, I think I might be putting this wrong, I don’t want to sound accusatory, but it seems like there’s a disconnect here. More bad things happen to women, and that doesn’t seem

S: The tragedy is, more bad things do happen to women. But it’s not just in our circles, it’s all over. 80% of sexual assault victims are women. 60% of domestic violence victims are women.

If you’re saying there might be subtle biases that might make us, say, save a male over a female, then I think you’re off target. I can’t speak for everyone in our community, but by and large, we have a fairly conservative group of people, traditional, I mean, in the way we were taught to deal with the world. And in that mindset, you protect those who need it. If that means stepping between Diana and a nuclear weapon, or between Bruce and buckshot- you protect the people who need it. I’m reluctant to say what I think you might be angling for, because especially in the League it’s not strictly true, but classically women are the weaker sex- from a purely physical standpoint. That breaks down in the Watchtower, because Bruce is purely human, whereas Hawkgirl and Diana aren’t. Dinah could probably stomp all of the Robins; Batgirl certainly could. And Ollie might be stronger than Speedy, but if there’s a stick of dynamite in the room I need to save them both- but not necessarily Jesse Quick. What I’m trying to say is I sincerely do not believe that high female casualty rates can be blamed on us not wanting to save them, or even on subtle biases; if anything, our biases would push us in the opposite direction.

But if you’re asking if people like Luthor, like the Joker, have historically sought out women, going after perceived weak links, where we might be most vulnerable, where the pain might be the most severe- I think that may have happened in the past. It’s part of why we did what we did.

ID: The honeypot, right.

S: Yes. We wanted to make a better world. But like I said, a lot of us, myself included, we’re old-fashioned. Maybe I’m just being selfish, and I wanted to see that my wife was as safe as I could, or maybe it’s that my mom raised me to stand up for them, but we wanted to make a safer world for women. Because they just might be the ones who inherit the Earth.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Fathers

2009-09-02T08:41:00.000-07:00

Inescapable Dadhood: Have you watched that new show [editor’s note: at least new to Hulu] Defying Gravity?

Superman: Yeah, I’ve seen a few episodes. I’ve actually been a little concerned they’re going to pan over to “beta” and its going to resemble J’onn.

ID: That’s right. J’onn’s native Martian form, when he isn’t shapeshifting it to be more humanoid, is a little more, um, insect-like, I guess, craggier and elongated and perhaps a little scarier.

S: So is that what we’re going to talk about?

ID: Not exactly, it just got me contemplating, something I think I remember hearing you talk about in an interview somewhere, that your dad was actually a bit of a rocketry enthusiast growing up.

S: Yeah, my dad was young enough during the Apollo missions that he kind of dreamed of going into space. And when he was a kid he was a pretty big sci fi geek, especially H. G. Wells’ War of the Worlds.

My mom used to tell about the first week after my parents found me, and my dad was just freaked out. He was convinced I couldn’t be a child, that my species just had to look like children, or worse, be shapechangers who were hiding our true, hideous form until the moment was right to strike. He barely slept that week, and once, mom actually caught him trying to sneeze on me- you know, like in War of the Worlds, just to see if I had even that vulnerability.

And, you know, I actually did get a little cold. And that changed everything. I think he’d been worried, you know, because I was an alien, and, at least potentially, I could have caused significant damage to their reputation- even destroyed their home. But after that, he stopped seeing me as something else- something other- and started seeing me as an infant, a child desperately in need of protection.

He stayed with me the entire time I was sick- wouldn’t even let mom in the room, you know, because anytime I’d cough, anything not nailed down would go flying. It was dangerous.

About midway through, he was trying to feed me, and I got this lump of phlegm in my throat and I hacked really hard, and his hand, the one that had been holding the bowl near my mouth, shot back against the wall, and the bowl shattered. He cut himself pretty bad, and of course, I’m just a baby, so all I know is there’s blood and that I don’t like that so I’m crying, and he picked me up out of my crib and just held me- didn’t even worry about his cut hand. After a couple of minutes I’d quieted down, and mom came in to check, saw the blood, and he said, “It’s mine, Martha, just a little scratch on my hand,” and winced as he added, “and we broke one of your bowls.” She took him upstairs and put in, well, she says it was eight stitches, he insists it was 28, so knowing them he’s trying to grow his legend and she was trying to keep him humble, so the truth’s probably somewhere between. But that’s really when he became my dad.

ID: One follow-up: do you think your dad gave you the cold?

S: I don’t. I’d only been exposed to a little bit of solar radiation, so I wasn’t quite as durable as I might have been. I’m sure the crash only further weakened my immune system. It could have been any number of things, really.

ID: Do you think you’re equivocating?

S: Of course. He’s my dad. It’s almost impossible to think the worst of him.

ID: But that’s something your adopted father and your birth one have in common, a passion for extraplanetary exploration.

S: Yeah. My biodad, wow, just using the term makes me feel really old, was always really passionate about space. He loved Krypton, he did, but I think there was something in him that wanted to look beyond our planet, at the future of the species. I think he believed that Krypton, while it was our home, was an anchor- chaining us to less productive parts of our past.

And I ended up being very fortunate. My father eventually planned for us to be able to move vast swaths of the population, and resources, in massive, basically interstellar zeppelins, but he had his miniature working prototype ready when Krypton became unstable. Had he not been forced to do his research underground, without access to normal routes of funding, not to mention assistants and staff- it’s frustrating to think that an entire world died for lack of proper caution.

ID: And I want to play devil’s advocate for a moment- largely because I enjoy inconveniencing you, but what was your mother, um, Lara, is it, up to at the time?

S: If you’re asking of my mother was his lab assistant, or if she was the Kryptonian equivalent of a housewife? No. Mom came from a high-powered political family. My father’s family had a rich history, but we had never really been particularly liked or respected, despite many contributions. My mom came from basically Krypton’s equivalent of the Kennedy or maybe Bush family. She spent most of her time agitating politically. But, rather than marry within higher-powered circles, she married my father for love, which, somewhat tragically, is why she didn’t have the power to popularize my father’s findings about Krypton’s fate.

ID: To tear us slightly adrift of topic, have you ever thought about becoming a father? And of course, there’s the converse, have you ever worried about knocking a woman up with an unabortable fetus?

S: It’s something Lois and I talked about. I think, eventually, we might have given it the old college try- but there are certainly more inherent physical dangers involved. Two humans procreating introduces risks to both the mother and child, but throwing a Kryptonian into the mix- that complicates it further. As to accidentally being a father of an unterminatable pregnancy- I think I had a few odd nightmares in college, but never anything serious or conscious.

But I think I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to be a dad. I think it’s only natural, have two really great, caring, attentive fathers, to not want to be able to be that for someone else. I guess I always figured I was working for a better world, and waiting for that before I decided to bring a new life into it. And I think there’s a lot of that sentiment in our community- I think that’s where you get all the protégés we have. But it looks like that isn't going to happen. But I'm not mad, or sad- I don't have any regrets about it. I'm glad I've lived the life I have, the way I have- I wouldn't trade any friendship or life I saved, not even my failures or humiliations. I'd have liked things to have been different, but I'm thankful at least for the way things were.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Strange Visitors From Other Planets

2009-08-27T15:05:00.000-07:00

Intellectual Dinosaur: I came to a realization last week of something, something kind of cool yet wholly mundane: I’m talking to an alien.

Superman: Yeah.

ID: I remember that sense of, of wonder, watching things like Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and E.T.. This is… you know, we take it for granted, today, but it’s something special. I think one reason it’s become so much less, um, fantastical, I guess, is how every day it is, now. I mean, it isn’t just you, but a whole heaping helping of other heroes are aliens, too. Um, I hope I’m not spilling any unopened beans, here, but there’s the obvious ones, like Martian Manhunter and Starfire. There’s the slightly less obvious ones (at least once you realize that their wings are actually just strapped onto their backs) Hawks. Then there’s the “I’m not sure it’s not just another Look at Me stunt” variety, like Guy Gardner.

S: Yeah, that was an odd thing to find out. But… and I shouldn’t say this, but his part-alien heritage apparently didn’t give him the ability to withstand one punch from Batman.

ID: I thought that was an urban legend.

S: Nope. And sad to say, it was not the last time Bruce put Guy out with one punch.

ID: And the New Gods- I always forget that. I mean Barda, well, for an alien, she really looked quite good in those charity calendars that came out a few years ago. I mean, that bathing suit left little to the imagination, and from what I could see, there aren’t any noticeable differences in New God physiology.

S: I’ll assume you meant that as a combination compliment and gushing, “Gee we’re not so different” sentiment, and not the creepy, creepy thing it became.

But yes, point taken. There’s a bit less variety in the explored universe than many would have guessed. A less skeptic person might see a designer’s hand behind that, but I prefer to think that even entropy is entropic- that sometimes chaos despite its chaotic nature assembles things in a way that seems ordered.

ID: Sure. But then there’s the flipside, of course, that for every beneficial alien we have in our midst, we’ve got a dozen White Martians, an army of Parademons, and the sometimes hostile Rannian and Thanagarian races. And then you’ve got some of the really seriously Big Bads, like Doomsday, Darksied, Mongul, and Mageddon. I mean, we’re talking ever one in four, giving you the benefit of the doubt, is beneficial. So why do you think the public warmed so quickly to having aliens in our midst?

S: Hmm. That’s a fair question. I think, and I could be wrong, because you’re kind of asking me to read everyone’s minds, but I think that it has a lot of factors. But first and foremost, I think it had to do with our timing. I didn’t just show up one day proclaiming to be “SuperAlien” here to save mankind from its troubles. It was a while, in fact, before Lex Luthor tried to “out” me as an alien. By that point, people had taken a shine to me, and they really gave me the benefit of the doubt as you put it. Still, had Lois not been willing to lend me her reporting credibility, and give me that chance to set the record straight, I think Lex’s xenophobic ploy might well have worked.

ID: So you think, in your case, at least, it had to do with being candid with the public, building on the good will you’d already amassed. But what about some others, other people you know who’ve faced some hardships or even faced the opposite.

S: J’onn comes most readily to mind. He’s actually been on Earth longer than I have, but he initially used his shapeshifting abilities to hide his green skin, and to appear more human. I think that was probably smart; especially at the time, when race relations were so volatile, I think being a green man would have made life unbearable for him. But that doesn’t mean J’onn was hiding- because I don’t think he ever was. I think J’onn is exactly who he’s always been, and that that’s why when he got here he got a job as a detective- he wanted to be as helpful as he could. I think J’onn did what he did as much to ease our minds as to fit in.

ID: But you think fitting in played a role?

S: Of course. The main reason J’onn came here was that there were no Green Martians left. His family had been killed in the civil war- and while there were still White Martians, those that survived were war criminals in suspended animation- not exactly start a new civilization material. J’onn was looking to belong, absolutely, but he was also looking to contribute, to be a part of something larger than just himself- maybe to recreate a little bit of that family he’d lost.

ID: How about in Starfire’s case?

S: Well, she’s a Tammaranean princess with a zest for life

ID: And a skimpy costume.

S: Yes. And one of her first contacts on planet was the Titans. The combination means that she seemed fun and exciting, while still being in the company of established and trusted people. I can’t speak specifically for her experiences, but from what I’ve heard, she’s mostly experienced the better side of humanity.

ID: I think it might have helped, too, in her case, that she was here by choice. It wasn’t her and her entourage, or worse, a large contingent from her planet, just her, visiting. Kind of an interstellar tourist on a long-term visa. You and J’onn, your stories are a bit more unique, because you’re both the last of your respective races, or at least were, for all intents and purposes, when you arrived. So that has an iconic feel to it, harkening back to America the refuge of the huddled masses yearning to breath free. I think there’s something very American about that- and I don’t mean that in a way that’s at all cynical, my usually cynical nature to the contrary.

S: Yeah, that’s something I’ve always been aware of. It’s a part of why I love this country- because there’s a camaraderie in all of us being immigrants.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Presidential Power

2009-08-19T03:37:00.000-07:00

Irascible Democrat: There’s something I’ve been dying to ask you, since your view of the current President has softened, while down-home vitriol at him seems to be ever-increasing. Plus, there was his Superman joke during the campaign. So what's your take on his presidency so far?

Superman: I’m a reporter, first and foremost, so I have to take umbrage a bit with your phrasing. There are people who are angry with the President, and some of them even have a point, but if you’re specifically bringing up the Tea Parties, or the people shouting at politicians who try to speak about health care or climate change- they’re in an obstructionist minority.

But again, some of them do have a point. A wide majority of people favor health care reform. When you ask them about any specific plan on any specific timeline, support drops to a little below half. I think the problem, particularly with health care, is that the public like their health circumstances today, and they're scared of things changing. But the reality is their circumstances are constantly changing, evolving. If current trends continue, without reform costs will continue to rise, and that will mean that some people will have to change to cheaper insurance, others will lose coverage entirely. So people want to freeze their insurance as it stands today- but that isn't really possible. The public is just scared, right now, which I think is largely the fault of that obstructionist minority I mentioned, but the administration hasn't effectively countered it, either.

ID: But overall, how do you rate the President?

S: I’m not going to give him a grade, or a thumbs up or down. But I’ll say one thing for the man and the administration he's built, that I think encompasses most of my feelings on the subject: he’s trying. Whatever your political feelings on what he’s attempting to do, whatever your favorite hobby horse, he’s attempting to do something about it. That was always the most damning charge against Bush, and Luthor after him, that they were terribly passive. They wanted to let the market sort things out, let someone else figure out a way to profit when things went wrong, rather than getting in with the resources at their disposal to help. And Obama, and the congressional leadership, they’re trying. They’re fighting the good fight.

Sometimes, with all the pies they have their hands in, things get necessarily back-burnered, but I think it’s unreasonable to think even a great president would be able to address every standing question in the nation at the same time.

Take Darfur. The League came out in a joint statement with President Bush's administration, declaring our belief that what was taking place in Darfur amounted to genocide. We also filed an amicus brief of our research efforts for the ICC. Now under international law, Bush was supposed to act to stop the genocide in Darfur once it was determined to be occurring. But Bush, and Luthor after him, seemed content with that, assuming someone else would deal with it effectively.

ID: Given your own non-interventionist approach, isn't that a bit of the pot calling the kettle black?

S: The difference is slight, I'll grant you, but huge. First, the League is a collection of people from different nationalities, and are not signatories nor parties to the Convention on the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide. The CPPCG actually states in part that signatory nations have a responsibility to act against a genocide. Where the League lacks the mandate and the infrastructure, the U.S. does not. The U.S. under either Bush or Luthor could have assembled another coalition. Hell, the US could have devoted no resources whatsoever, and just called in Captain Atom, one of the few Captains in our circles who actually holds the rank legitimately- in the Air Force, specifically.

ID: Okay, so what's the difference then in current policy?

S: Admittedly, part of the change is that now there's a UN force in place, there's a warrant for genocide-related crimes out for [Sudanese President Omar al] Bashir from the ICC. But despite the fact that Darfur is at least in the process of making progress, he's still talking about it. And he's dispatched specific envoys tasked with aiding the situation. I think he could do more. I think, in private at least, he should mention Captain Atom, and the fact that one single air raid through the country could destroy upwards of 80% of the military infrastructure, and probably deliver Bashir into the waiting hands of the ICC. I think maybe Obama doesn't want to push that too hard, where he's using fear and threats as a proxy for diplomacy, and I think Darfur is one of those things that has been back-burnered in favor of pressing domestic concerns- but I think it's on his to-do list, whereas with Luthor and Bush I don't think it even registered as something they should think about acting on.

ID: Okay, what about GM?

S: I think, given the lousy set of circumstances, he’s done well enough. After all, it was the previous administration that first loaned GM billions of dollars. So when it came to choosing between letting that “investment” die- and letting all those jobs disappear- or sinking more capital into the company, I don’t think there was a good choice- so I think they tried to be practical.

ID: What about people upset about the lack of movement on “Don't ask, don't tell.”

S: I think it's still on the President's radar- it's just a difficult policy to replace with other things on the table. I think, also, he's a bit gunshy because of what happened to Clinton that originally led to the compromise that is “Don't ask.” I think it's again Obama choosing some priorities over others.

ID: Are you an apologist for the President?

S: I'm not an apologist for anyone, except occasionally myself- and even then, only when I feel I've genuinely erred. Besides which, these are your questions, which means either you were wanting me to fall the way I did, the other way, or, I suppose if you're that rare kind of genuinely curious reporter, then you were just interested in which way I eventually would fall.

ID: Okay, but if the next election were tomorrow, would you vote to reelect him?

S: I don't know- that depends on my options. If all the Republicans are offering is Palin, Romney, Huckabee, then I'd take anyone else with a pulse and a synapse or two- which would definitely include the President. If Al Gore decides to challenge as the father of a new independent party, running on a platform of genuine environmental revolution- things like mandating recyclable containers for all food products- then I don't know. I always really liked the title “man of tomorrow,” so if there were an election then, I hope I'd be looking towards the future, and who was going to get us to the best one possible.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Kryptonian Medicine

2009-08-13T03:51:00.001-07:00

Iguana Don: All right, for those of you joining us at home, the office, or wherever you read your internet interviews, this is part deux of our discussion of health care- which began with a “one thing you could fix” kind of question. We spoke for a moment off the record- full disclosure: through a bathroom door, and I’ve learned to never have burritos before an interview- but I’d like you to nutshell everything we talked about.

Superman: I suppose, and I don’t know that I was clear enough, that what I was getting at was putting science into our application of medicine. Science goes into developing all kinds of new understandings and treatments, but for whatever reason, science doesn’t seem to be applied to the administration of medicine. We don’t have good, hard data on what forms of treatment work best, and under what circumstances. For just about any ailment there’s a number of different treatments, and, with the exception of generics, it really isn’t a po-tay-to po-tah-to difference between them.

ID: Let me be clear: are you saying that maybe people aren’t worth what we spend on medication?

S: I’m saying that if a name brand pill will cure a patient in three days instead of four, but costs twice as much, it would be worth asking as a nation if our money’s better spent saving twice as many people a little more slowly. And even that’s probably a bit of a mischaracterization, because most generics are just as effective.

The main issue I see, and the waters are further muddied by lobbying and direct-market advertising of medications, but there’s a whole ocean of pills, and we test them to make sure they’re effective at what they’re aiming to do, and we monitor and label them for side effects. But what we haven’t done previously is comparative studies. Sure, atorvastatin might carry some negative side effects like headache, weakness and chest pain, but if it has twice as good an outcome as another drug, that’s what could make a huge difference. And it isn’t just in savings in unused medicine and procedures, but by getting things right the first time, by getting people the best possible care early, we’re preventing more expensive procedures, like a bypass, later on, and likely helping people live longer, happier lives

ID: Okay, time for you to be a bastard. You’ve told me all the “if I were God of health care,” pie in the sky changes you could bring about, but what’s the one hardest thing about health care?

S: It’s a resource, and no resource is unlimited. There can, should, and must be some form of limits on how we utilize health care. I think effectiveness studies are a good first step- though I can’t honestly believe that the insurance industry hasn’t been doing this all along as a cost-effectiveness measure- that in and of itself is proof of a poorly competitive industry. But I think there are likely tough questions ahead. I think rationing is something that insurers currently do, and who amongst us haven’t heard horror stories of after-the-fact denial of claims? But we may be butting up against the glass ceiling of what we can afford to pay for health insurance.

Premiums have virtually doubled since 2000; they’re predicted to double again by 2020. The average American premiums cost $7900; most people never see that cost, because a lot of that tab is picked up by their employers- and I’m going to ballpark this, since the figure I have is actually for a family- but in the last ten years workers picked up an extra $600 more on their premiums. Most employers say they’re tapped out, so if costs do double by 2020 to $15800 per person, then that whole $7900 increase will fall on the workers.

To put it another way, world per capita GDP per day is about $20. The American premiums per person per day amounts to $21.65- we’re already spending more on our health care than many people in the world have to live on every day- so there’s already rationing- just right now, it’s being rationed to the US and other wealthy nations. And I don’t mean to be playing the fear card, here, but as the US faces more competition from emerging economies like India and China, and if health care costs continue to rise- how much longer do you think we or anybody will be able to afford health care?

To bring back up prevention and healthy diet for just a moment, obesity-related disease costs the American health system about $90 billion dollars a year, of which about half is already covered by Medicare and Medicaid- in part because obesity is more prevalent in the poor and elderly. So if we were able to curb that, we’d be nearly halfway to paying for the admittedly modest reform efforts Obama is pursuing. Closely related to obesity is diabetes. Diabetes costs about $116 billion per year, again, about half of which is covered by the existing government programs. It’s true, diabetes is a bit stickier- since there are other factors including genetics at play, but if we could eliminate a significant portion of new diabetes cases through better diet counseling, just between those two preventative health efforts, we could pay for the Obama plan. And that’s ignoring that diabetes is credited with the loss of $56 billion in lost productivity due to increased usage of sick days- that’s money that would be helping the economy, a portion of which would return to the government in the form of taxes.

Sorry about the barrage of figures- I’ve obviously been researching for a story Perry has me writing. But what I’m trying to illustrate, and hopefully the science geek love of numbers my father gave me doesn’t obscure it too much, is that there has to be some limit. It might come down to the fact that we’ll be forced to decide between paying for a heart transplant for a 40 year old patient versus a 90 year old- but that’s a decision forced on us by higher costs- it’s the same decision private insurers would be forced to make, as well- though personally I think the decision is always best left in the hands of doctors whenever possible. But there is a line- there has to be. The difference is, I’d like to make that decision, since I’ve no profit motive at all, and no ulterior motive save for seeing the people I care about protected. Failing that, I think I’d prefer a nonprofit motive to a profit one, when it comes to making this hard decision.

ID: How much of your stance here is affected by your cancer?

S: That’s a very fair question- though of course I’m sure you know it’s the old journalistic ethics question: how biased are you? And of course, the honest answer to that question is I don’t know. You can never be sure, because it suffers from the observer effect as much as anything, but yes, absolutely, dying makes me realize that, particularly the slow, ponderous death from cancer is not something I’d wish on even my bitterest enemy. I think we can fix our health care system, but I do think the clock is ticking- and even if my prognosis is wrong systemically, the clock is ticking for people out there, whose lives could be saved or made drastically better.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Dr. Kent

2009-08-05T03:00:00.000-07:00

Icky Dick: I want to bounce off of our discussion last week of the TED conference, and ask you a silly question. If you didn’t have the amazing abilities you have now, but had the ability to fix one thing in the world, big or small, what would it be?

Superman: Hmm. That is a silly question, though it’s kind of TEDish in its myopic grandiosity… but it’s also a sly attempt to keep me within the realm of fickle politics. Do you play chess? You should try playing Bruce sometime…

ID: I’ve been known to lose at chess on more than one occasion. But I’d be happy to play chess with Bruce, so long as our conversation was on the record.

S: I don’t know that I’d hold my breath on that- even if I don’t really technically need to breath.

But to answer your question… I’m tempted to stymie you and say “farm equipment,” which would only partially be a joke. There is something almost spiritual about using your hands to fix something that will help feed people- there’s an uncommon nobility to that, and I think it would send you scrambling for further topics to this discussion. But I have trouble accepting the smallness of that- it would be too selfish, too personally rewarding while bearing limited good for everyone else, the fed people notwithstanding. And I like to think I’m a practical person- a pragmatist. So the real question, then, is what’s the most important problem in the world right now- or perhaps, rather than importance, the one problem in the world that has the best chance of being addressed.

There are a lot of problems mankind’s butting up against: war, pollution, famine, poverty, clean water, disease- to name just a few. So maybe my answer is simply cheating, since it touches on all of them, but I suppose, while we may not often think of it in these terms, it is a pretty basic necessity, and that’s health.

ID: Hmm. So what do you think of Obama’s plan, then?

S: I wasn’t done- but I’ll indulge you for a moment. I think, like most of the public, I can agree that one, our health care system doesn’t work like it should, and two, I have no idea what the impact of Obama’s plan is going to be. I think the truth of it is that neither can he- what he’s doing is tackling the mammoth industry in this country, and the one where all of us stand to lose or gain depending on the outcome. Health reform is necessary and worth attempting- I just hope that politics and the necessary uncertainty of change don’t get too much in the way.

But American health care is really too small- and that’s not to disparage my countrymen, merely pointing out that we’re less than 5% of the world’s population, and not everything revolves around us. Though, I suppose, at the center of this is the fact that Americans are disproportionately disadvantaged as Western nations go, so health reform would disproportionately advantage us, too.

But let me explain first what I mean about health tying into everything. Solid health reform would focus on the really easy things to fix first. As an example, more than enough food is produced in the modern world to feed the population, but it is used in such a way that food produced is more costly, less healthy, and spread less efficiently than it should be. Health reform would include better nutrituional planning in terms of what we put into our bodies and how we get it there. Health reform should also include access to clean drinking water, and some form of sewage system. These are really just part of the foundation of good health reform- and the most basic kind of preventative medicine.

And to bring back TED for a moment, providing research into cheaper eyewear, to the end of eventually supplying eyeglasses to that billion people without them- imagine how many geniuses we might be missing out on simply because they cannot see. Germany at the start of World War Two had about 80 million people, but Hitler’s policies ended up driving out some of the world’s greatest minds, Einstein, Felix Bloch, Max Born, Hans Bethe, and physicists including what would eventually become the core of the Manhattan Project. Imagine if that figure held, that once in every eighty million we got an Einstein, a Bloch and a Born- now imagine there’s a one in six chance that they wouldn’t be able to see well enough to change the world. That’s basic visual care- a pair of eyeglasses, for God’s sake, and the benefits could be incalculable.

Sorry, I was getting tangential for a moment, there. Anyway, I’ve never been one to argue green technology from a karmic standpoint, or even from a global warming one. I remember a conversation I sort of stumbled into between Bruce [Wayne] and Ted Kord, and while they were both arguing the practical and economic reasoning, I just said, “It’s poison- industry is making the planet a little more hostile to human life every single day.” Ironically enough I followed that with, “I don’t know about the two of you, but I plan on living a very long life, and it would be nice if the planet were still pretty and teeming with life for the duration.” And I don’t take any credit, in fact, if anything, I think they were both just trying to figure out how to implement green strategies, but Kord and Wayne Industries are two of the greenest companies on the planet- and just maybe pollution isn’t causing more asthma and other breathing related diseases, but it’s still several birds with one very self-serving stone.

The connection to poverty’s admittedly a little shakier, and I don’t think that health reform will fix bad economies, or even resuscitate good economies going through a bad streak, but it will help. Health costs are strangling virtually every first world nation, and lead to rationing in others. And it’s also possible we could eliminate some of that poverty by spreading out production into other nations where production costs would be lower, which would create some better paying jobs in poorer countries, and as an added side-effect, the carbon-footprint of medicines and equipment would shrink as well.

Conflict- war, violence- is one of the biggest problems on the planet, but what does conflict tie into? Disparity and inequality. Someone believes someone else has something they should, so they’re willing to fight for it- that’s in a nutshell. Of course, that dynamic is distorted by the fact that most of the time the people benefiting in a conflict are no longer those in the line of fire, so there’s really not the same cost-benefit at play. The people who fight wars in the last fifty years have usually been the poor and disadvantaged.

But in a world where people are going to live 70 years, and they’re going to be healthy and relatively happy, that comes into consideration. If I’m twenty and have AIDS in a country I can't find work let alone afford antiretrovirals then I’m more likely to make poorer, rasher decisions than someone looking at another 50 years of life and prosperity. War doesn’t end, but the pool of proxy soldiers available for pennies or vulnerable to idealogic posturing gets shallower- and you start seeing those greedy people who try to manipulate others into fighting for their benefit actually having to risk for what they’re trying to take- it becomes a different game.

The thing is, if you add up the amount of people who are suffering because of war, or even poverty, even if you could address the underlying social and economic issues, you’ll only help them incrementally, because this one issue looms so large- because the cost of healthcare and its subsequent rationing in poorer countries distorts everything else. Even if you increased global wealth per capita to the level of the American middle class, you’d still have a health crisis. But if you can drive down costs- then healthcare becomes cheaper for everyone- and as industrializing nations’ economies develop, they’ll be grandfathered into a more efficient health care system.

ID: Wow, you’ve gotten knee-deep into this and we’re already through our allotted time. Um, we’re going to keep recording, but I’m going to stop it here so I can start transcribing, and we can try and get this thing out sort of on time (since regular on time isn’t in my otherwise robust vocabulary).

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Man of Tomorrow

2009-07-29T01:20:00.000-07:00

Igor Decision: I got a message you wanted to talk to me about Ted. I presume you meant Ted Kord, CEO of Kord Industries, and, I don’t think I’m shoving him out of the closet as the Blue Beetle and a member of your Justice League.

S: Actually, I was talking about the TED conference, Technology, Entertainment, Design- though Ted is usually one of the most eagerly anticipated speakers at every TED.

ID: You did that deliberately to hurt my head, didn’t you?

S: Maybe a little.

ID: So what’s TED?

S: TED is where the future starts, or, to use their own advertising line, it’s the home of “Ideas worth spreading.”

ID: So exactly how much have TED paid you to plug them?

S: Nothing. I wouldn’t accept a penny from them- they’re doing important work, because what the conference is doing is creating a fertile soil for ideas to grow. Aside from the conference itself, which actually took place last week, they put all of the lectures up online for free.

ID: I think I read something about that on the BBC. Wasn’t this TEDGlobal?

S: Yeah, it’s the international companion to the TED conference, and was held this year in Oxford. And it’s run by the nonprofit Sapling Foundation.

ID: It’s sort of rare to see you this excited by something.

S: Rare for you, maybe, but these are the kinds of things I can get passionate about. I’m usually relegated to helping people one at a time with my hands, but I watch people like Ted Kord get up on stage every year- this year he was showing a version of his flying Bug car that runs on 95 percent solar power- the other 5 percent is still jet fuel, but still, it moves at nearly the speed of sound on 95 percent solar power. It’s not just the future of personal conveyance, but shipping and transport- you know, once he figures out how to get the cost of production a bit below 2 billion. But at TED people like Ted (sorry, couldn’t help myself) get to stand up and talk about designs and innovations that will touch thousands if not millions of lives- and not some time off in the near and distant future, but as soon as tomorrow.

ID: Okay. I’m going to take a flying leap and say you weren’t able to see most of the talks live and in person, that you’re probably one of those people downloading the videos and watching when you can, but since it’s been a week, give us your highlights.

S: There were quite a few, but for starters, there was Dan Pink’s talk about incentives, and how incentives are great for mechanical work, but the moment even rudimentary cognitive skills are involved, incentives lead to worse outcomes. Magnus Larsson talked about a way to stop desertification- the fact that the world’s deserts are slowly increasing in size, decreasing the arable land in the world- by using bacteria to turn sand dunes into stone- and the possibility of using the stone dunes for housing. And there was Eric Giler’s WiTricity, which allows wireless electrical transmission.

ID: This is normally the part where I’d interrupt to tease you about being “the Man of Tomorrow,” but honestly, it’s refreshing to see you geeking out this hard over something. But for those of us who aren’t regular TEDites

S: TEDsters.

ID: Whatever, since you’re a reporter, I imagine you’ve got some things scrawled in a notebook, so give us a favorite quote.

S: Uh, I think my favorite quote of the conference was, “The problem with stereotypes isn’t that they’re untrue, it’s that they are incomplete and make one story the only story.” That was from Nigerian storyteller Chimamanda Adichie. It also actually echoes something Alain de Botton said, which, when out of context, parallels Adichie, “A snob is someone who takes a small part of you and uses that to paint a complete picture of who you are.”

ID: Hmm… I think I’m going to interrupt you, there, and turn the conversation from stereotyping to profiling. Obama, who you seem to broadly approve of, seems to have stepped into a cowpie over his comments related to the arrest of Henry Louis Gates, a professor of African American studies at Harvard. Just for those who aren’t Daily Planet RSS feed fiends, Gates was arrested while trying to unjam his front door after proving that it was indeed his home- reportedly for disorderly conduct. The incident was at least partially racially charged, if only because Gates brought it up at the time. As someone who has been an outsider, and someone who really wants to see America live up to its potential, and because I want to, like the President, completely destroy your point for a moment by going off topic onto a racial issue, what’s your take on it?

S: You know, like yourself, I’m a bit of a news junky. I’ve been following Sarah Palin and the Gates affair far more closely than I’d like to admit. But honestly, I think it’s all been blown out of proportion. I think it would be ridiculous not to admit that racial politics come into play whenever a white officer confronts an African American- that’s just a part of the culture and social history of the country. The degree to which it played a role is arguable, but is in this case, at least, unimportant. The officer probably did act stupidly- so did Gates. It’s never a good idea to be confrontational with police officers. And I’m not saying a white officer is never justified in arresting a black man for disorderly conduct- I’m saying the police should have been more careful in their application of the law, because I don’t think the described behavior amounts to disorderly conduct under Massachusetts law. And when the President learned that his friend was arrested by a white officer under less than perfect circumstances, he felt the same sting and stigmas that African Americans have felt going back decades at least; in responding to that understandable personal feeling publicly, in stating that the officer acted stupidly, even though I think it’s pretty clear he did, the President himself acted stupidly. So really, you have three men acting stupidly, and unfortunately it happened in public- but they’re all people, and I think that’s where the story begins and ends.

ID: Okay, unlike the President, I’ll let you finish off on-topic; what was the most important part of the TED conference for you?

S: Thanks, I guess. But I think, for me, the most biggest moment came in the talk by Josh Silver, and for that one I was actually lucky enough to be in attendance, albeit in my more mild-mannered reporting persona. Silver asked the audience how many of us were wearing some kind of corrective lenses- glasses or contacts, and most of the audience raised their hands- including me, since as Clark Kent, and I still do it out of habit, I wear glasses.

And it’s not particularly surprising that most of our hands went up, since 60 percent of the world needs some sort of vision correction, but then he mentioned that, while we at the conference were fortunate enough to have the lenses we need, that a full 1 billion of people in the world don’t. A full billion people in the world can’t see as well as they should be able to- if that doesn’t strike you, then I- I just don’t know. Silver pioneered a pair of $19 eyeglasses that can be assembled by anyone anywhere in the world- but the catch, of course, is that many of the target users are surviving on $1 or less a day- so the price is still a bit steep.

And I remember the first time I ran into one of these issues, granted, not quite on this scale; it might have been antiretrovirals for a country in crisis, something like that, but I flew right to Bruce’s home and told him it was a simple problem he could solve with only a few hundred million dollars. And what struck me was he was aware of the problem, quoted me the figures I’d just found out about, that I’d been so excited to share, and then told me about the depth of the same problem in the country bordering it to the west, and then the same in the country bordering it to the east. “I could help,” he said, “but if I spend the money today, then I can’t put that money towards research and reform, where it will reap ten times the benefits in a few years’ time.”

And I’ll never forget what he said to me: “I envy, you, Clark. All that power, and you can’t fix the world, you can’t even really start. But me- I could solve a dozen problems- but there will always be more. So I can do the most good by damning millions of people to suffer in the short term.” It’s the only time I remember his voice cracking, when he said, “I truly envy your powerlessness.”

I found out later that he managed to help the country secure a loan through some contacts he has at the World Bank, and helped provide some generic antiretrovirals at what was almost certainly below cost. But he was right, and that’s why I wanted to talk about TED. Doing what I do, I could never really save the world. But people, ideas, innovation- that’s how the world changes.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Absent Friends

2009-07-21T06:14:00.000-07:00

Insanity Disco: You've given your share of eulogies, which gives you a macabre kind of perspective on it. Who would you like to eulogize you?

S: I'd like Lois to do it- I've asked her to do it- but I don't think she will. She says as a reporter she's too close to it- and that as a wife she's going to be too distraught to do it right. I think Diana would do it if she had to, and that she has an eloquence few people credit her for, but I think the both of them will be enough to force Bruce to give it.

ID: And you smile a little at that; is it because you're happy he'll be giving your send-off, or because you like the idea of him browbeaten by the two strongest women you know.

S: Can't it be both? No, um, I think Bruce will give a fine speech; I think he'll agonize too much over it, but I think in the end him giving the speech will be good for his soul, and good for ours- our community; it'll put him at the head of our table, so to speak, and I can't think of anybody better to be there.

ID: Not Diana?

S: God, I’m treading carefully, here, trying not to sound sexist- Diana’s a fine woman, but she isn’t a leader. She’s more important than that. A leader, really, is just a figurehead, someone to follow into what, under normal circumstances, would be an insane situation. When it comes to joining the fray, there is no one as stalwart or as fierce as Diana- but the fact is that she’s very much a single combatant. In part because she is a woman, really the first superhuman female to come to anyone’s mind, she has always maintained a certain degree of self-reliance. She doesn’t wait to see what a Flash is going to do, or a Green Lantern, or J’onn, or anyone else- not even me or Bruce- she leaps into battle to take care of what she thinks needs to be taken care of. Bruce, by contrast, relies on the rest of us- loathe as he might be to admit that- but when a building’s falling on a crowd, he can’t do more than save a few of the people himself, people he can carry out from under it- so he’s been forced for a long time to rely on the rest of us, which has really helped build him up as a coordinator and as a leader.

ID: But you prefaced that by worrying about sounding sexist. Why?

S: Because I think in a way it is influenced by gender. And I’m not saying the League couldn’t follow a strong woman’s lead, I just think that for some of us it would take an adjustment, perhaps even a revelatory moment. I don’t think I’m one of those people- but I think it would be naïve to think that in such a testosterone heavy community there wouldn’t be some flare-ups.

ID: Hmm. We may come back to that later, but today I want to focus on people you’ve lost. I'm not sure how much you believe in an afterlife beyond the waiting room you've said you met your father in, but could you talk about some of the people who preceded you you'd like to meet again.

S: Obviously, there’s my father; I find myself hoping there is at least some kind of a purgatory, because I’d like to see him again. We didn’t always, see eye to eye isn’t quite right, but I think maybe I stopped being entirely his son when I found out I, well, wasn’t. I think the fact that I was an alien, that I felt like an alien, that I felt like I was alien even to my own parents- I think it pushed him away.

I remember quite clearly one day, I used my abilities in town. I mean, there was a fire, and I did help save this little boy and his dog, but what I didn’t realize at the time was my dad was at the store across the street, and he saw. Truth be told, it wasn’t that he saw that, but that he saw that Lana was there, that she had that aura about her, admiration mixed with a tinge of worry, and he knew me well enough to know I was showing off. And it wasn’t that I saved the boy, but that I didn’t even think about how easy it would have been for the Fire Department to get to him, and beyond that, how stupid I was doing it all just to impress a girl. And he said he knew he’d raised me better than that, that he didn’t recognize his own son at that moment.

And I’ll never forget what I said, because I think it may have been the single most spiteful thing I’ve ever done, but I told him, “Because I’m not.” And I think I hurt him in a way I never intended, I think I caused serious long-term damage to our relationship. I never took into account that, as hard as finding out that I was adopted had been on me, it had had consequences for those I cared about, too. I don’t think he ever looked at me the same way; I don’t know if he ever would have been able to, but I think, dying the way he did, we’ll never get that chance to iron it over.

ID: And what about Connor [Note: Superboy, Superman’s adolescent clone]?

S: I miss him. I always used to, well, I guess I just didn’t understand it, Bruce’s relationship with his second Robin. He was headstrong- maybe even bratty- and he and Bruce were at cross-purposes almost from the moment they met. But when he died, Bruce mourned him as hard as he’d mourned his parents- maybe harder, since that Robin was just a kid, which only increased the tragedy. And it really wasn’t until Connor that I understood.

From the moment I first saw him, Connor was a jackass. I remember he sued me over the use of my name and insignia- and he wore his hair like one of the New Kids on the Block- only this was half a decade after they’d disappeared.

ID: I do remember you sporting an, ahem, party in the back hairstyle about that time, just so you don’t start throwing stones in your glass fortress.

S: I’d just come back from the dead. I think it’s safe to say I wasn’t entirely in my right mind in those days.

ID: Fair enough. But you mentioned something that’s always been kind of rumored, something that’s delicate so I’ll try and be gentle, but, one of the Robin’s was killed. Do you think Batman bears any responsibility for that, perhaps in the form of criminal negligence?

S: Criminally, I don’t know. I tend not to pay too much attention to the word criminal, since vigilantism, which, frankly, is what a large part of what I do is, is technically criminal in the eyes of the law. But a better way to look at it would be is he morally negligent.

I don’t want to go too much into that particular Robin’s life, because I don’t have the right to reveal it, but I’ll say this: he was headed for a bad life, a hard life, and in all likelihood a violent end. What Bruce did, what he tried to do, was give him structure, and discipline, and an outlet for all the things that were going to get him into trouble. Morally, I think Bruce’s intentions were good ones, but at the end of the day that doesn't matter, because Jason died.

But if you’re asking if Bruce bear’s responsibility for his Robin’s death- no, I don’t think he does, but at the same time, I know he disagrees. And I think every single day for the rest of his life Bruce is going to bear responsibility for his death; I don’t know if that’s right or not, but it’s a cross he won’t ever even attempt to set down.

ID: Do you think, given the death at least of one Robin, that using minors as vigilantes is a practice that should be discontinued?

S: I sincerely believe that what we do is a calling. Some people have the skills and the drive and desire to do what we do. What we do can also be, unfortunately, very dangerous. I just hope we continue to train and protect the next generation as best we can- it’s a standard I think we’ve tried to stick to, and one I hope we can live up to.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Cruelty Free

2009-07-14T07:25:00.000-07:00

Indigent Diatribe: Given the tenor of last week’s topic, I want to return. With what you said about hunting, are you a vegetarian, and if not, how, given your own sentiments, can you justify it?

Superman: I’m not strictly a vegetarian. I think you’re right, that there is an inherent hypocrisy to it- and it’s no excuse that “everybody” does it. But like most people, there’s a purposeful disconnect, between the living animals and the meat I eat.

ID: You’ve said you’re not even certain you need to eat, so why, when you have obvious ethical concerns, do you continue to eat meat?

S: Because it tastes good; sorry if that sounds glib, but I don’t really have a good reason. Sometimes I crave an angus steak, or a big juicy burger, a pepperoni pizza, or, and just the thought of it makes my mouth water, but some of my mom’s bacon.

ID: But they have vegetarian substitutes for all of those things.

S: Very true, but you know all those subtle imperfections, the little things that keep carnivores from switching to meat-substitutes- well, they’re a thousand times more noticeable with super senses.

ID: So you prefer to go against your own ethical constraints because meat tastes a little better?

S: Let me ask you something: are you a vegetarian?

ID: Nope. Girlfriend is- but I try to tempt her every chance I get (though it usually just makes her nauseous). But if your next question is how can I stand in judgment- I don’t. Personally, I’d be happy to go get a burger from the Ace O Clubs after we finish taping tonight. But I’m not asking the question for me- I’m acting as the proxy for all the vegan hippies out there- just like last week I was standing in for all the NRA faithful who are missing tonight’s installment because they’re home gunsterbating. .

S: Fair enough. But there is an important aspect that tends not to get talked about- one that I think is, while perhaps less important, will probably be the deciding factor in the debate- and that’s the incredible cost of meat. And that’s not just in the price at the supermarket, which consumers already see, but the cost in terms of resources. It takes at least three times as much water to produce a pound of beef as a pound of grains; and it takes at least three pounds of grains to produce a single pound of beef. As the population climbs, and resources become even more limited, I think it’s purely unsustainable to continue eating meat the way we have.

So I try. For reasons related to sustainability and the cost and impact on the environment and economy, for reasons related to the well-being of the animals, I try to abstain as often as possible. Lois has even found a decent vegetarian Chinese restaurant, where they can season their tofu to taste like just about anything- well, close to, anyway.

ID: I assume that if you want to eat the cow, you don’t mind people using the hide for leather, but what about non-food animals, like minks? Do you agree with people who say that fur is murder?

S: I don’t, actually. Fur isn’t murder. Nor is consuming meat. I think both of those go to human health and comfort, which I think is important to place above animal rights (if only just). But hunting is different- and I’m not saying hunting for food, but “sport” hunting. It’s based on the premise that a few moments of human amusement are worth the killing of an animal in an uncontrolled and less-humane way.

ID: Since the interview is running about half as long as I want, let’s beat this horse a little deader: do you and your wife use cruelty-free products?

S: I honestly have no idea- though I usually go pretty light on the products, actually- and Lois, Lois hardly needs any make-up at all- except for lipstick, because nobody’s lips are naturally that color.

ID: So you’re saying your hair does that s-curl thing naturally? I suppose it’s plausible, since judging from Smallville you’ve had excellent hair going back to at least high school.

S: Yeah, I wish I looked like Tom Welling when I was that age- especially that hair. When I was a kid I had- well, it was before we figured out how to tame my hair.

ID: Okay, I’ll bite, how do you tame your hair?

S: Well, I started using heat, because it was easier to find a source of intense heat and some metal wiring- but the best I could ever do was give myself a really horrific perm- which really wouldn’t even completely take, because flying as fast as I do it would get tousled.

And it was actually Bruce, one of the first couple of times we worked together, who figured out how to do something about it. I was complaining about not being able to keep my hair off my face, and a few days later a package arrived at my doorstep. It was an experimental industrial adhesive, quick-drying, and a solvent. There was a note, “for your hair.” And at first I thought, “God, Lex, this is the lamest thing you’ve ever done.” Not only was it a lame set-up, but the goal, ostensibly attempting to make me bald like him, was also lame- but then, and I know this will sound weird but remember that I have heightened senses, but I smelled Bruce in the package, and I realized that it was okay.

ID: Ew. So you’re saying you have an industrial adhesive in your hair right now?

S: Actually, right this second it’s a fruit-based hair gel. But I keep a tube of adhesive with my “suit.” If I’m just walking around town, I don’t need the “designed to keep a fighter plane wing on” hold, but if I’m well, flying several times the speed of a fighter plane, then I do.

ID: Okay, that covers half my ew, but you’re saying that you can smell people.

S: Of course. There’s a layer of hygiene smells, your shampoo, laundry soap, deodorant, toothpaste, then there’s whatever sweat and secretions you’ve produced since your last bathing, and beyond that, everybody has a base smell. In part, it’s because nobody really gets completely clean in a shower, and in part it’s because everything has a smell. So yeah, there was a distinctive collection of odors that was Bruce- it’s not quite snowflake unique, but pretty much everybody I know has a recognizable scent. Of course, there was one time Bruce was testing out a chemical smell camouflage device, and he snuck up behind me smelling exactly like Lois- that was bizarre.

ID: And, given your, well, super crush on Lois, is it safe to assume you found Batman’s presence, uh, arousing?

S: No comment.

ID: Stop looking at me like that. I know, I know, new journalistic low. But that’s the kind of unasked question that would keep me up at night.

S: You do realize the kinds of slash fiction that’s going to inspire, right? Lois likes to read it, just so she can point out the cruder, more compromising passages.

ID: Well, you heard it here, first, folks, Lois Lane reads slash fiction.

S: You really almost make me wish you were the one with cancer.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Speeding Bullet

2009-07-07T03:41:00.000-07:00

Incomprehensible Dianetics: I want to ask you a divisive question, one which, as a man who's impervious to injury personally but deals in a very hands-on way with the criminal element might be perfectly positioned to respond to. What's your stance on gun control?

Superman: I’m not against it. Now let me admit, before we even look at the merits, that I'm biased. Weapons and war had a part in destroying my home.

ID: Uh, could you explain that in a bit more detail, for those of us who don’t buy and feverishly reread the trading cards.

S: Sure. During what was, essentially, a civil rights movement on Krypton, a terrorist breakaway group used what was basically a nuclear gun on the planet. The weapon slowly destabilized the planet, to the point where it basically exploded.

ID: It doesn’t sound like your arguing gun control, but weapons control, which I don’t think anyone would

S: Sure they would- and that’s the thing. You have to draw a line somewhere, don’t you? If I have a right to bear arms to resist the government, but the government has a fighter jet, well then to properly resist, I need a Stinger missile. Or, in all honesty, I could probably use a fighter jet of my own.

ID: So you see a problem with civilian-owned fighter jets?

S: As a concept, maybe not, assuming they became like automobiles, where everyone had one in the garage- and from there you can always make the argument that “an armed society is a polite society.” But in reality, fighter jets are expensive. The only people who would be able to afford them would be the superrich. And while it might not be a horrible thing if Bill Gates or Bruce Wayne owned and operated fighter jets, what about the Lex Luthors of the world? And speaking of Lex, I know for a fact he’s had access to fissile material through LexCorp.’s energy division. Obviously we don’t want him to be able to legally make and keep nuclear weapons.

But really, to take a plane out of the sky, you don’t really need anything too advanced. Barrett is making a 25 mm rifle, right now. 25 mm is a grenade round, usually, but they’re using it for a next-gen anti-materiel weapon. A 25 mm round would punch a hole in an airplane bigger than my fist. Against a fighter jet, well, it’s hard to hit something moving that fast, but against a commercial airliner…

ID: I think we can agree that some level of arms control is necessary.

S: And I suppose there’s a second component to my bias. There’s the destruction of my home world, but on Earth I’ve seen a lot of loss that can be attributed to weapons, too. To pick a specific example, an unlicensed firearm killed the parents of one of my greatest friends- and even though that gave the world the Batman, and even though without that event, he and I likely would never have met, I love him enough that I would gladly lose him to spare him their loss.

ID: You love Batman?

S: The one thing dying really brings you is clarity. I could be stoic, puff my chest out like my dad, and die without admitting who I am to the people I care about- but I don't want to be like that. I'd rather be able to stand, with grace and with dignity, and say how I feel. Bruce is my friend, and I truly, dearly love him.

ID: Okay, but do you believe that more stringent gun laws would have prevented the Wayne’s mugging (and subsequent murder)?

S: On that specific occasion? I have no idea. But generally speaking, tighter gun control laws could make it more difficult for criminals to get guns, and more dangerous for them to use guns against innocent people.

ID: I don’t know if it’s a fair argument you make, because you are, for all intents and purposes, a superweapon- guns do nothing but bring the average person a little closer to your level of potential resistance from the government (or a threat).

S: First, a gun doesn’t give you anything close to enhanced ability- it’s a tool with a very specific purpose. And second, you’re wrong about me- at least me personally. Yes, I do have a lot of power at my disposal, but I’ve always considered it necessary to remain a normal member of human society. So it wouldn’t be right of me to use my abilities to, say, destabilize the American government. I have just as much revolutionary power as any citizen- voting. And if that fails, I have the same right as every other American- the right to leave. To your third, somewhat veiled point, I am a little safer from muggers or people who would try to do me harm, but I think you’re exaggerating my position to make it more contentious. I’m not against guns generally- I’m just for the idea that we control them tightly, that we do everything a responsible but free society can to keep our fellow citizens safe.

ID: Hmm. I’m going to take a flying leap here, but have you ever fired a gun?

Yes. But a lot of my opinions were shaped by the first time I carried one. My father took me hunting when I was little- still too young even to use the .22 he bought me to learn on. But he taught me how to make sure it wasn’t loaded, how to treat it, and respect it- and he made me carry it. And what we found out that day was, with my senses, I made for an excellent tracker. Following just the faintest of smells and tiniest of clues, we stalked a deer for the better part of a day.

When we got close enough, I could hear its heart, and as we closed the distance its metronome thump-thump got louder and louder. The deer was stopped by a small creek, drinking, but even though we had to be too far away for it to hear us, it knew something was wrong. Its head came up, ears alert, eyes scanning. Its heartbeat increased, pounding in my ears as my father raised his rifle. Something primal in me reacted; the deer’s heartbeat in my ears became my own, its fear became my own. I was young, not so fast or strong, and I wasn’t even fast enough to say, “Dad,” before he took the shot.

I ran, reaching through the blurred landscape for the bullet as it spun in slow motion through the air. I was fast enough to grab it, but the impact burst the skin in my palm. But the deer was terrified, first of the gunshot, then of the small boy suddenly rushing at it, and it stumbled as its heartbeat became increasingly erratic, and I watched in horror as it’s heart went from too fast to too slow, then stopped entirely. I didn’t know CPR, but I was going to try and resuscitate it when my dad finally caught up, put a hand on my shoulder and said, “Son.” And I fell to my knees, crying, and then he noticed the blood and said, “Your hand.”

Of course, I didn’t even really notice the pain, and it wasn’t why I was upset. I said, “Dad, we killed it.” And my dad took me in his arms and he said, “No, son, we didn’t. I did. You tried to save it.” But even at that age I knew he never would have gotten anywhere near the deer if it hadn’t been for me.

I didn’t ask him to stop, but my dad never hunted again. He’d still go shooting- he took me to the range a couple of times- but I think he understood, seeing my reaction, the truth that hunters have to sort of bypass on an ethical level- that they’re killing something, and not just that it’s dying, but that it’s dying alone and afraid- that there’s nothing fun or sporting about that.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Farm Boy

2009-06-30T00:45:00.000-07:00

Ignifluous Debilitation: For those of you reading along on the blog, it’s been a week, but for Clark and I, it’s been long enough to brew another pot of coffee- and, since Clark hasn’t been drinking any of the coffee, for me to get rid of the last pot- but we’re returning to hear his thoughts on immigration.

And I’m not here to sling mud, but, since it’s father’s day, I don’t think I could not ask a question that sort of bridges the gap between that subject and today, but your father worked with illegals on his farm, right?

Superman: Yes.

ID: So what are your thoughts on that?

(pause)

S: Illegal labor has become part of the reality of American farm work- particularly for small, non-corporate farms. Bigger farms, corporate farms, can afford to buy and operate massive modern farm equipment; they’re also helped by the proportional stacking of farm subsidies. My father’s farm- my mother’s farm, now- is at least statistically typical of a normal family farm in Kansas. Last year, he received a subsidy in the amount of about $1000; he needed that money, and he was grateful for the money, but at the same time, the company that’s been buying up smaller farms in the area, that has an annual yield into the millions, received a subsidy worth more than his entire farm is worth, land, equipment, and the house where he lived. The point of subsidy is supposed to be to help farmers make it through bad growing seasons, not to finance the expansion of megafarms.

ID: Do you have a problem with the idea of corporate consolidation?

S: Generally speaking, no. But I was raised on a small family farm; I learned the value of work on a small family farm. I’m biased, I think, against the idea that we’re losing that part of our heritage, and our history- and I certainly don’t like the idea of a megafarm.

And I’ve also seen the sinister side of corporations. Lex Luthor often abused his position in places of economic power- the specter of corporate consolidation placing too much power in a single individual’s hands is indeed a real, problem is too strong a word, but maybe dilemma. But no- I think consolidation can increase efficiency, which at the end of the day frees up resources that can be put to use elsewhere; my only caveat is that it’s important to be sure the human element isn’t forgotten, there. In the long run, people really are the most important resource- as workers and as consumers- without people, the concept of wealth is meaningless.

ID: You mentioned subsidies a moment ago, and it’s nice for once for you to be the one pushing hot button topics onto our agenda. So, having been both the beneficiary of and on the uneven end of subsidies, how do you view them?

S: I think any time you talk about subsidies there are really two different discussions. The first covers who and how much, and the second deals with where. Farm subsidies, as currently implemented, have a disproportionate effect on the market, providing lots of capital to large, wealthy growers, and providing little support to smaller, struggling growers. Small growers are already working against the advantages of economies of scale, but when you add to it the larger subsidies, it really becomes easy to understand why small farms have become an endangered species. It’s gotten so that smaller farms are sometimes binding themselves together in collectives to receive the same oversized benefits. Can you think of any other industry where entrepreneurs are forced to merge in order to compete?

ID: Aside from the porn industry, no.

S: Cute. My point is I do think some kind of reform is preferable on the first question. On the second, well, broadly speaking, farm subsidies in this country are a good thing. The problem internationally with the way that subsidies are implemented, though, is they often pay a farmer to produce a crop at an artificially low “cost,” which disrupts the market because he can sell at an artificially low price and still make a profit. This is fine if the goal is simply to subsidize low prices in the country- then it’s just a socialized policy of spreading the increased burden of food prices more evenly across the nation- but once those artificially low prices leave the American market, they start to affect global crop prices, which disrupts markets worldwide- not to mention that it’s a waste of tax money.

It makes farmers in, say, Africa, where labor and production are actually cheaper, unable to compete with the artificially cheaper US agricultural products- which depress the value worldwide. It strangles out local farm industries which may be the only local labor available. It’s actually the same thing that illegal laborers coming into this country do, but in reverse.

ID: So you’re saying you’re against illegal laborers, then?

S: Put bluntly like that, yes, I’m against illegal laborers. But the solution isn’t as simple as push them back into Mexico and build a really high wall. I’d say we should have a two-pronged approach, maybe three. First, we need to go after the people who hire illegal laborers. Second, given that our system has, over the last hundred years or so, encouraged them to cross over, I think it would be a noble gesture, and there is some precedence for this, but to provide moving expenses for Mexicans or whomever to get back to their country. And the somewhat third prong would be to encourage trade with Mexico, but not at the bargain-basement prices, but to rewrite NAFTA with the caveat that Mexican goods have to be produced in conditions similar to American workplaces- that means safety, environmental. And over the next, say, ten years, you could mandate a minimum wage for goods bound for the US, until at year ten they reach the US minimum wage.
It makes Americans more competitive in the short term, and ensures better global competition in the long. And it could work.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Immigrant

2009-06-23T06:42:00.000-07:00

Ignescent Diabetes: Last week you had an emotional moment, but I think I want to drag your good name through the mud again- wait, don’t make that face- this is a chance maybe for you to do some good, to put out the word, change minds. You’ve said you really sympathize with the immigrant experience, which which makes sense, given that, for all intents and purposes, yours is a mythic immigrant story. It’s also interesting to note that, until recently, yours was also an illegal immigration- that you were, no pun intended, an illegal alien- since your adopted parents never declared you to the INS.

Superman: Actually, the laws were a little more lax when I was "born"; my parents claimed that my mother gave birth to me at the family farm, and applied for a separate birth certificate and social security number. So legally

ID: But that was basically a lie, right? So really, up until your marriage to a US Citizen, you weren’t technically a citizen.

S: If I were to accept your premise, then I’m not now a citizen, either, because marrying a citizen only makes you eligible for citizenship. You still have to take the test, and I think there’s some fees involved…

ID: Okay, but I think my point is still basically there, even if you’re being crotchety today- that you’re uniquely attuned to respond to this. How do you feel about the current climate surrounding immigration?

S: I know you think you’re being cleverly divisive, but really, this is kind of a softball question. Historically, if you look at this country, and of course, all civilization, in times of economic hardship, people look for someone to blame. Classically, it’s been immigrants- foreigners, someone with just enough social or cultural or ethnic difference that you could claim it was someone who wasn’t like you whose fault it was. Look back at the Great Depression, and the mammoth uptick in deportations under Hoover. Hell, the 50s was a prosperous decade, but apparently not prosperous enough for Eisenhower, who rammed through the purely hateful “Operation Wetback”- it was actually called that- that’s still a black eye on our nation. But that we’re having similar issues today, people scapegoating immigrants, as if they were responsible for all of the economic woes of our nation isn’t surprising- though it is saddening to see it still going on today.

ID: Okay, granted, the anti-immigrant- and particularly anti-Mexican sentiment- is pretty indefensible, but it leads into the larger issue, and while the tone is often wrong, there is an economic argument at the heart of it, namely that illegal workers really do depress wages, that their work conditions are rarely kept to labor standards, that these workers can create a burden on social services- though I’d probably point out that a lot of illegal immigrants actually do pay taxes, often in the hope that it will help them later on when they want to become citizens. But the question is what do you think is the solution to illegal immigration?

S: You hate me, don’t you. Everyone else tries to give me an easier time, but you- I don’t think I’d like you if I met you even under other circumstances.

ID: I wasn’t under the impression you were fond of me under these ones.

S: Point. I think it’s important to recognize that illegal immigration isn’t the problem. It’s not. Illegal laborers are barnacles on the hulls of ships, but declaring a war on barnacles ignores the economic ecosystem that allows and even encourages them to thrive. Basically, they’re merely a symptom of our broken system.

The larger issue is that world trade is dysfunctional. The amount of money I spend on a nice dinner out with my wife in Metropolis could feed a family of four for a month in parts of Africa, could cover familial expenses for a week in parts of Mexico. The vast disparity in quality of life and cost of living is what drives this economic dysfunction.

Our current system creates a demand, on both sides of the equation. Farmers and a system that demands cheap agricultural products, just as an example, need cheap labor. But that labor that by our standards is cheap, by their standards is incredibly generous, and the small amounts they can squirrel away and send home amount to enough of a carrot to encourage them to act unlawfully. Dealing with it only from the supply side doesn’t eliminate the need- it’s like the cops seizing a heroin addict’s drugs- it doesn’t stop them from being heroin addicts, it just means they’re that much more desperate to fill their need the next go round.

ID: So you’re saying we’re addicted to cheap labor.

S: Yes, absolutely. It’s helped us maintain our lifestyle, because we can have artificially cheap food, build artificially cheap homes, buy artificially cheap goods from China- the American economy hasn’t kept pace with American desire, particularly on the lower end, but these sources have kept our perceived wealth propped up. We’ve all gotten used to living artificially well. The world is not as kind as it’s seemed to Americans. We’ve really been consuming more than our share of the world’s goods and resources, and at least some of our largesse has to come to an end- it’s just not sustainable.

ID: Okay… I think that all helps us frame the debate to your liking, but what’s the solution here?

S: I think enforcement has to play a part. And I don’t really consider myself a law and order person- at least not next to Bruce- but to curb it, what you need is strong regulation and fierce enforcement of the laws. That doesn’t mean abusive, coercive, or terroristic law enforcement policies- and our country, and I do take ownership and say it’s my country and partially my problem, as well, but our country has a history of resorting to domestic terror when dealing with illegal immigrants. And we’re better than that- we can and should continue to be and strive to be better than that.

ID: That tells us what you don’t want, but what do you think is the right approach?

S: I think immigration limits are probably necessary. Without them, people would leave poor countries and flood into rich ones- which would become poor as the distribution of that wealth thinned amongst a distended population. Strict enforcement of immigration limits comes in two ways: one, securing the border, which I honestly think the US has always done a decent job of, and two, in tight employment controls. This comes in both requiring proof of citizenship or eligibility to work from prospective employees in all fields, and in harsh penalties for those found skirting the law. Dry up that demand we talked about, and there won’t be any call whatsoever for a supply of cheap labor. This will, necessarily, increase the costs of goods and services across the country- but that’s the honest cost of living in America.

But more importantly, for our future and the future of the human race, what we must do is continue to develop the third world- the fastest way is to continue to encourage investment and competition in local economies, while cheaply sharing our technologies. It means setting aside the profit motive temporarily in those countries, offering up existing break throughs at or near cost to help kick-start their economic development- which in the long run is good for everyone, because it enhances worldwide production and increases total human wealth- which really is good for companies, because it means more potential customers down the line. And by working to equalize the quality of life and the cost of living across countries, we’d eliminate the draw of working illegally anywhere.

ID: My next questions a bit more contentious, and I’m thinking this discussion’s going to go long, so we’ll break it up, here, and return to it next week.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Believe A Man Can Fly

2009-06-16T04:03:00.000-07:00

Superman: I want you to know I was affected by what you said a few weeks ago- the implication that I’d been spending more time away from people. I guess it was something I was doing, and and was conscious I was doing, but that I hadn’t really acknowledged. Anyway, there was a car accident a mile from my apartment; I heard the horrible crunch of metal, and I listened, and could hear a slow, depressed heartbeat.

Now, when I want to, I can move at such a speed that I’m little more than a blue and red blur, but what you’d said- I grabbed the man, an older gentleman, probably in his sixties, and took him to the hospital, left a note on his chest describing the scene of the accident for them- but then I rushed back to the scene, and did something I hadn’t done in a while: I stood there. Not moving, not flying, but I stood there, and I asked, “Is everyone else all right?”

And there was just shocked, stunned silence; I caught myself wondering if my fly was down or something

ID: And you might have even checked- though at such a speed that the world would never know.

S: Right. But the man the other driver hit, a cab driver, he put his hand on my shoulder, and that was when I looked in his eyes, and they were full of tears as he said, “Oh, Superman.” And looking around at the crowd, they were teary eyed, too, and I probably would have burst into tears right then, but the cabby took me into this big bear hug- I think any other time I would have resisted, just naturally, and I wasn’t physically weak enough that I couldn’t have, but emotionally, there was just no way I could have or would have even wanted to resist it.

After a moment, I summoned all the strength I had left in me, and I asked the crowd again, all without the cabby letting go of me, “Is everyone here all right?”

He pulled away from me, and his whiskers scraped against my neck, and I smelled his aftershave and I realized he’d left tears streaked across my shoulder, and none of that mattered at all when he said, “We will be when you are.”

“Thank you,” I told him as he let me go.

“No, man. Thank you.” I lifted off the ground, then; I didn’t try to hide that it was harder than it used to be, didn’t kick off the ground or try to put out an initial burst of speed to cover up that I’ve gotten slower. There was something… really humanizing in being able to admit that I’m sick, that it’s affecting me. And of course, being able to be that open, that vulnerable, with people, obviously, that’s affected me, too.

I guess… I’d just figured people might be sad, but that it was mostly going to hit them when bad things happened, and I wasn’t there to respond when they cried, “Save me, Superman.” I didn’t think, I just wasn’t prepared for the reality that they

ID: Might simply cry?

S: Yeah.

ID: And how’s that make you feel?

S: In a way, it makes me feel better. Everyone feels… disconnected from people sometimes; I think maybe I’ve felt it more acutely, being a small-town alien in a big city- but everyone gets lonesome, questions their own worth

ID: Even Superman?

S: Hmm. I don’t think I’ve ever questioned the worth and the value of Superman, but Clark Kent, Kal El- I think I’ve often felt that those two people were often at odds with the good I can and should be doing as Superman. So their worth, I’ve never been certain of, but that man wasn’t just hugging the man in the suit; it’s hard to explain, but going out there like I am, I wasn’t only Superman anymore.

I wasn’t the ideal, virile, muscular farm boy with a college education and chiseled jaw, I was frail, I was weak- I’ve never felt more mortal. And when that man hugged me, it wasn’t just the suit, it was the man beneath it. It really, I think it really helped me feel something I’ve known for a long time, that Clark and Superman are the same, a slight hair tousling, some glasses and a few mannerisms to the side. In that sense, feeling connected, feeling appreciated- feeling loved, that makes me feel better than I ever have.

But it also makes the list of people I’m letting down, the list of people who are going to have a harder time of things without me, that much longer. I hate disappointing people.

ID: Do you honestly think you could be disappointing people?

S: I- I wanted to say yes, but the way you ask that question, I don’t know. I hope not.

ID: For my money, no. You’ve been facing this with the same grace and dignity you’ve always shown. If we lose you to cancer, we won’t be disappointed in you, but in a world foolish enough to take you.

S: Well thank you.

ID: No, Clark, thank you.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Kryptonite

2009-06-09T07:07:00.000-07:00

Igneous Dereliction: I have to ask. You’ve sort of made the assumption that your cancer is a result of exposure to sunlight, but I wonder if you have considered something: what if it’s been caused by kryptonite radiation?

Superman: The thought’s crossed my mind. Especially because Lex- well, he was riddled with cancer, and certainly would have died if he hadn’t transferred his body into his own clone- so there’s certainly a precedent.

ID: But

S: But I tend to reject that- I try to reject it. Because it’s a painful thing to admit if it’s true. On the one hand you have the fact that while I narrowly avoided the destruction of Krypton, it’s violent end seems to have managed to finish me anyway- almost painfully poetic. On the other, and, really, more terrible side, you have the fact that, if it’s even remotely true, Lex Luthor managed to play a role, however small it may have been, in my death. And I don’t like that idea. Even if kryptonite had the carcinogenic effects of a packet of Sweet’n Low- him taking any credit for my death is too much. In actual medical fact, it’s likely a combination of the two, added to all of the other various radiations and rays and, God, I’ve been exposed to all manner of things over the years. I suppose I should be grateful I haven’t been sprouting any extra eyes, through the years, or been rendered impotent.

ID: Uh

S: That is not an invitation to probe that subject deeper.

ID: Okay, but I'd like to probe your relationship with Lex Luthor, if we could. The two of you have known each other a long time- LuthorCorp's regional headquarters is in the same county where you grew up. If you can believe the WB show, you were actually friendly growing up.

S: The show's a bit more Dawson's Creek than my adolescence was, but yes, Lex and I knew each other, once upon a time.

ID: I wish he was in the room, because I'd love to ask him what you were like as a teenager, too, but what was he like?

S: Lex was Lex. A lot of his insecurities and frustrations were still only boiling at that point- rather than boiling over- but he was still brilliant- still self-absorbed, still ambitious and perhaps a little unbalanced. But he was nicer, then. He cared about people; I think, probably somewhere, deep down, he still does, but on his agenda anymore they rank so low as to be considered just pieces in a chess game, worth his consideration only so long as they retain some value to him.

ID: You have a grudging respect and disappointment for Lex, and some editorialists, perhaps sponsored by Luthor, have theorized that it's out of intimidation for Lex's mind. But I've also heard, mostly in gossip, but still, I've heard it often enough and from enough sources to know that you dabble in science, and not just human sciences, but with some of the Martian and Kryptonian tech you have access to. These same rumors say that you're brilliant in your own right, without ever going so far as to quantify. So just how smart are you?

S: Seriously? I've never taken an IQ test, or anything similar, but I've tried my hand at some quantum physics, but frankly my schedule rarely stays clear long enough for me to delve too deeply into intellectual pursuits.

ID: Okay, what about sudden world harmony. Maybe John Henry Irons figures out how to replicate Green Lantern technology across the world, eliminating all resource-related problems; virtually all globaly conflict dies, as no nation is capable of eliminating any other (or any of its own minorities). Basically, you and every other superhuman gets to retire. Do you see yourself retiring to your Fortress of Solitude to finish important scientific things?

S: I don't know. I think, because I didn't find out about my heritage until I was older, that I didn't get into science in the same way as I might have. And by then, I'd really gotten obsessed with watching humanity, and watching over them.

I guess I'm enough of my father's son that I've always wanted to try. I really was blessed with my Kryptonian father's mind, at least in general, and I think I have an innate analytical skill that I certainly never honed.

But it's always been an itch, like a person who picks up a guitar and finds out they have a talent for it, but never learns to play. It was sort of what I assumed I'd get up to in my twilight years, when my hair started to gray in a distinguished fashion at my temples.

ID: But now that doesn't seem like an option anymore.

S: No, it doesn't. But I have trouble giving up hope- even if it's fool's hope. I can't help, even when we talk about my death, even when I wake up aching, that in a year's time I'll be reading this interview with a smile on my face at how naïve and premature our predictions of doom had been. And I think, given time, science or whatever would catch up to me, and the chances of my dying would decrease substantially- but of course, time is the one thing I may not have. And maybe that's it- maybe time is my kryptonite, now.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

The C Word

2009-06-01T05:13:00.000-07:00

Independent Domicile: I want to say, before we begin, because this interview's only being recorded and transcribed- that is to say there's no audio- and I know you've been staying away from the public eye as much as you can, but since we started the interview you've lost forty pounds. Your skin is pale, clothes fit loosely.

Superman: Well, for the sake of parity, I want to state you look like crap, too.

(laughs, breaks into a fit of coughing)

ID: How are you doing, really?

S: The days are harder. And I think it's all really sunk in. I've been living with the reality of my own mortality for a while now, but it's really starting to feel real now. I guess, I guess I got cocky. You know, I've been in so many strange places, been confronted with so many weird threats, there was a part of me that believed that God, the universe, whatever, had some kind of plan for me, that I was invulnerable until I'd done that one great thing that I'd been shot across space in a rocket to do. And I don't think I've done it yet; there's no sense of closure to my life, no finality to it yet.

You know, fighting Doomsday, there was something epic about that. It had grandeur, and spectacle; I could see paintings of that immortalized in the Smithsonian and the Louvre, and while the idea makes me blush a little, stopping him, stopping murder incarnate, that felt like something purposeful. When Lois held me in her arms, and I wasn't even aware enough or strong enough anymore to see, but I knew she was holding me in her arms, and I felt that maybe that was that, that I'd fulfilled my purpose, that what I'd accomplished was something really good and truly great, and that I could pass on from that point and be peaceful. And nothing since has had that kind of closure for me.

ID: So do you think there's something to that? I mean, and I don't know where I read it, so maybe it's just a gossip-column thing, but your father had a heart attack around that time, and went and found you in some kind of an afterlife and convinced you to come back. Do you think that, maybe, that was a mistake, that you were supposed to stay dead after that?

S: It's a thought, isn't it? But honestly, no. I don't think that's true because I was supposed to marry Lois. As sure as I know anything, I know that, and to do that, I had to come back after Doomsday.

ID: So what about that, then, marrying Lois? Isn't that closure enough for you?

S: I don't know. I remember the first time I found out my cells had stopped aging. It was at S.T.A.R. Labs, and they told me that, functionally, I hadn't aged for several years, and in fact it appeared like the aging process had partially reversed, so age-related damage that they had previously recorded had healed. And there was a kind of a quiet pause, before the head scientist, whose name escapes me at the moment, um, and I apologize for that, I'm sure it'll come to me, but I know it wasn't Emil Hamilton- he was on the team, but I remember he was preoccupied with Kara at the time- anyway, the lead scientist told me, “we don't know if you'll ever age another day again.”

And Lois actually got really upset; she turned to me, tears in her eyes already, and I excused us quickly before flying us out of the conference room. By the time we touched down in the arctic, she had regained her composure, but she explained, very carefully, why that upset her.

She said she'd always assumed I'd outlive her, that stress or cancer from her mother's side, or a building falling on her or even her own propensity for eating out of The Planet's vending machines would kill her, but the thought that she was just a blip on my radar, just the first ring on a tree that might never stop growing, that her part in my life was going to end up so trivial- it nearly broke her heart. And I told her the first thing that came to my mind, because even though I think faster than a computer she can always tell when I hesitate: that I couldn't imagine outliving her, because I was fairly certain that her dying would kill me. She hasn't had a problem with it since.

But I don't think the reverse is true; I don't think my death will kill her- and not simply because she's had to live through that once already, but because as much as I know she loves me, Lois doesn't need me the way I need her. She loves me, she cares for me and about me, and hard as it is to believe she genuinely likes having me around all the time- but she doesn't need me. There have been times when I've wondered if she wouldn't have been a better reporter, maybe a better person, if it weren't for me. And maybe that's one thing I wish I could hold on to see, the person my wife becomes without me.

ID: Okay. But closure. I know you'll never be happy with the thought of leaving Lois behind- that with her you'll always want one more day, but acknowledging your impending mortality, do you think it's even reasonable to seek closure at this point?

S: Hmm. I don't know. I just hate leaving business unfinished. Take the League- I think the League's in transition now. With all humility, I've been sort of a go-to for a lot of issues, and now that that resource is being taken away, there's been a bit of a scramble to figure out how things work when you can't just fling a Kryptonian at it.

ID: What about Kara?

S: Kara isn't me. There are a lot of things that, physically, she can handle, but there are a lot of other things, having to do with maturity, and experience, or even just rapport that I have, with a lot of world leaders, a lot of communities across the globe- I've been at this a fairly long time, and I've met a lot of people, made a lot of friends. That's something the League is learning to work around, now. And the same goes to an extent for physical threats. I mean, Kara can hold her own, but she hasn't been under a yellow sun for nearly the same amount of time as I have- there was more than one time where I was the weapon of first and last resort- because if I couldn't stop it there was no one else who could, and that's something the League is I think reeling from.

And I'm still healthy enough at the moment to contribute, so don't think I'm down or out. But I've been taking a backseat, trying to let others do things I might have done myself in the past. One person who's really stepped up of course has been Diana. Bruce and I have such conflicting styles of management, and such strong personalities, that people often saw us fight. It made people think we were in charge, that we were the ones running the League. But, and I think Bruce would agree with me, the League lives and dies on two people's shoulders- and that's Diana's and J'onn's. Diana has a quiet authority- like what Bruce always wants, but gets irritated about when you don't read his mind and do what he wants, so he goes with gruff schoolteacher. But Diana and J'onn are the people who soothe bruised egos, who make the calls afterward to make sure follow-up assistance is there if it's necessary, who make sure we haven't accidentally caused India to invade Pakistan, or make sure monitor duty's filled. But what I'm getting at is the League is maturing, I think, into a group that will function rather well in a world without me- and I'd like to live long enough to see that, too.

ID: So what it sounds like is you've made your peace with dying- you'd just like to stay after it happens.

S: Yeah, something like that. You think we could swing it?

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

The Source

2009-05-26T03:53:00.000-07:00

Imbecilic Desires: Now, at the conclusion of our discussion last week, you referred to the soul of America. And I know how much you hate discussing your politics, but how religious are you?

Superman: My parents were pretty religious, my mom in particular, and they raised me in a good Christian tradition. While there are still definitely aspects of that upbringing in my moral universe, I think it would be limiting to say my worldview is entirely Christian.

ID: What happened?

S: In part, I learned I was an alien. Christianity doesn't specifically deny the existence of extraterrestrials, but it also makes no place for them, either. And I've seen other worlds, thousands of other species, comprising probably a hundred billion other life forms. And each and every one of them has their own unique religious practices. Including Krypton.

But I remember the first time I actually doubted Christianity. One of the boys in my Sunday School class, and I wouldn’t have even been a teenager yet, I don’t think, and he was maybe a year or two older, but he asked about people in Asia, and Africa, who maybe weren’t given the chance to join the Christian church. Our teacher told us, in a nut shell, that everyone got at least one chance to accept God, even if only in a single moment.

And my problem with that answer is it isn’t fair. Here I was, fairly steeped in this “chosen” religion, when there were people, not just in Asia and Africa, but so many others, like pre-Christians who weren’t Jewish who, regardless of their moral caliber or location, were being given only a fleeting shot at salvation. And that was something my young mind had trouble wrapping around, the idea of a loving but unfair God.

And it came into starker relief a few years later. When I discovered my lineage, I discovered a religious heritage I'd never known. At first, I really felt the burden of being the last Kryptonian, and I went out of my way to absorb as much of the culture as I possibly could, including the monotheistic religion of Krypton, whose God is named Rao. And I studied well, religiously, and what I found was that I couldn't figure out which religion felt right, which of my fathers' religions was mine- and I think it weakened my conviction for both.

ID: So it has nothing to do with Diana, then?

S: Oh, with her um, origins, as it were? No, I’d formed most of my religious opinions years before I ever met Diana.

ID: But you believe the claim that she was sculpted from clay by the gods?

S: You know that lasso of truth? It’s no lie, what they say it can do. And she’s constantly in contact with it. Sometimes I think it affects Diana’s tact, but by and large, I’ve never known a more honest person. And when she tells me she knows the Greek gods, and that she was molded from clay by them- I believe her.

ID: And actually, looking at the way she fills out the costume, I think I can believe she was sculpted by the gods.

S: Will you ever tire of classing up this interview?

ID: Nope. But your reticence about Christianity, does that indicate a lack of faith in something, or simply in the specific Christian dogmas?

S: I don’t think it’s necessarily a lack of faith- it’s just a lack of fit. Like, I was unpacking some stuff from my parents’ attic that they’d been storing since I got out of college and got my first tiny apartment in Metropolis, and I found a pair of my old jeans. I didn’t feel like I’d gotten any bigger- and I certainly didn’t feel like I’d gotten any wider, but the jeans just weren't comfortable anymore. So I stopped using them (God, I hope no one finds that wildly offensive).

But honestly I kind of have to believe in a higher organization of some kind, probably even in some kind of big “G” God. I mean, I personally know an angel- Zauriel- who’s done a lot of work with us over the years, including organizing a large contingent of angels to stabilize world conflict during the Mageddon crisis. Mageddon himself was a weapon used by the warring Old Gods, according to the religious beliefs of New Genesis, whose inhabitants are called the New Gods.

Of course, the biggest and probably scariest argument for a God is the Spectre. If there’s anyone who wields more power than me, if there’s anyone who speaks convincingly of a heavenly authority- specifically of being the embodiment of the Wrath of God- it’s him. I’ve always been a bit uneasy about the Old Testament description of God, but the Spectre makes me think there might be something to that, after all.

And of course, Linda Danvers, who’s a devout Methodist and for a time was Supergirl, became an Earth-born angel. Then there’s the long list of people I know who’ve died only to later return to life, and a few of them, like Ollie, actually spent some time in Heaven. Bruce can probably hide behind circular reasoning and long explanations, but to me it seems obvious that there’s more out there than what even I can see.

ID: Okay, you believe in God, so what exactly do you take issue with, with the Christian faith, then?

S: I don’t think I take issue- that’s putting it far too strongly. I think I simply diverge slightly with any specific dogma.

ID: But where do you diverge?

S: I think it’s mostly to do with the specificity. Christianity really makes this argument for a very specific, exact reality- and my experience has deviated substantially from that. So I think it’s in the insistence that their branch of the religion is right, and everyone else- often even other Christians- is wrong and hell bound, that I have trouble with. I’m not, really not, arguing against Christianity or even religion in general- I consider myself a very morally grounded and spiritual person, and I owe that in large part to my upbringing.

Religion and, perhaps more importantly, the public servitude and social cohesion at the heart of virtually all religions, is good. I think, to answer Ayn Rand, man does need values. And I think religion is often the source for imbuing future generations with values.

It’s a spiritual connection, often found in religion but sometimes elsewhere, a connection to other people and, really, beyond that to existence as a whole, that’s important. I think it takes us beyond simple concepts of what’s nice or even what’s socially useful, to a place where our decisions are based on how we should act. If it’s religion that gets you there, if it’s an atheistic anarchy- I think the destination can be as important as the path. But I think it's a journey we all take alone, and though we often find ourselves with companions along the way, it's most important that we're all moving towards those same harmonious goals.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Notre Dame

2009-05-18T05:03:00.000-07:00

Incredible Danger: You dropped the Prolife bomb a while back, and you had to know it was something I couldn’t let go of quietly- especially in light of the flare up over the President speaking at Notre Dame. What do you think of all of this?

Superman: If you’ll recall, my statement was a little more nuanced than that; I’m personally against abortion, but have difficulty with the concept of telling someone what to do with their bodies.

ID: Too nuanced. What if a young woman who you cared about, say Kara, became pregnant? Now, you know she's still too young, emotionally and physically, to safely have and then raise that baby. How do you council her?

S: I don't know if Kara's actually having sex yet, um, and I don't want to know, actually. I've had that talk with her, with Lana, so I know she's at least heard the public service announcement version. It's kind of a difficult thing to know what to say on the fly.

ID: You can type as fast as I think- nothing's on the fly with you- but if you want to take a time out to think about it.

S: No. I'd really hoped to avoid politics as much as possible, but this is America, and a very specific time in the country; I guess avoiding politics right now just isn't possible. But before we get into that, I want to talk about the phenomenon itself.

I think the entire issue at Notre Dame hinges on polarization. I think too often in this country we abandon the common, middle ground, and retreat to our familiar fortress on the edges of issues. I think if you paid attention to the response from some people on the abolition side of the argument, you saw a lot of venom, and even hatred.

And here's where I get to say I'm proud of our President, because he addressed the issue and all its nuance in a real way, said that while the argument will eventually go one way or the other, it's important we continue to discuss it publicly in a rational, respectful way. But perhaps, more importantly, he didn't let the controversy consume his speech, and didn't forget that he was there because nearly 3 thousand students were graduating. I think he gave the debate its due, but then moved on, to show that it's less important than a lot of other things in life, that it has its place, but it shouldn't become an obsession.

ID: And what about Kara?

S: Like a dog with its favorite toy, you never let go, do you?

ID: My favorite toy is controversy.

S: I think you have a point, though. It's easy to oppose something in principal, especially when the collateral damage is so high, but when you try to put it in real-world terms, and examine the human costs on both sides, a kind of amorphous issue firms up a bit.

Now, I'll simply accept your premise, that Kara gets pregnant with a child she doesn't want, and that she isn't prepared to raise it- since I think coming to those conclusions myself would take more time and thought, and wouldn't really be appropriate to air like this. But I think I'd try to be honest with her, try to give her all the information, let her know everything she should know, about the potential physical consequences (though some of these are mitigated by her Kryptonian physiology), but most importantly about the psychological consequences. Since she isn't prepared to raise a child, in all likelihood this decision is also a bit beyond her, but I'd try and be as open and accepting and helpful to her as a resource and as a friend and a relative, as I could be. But I think what I'd try to stress the most is that it's her decision.

And I want to clarify, because I think it would be irresponsible from that to determine that I was against abolition. I find abortion to be abhorrent. The procedure itself, the concept.

But people who are “pro-life” aren't even having the same conversation as the people who are “pro-choice.” No reasonable person on this planet is pro-death, so the implication of calling someone pro-life is that anyone who's against them is against life. Likewise, no reasonable person wants the government to have the last say over their body; Green Arrow is the biggest lefty I know, and even he balks at the idea of too much government control. What I'm saying is nobody is anti-choice, either.

So when I say abortion is disgusting, and horrible, and may even be murder, I'm not in disagreement with 90% of the people out there- I'm not. But abortion is only half the issue. The other half revolves around the government's ability to dictate terms about our bodies, and back-alley abortionists, and all the corollary effects of abolition.

The real issue is whether or not a woman's right to determine the destiny of her own body trumps the right to life of a potential human. And that is most definitely a real question, and one I know I don't know the answer to. People lean back on pro-life and pro-choice because no one is comfortable standing up and saying they really know the answer to that conundrum, so they focus on the definitively darker sides of the issue, rather than discuss the merits themselves.

I think Obama framed the conversation rather well, and, like it or not, it is a conversation right now, that we as Americans are having and need to continue having. And I hope, for the soul of America, that it's one we can conclude peaceably.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Mom

2009-05-11T04:56:00.000-07:00

Inedible Delicacies: I'd like to spend today talking about your mother. First off, what did you do for Mother's Day?

Superman: I took my mom to breakfast; she insisted we go to IHOP.

ID: IHOP's not so bad. Why insisted?

S: Well, it was mother's day, so the place was packed. There was actually a line trailing outside. I told her I could fly us to the west coast, where it was earlier and we could probably get a seat, but she said, “That would be undignified,” and gave me a motherly smile. We ended up waiting an hour, and by the time we were seated I was famished.

ID: I didn't know you needed food.

S: I'm honestly not sure that I do, but the body gets used to things. Like sleep. I've never really tried to see how long I could function without sleep, but I start to feel psychosomatically tired after sixteen hours. But I was hungry, so I ordered a big country breakfast, a giant mocha, and two plates of appetizers. The appetizers came pretty quickly, and we hadn't finished them by the time the main course arrived. I forgot how much I love IHOP- they had some delicious strawberry pancakes.

ID: Ahem.

S: Sorry. Yeah. Not to advertise or anything. But food is one of the things I get really passionate about; humans enjoy their food, but I can taste every subtle flavor, every dash of pepper or oregano.

ID: Okay, but on the subject of your mother...

S: We talked. And I guess maybe part of the reason why I'm sort of steering clear of our actual conversation is we discussed some of the family's skeletons. It's weird to me the things that bring out candor in my mother- a crowded IHOP being one of the least predictable. And once we'd finished eating, we went to, first Target, and then, when she realized she needed something else, to a Walmart. It seemed like a very odd way to spend a day, but it was one of the first times I've just spent a day with my mother in what seems like forever. Oh, and that thing she needed, was chicken poop- which, I'm not dialed in enough to poop humor to have found it funny the first time, but we made an entire round of Target, with her asking every person in a red shirt she passed if they could point her at the chicken poop, and by the end I was giggling every time- and of course, once we'd made it to their gardening section we were politely told they don't carry chicken poop, which led us to the Walmart. And yet another round of watching my mother wander through a store asking people for chicken poop and getting odd stares.

ID: I can't help but feel that that story was tailor-made for me. Thanks.

S: You're welcome.

ID: I'm going to take a flying leap and guess that you love your mother. What I want you to tell me is why.

S: Okay. I think I can accomplish that with a story. Dad was always the farmer, and while mom was really good at being a wife and mother, she had a bit more ambition than that. And I remember there was a summer when I was just starting high school that they weren't sleeping in the same room. Mom wanted to start up a business, a store; she told him that nobody ever got comfortable farming anymore, that entrepreneurship was the way America was going to feed itself into the future. My dad was reluctant to start up a business- and at the time, he had a point, since statistically speaking keeping the farm going was difficult, but the odds of a new business failing were much, much greater. But one night they had a real loud argument- not that there was ever an argument they had where I couldn't hear even the whispered obscenities through the walls- but mom really laid it out. I think she'd been practicing, perfecting her sales pitch, because she was very professional, and confident, and I found myself really getting invested in her idea. But what finally I think won dad over, and I say this because his heart rhythm changed, is when she told him that if it was going to be ever, it had to be now. See, mom wanted me to go to college, and she knew that if she waited even another year, that even with an overly optimistic model, she wouldn't have rebounded the money they invested. She wanted to help pay for my education, not hurt our chances of paying for it. And, you know, once she'd put it that way, once she'd laid all of her reasoning and preparation out like that, of course he said yes.

ID: So I imagine that led to their, um, reconciliation.

S: Yeah- and I went for a run. There are some things no teenager should have to hear his parents getting up to.

ID: Sounds like you were a bright kid.

S: I was raised well. Dad was a good father, taught me how to be a man, and what working meant, what spending every hour you could providing for your family, and not just monetarily, but providing safety and comfort, respect and affection, he really prepared me to be a man. But my mom taught me so much more. Before I even started school she worked with me and my colors, numbers, my alphabet- worked with me even though my first words were in Kryptonian. She helped me with my reading, my multiplication tables, world geography. Every step of the way, mom was there. And when school asked for volunteers, whether it was for class field trips or because the teachers needed help organizing something, she was always the first to call the teacher or send a note. She always took an active role, in not just my school, not just my education, but in our community. She really prepared me to be a citizen, to be human. I think the combination is what made me the person I am today- and I love the person I am today, so I'm eternally, eternally thankful to the both of them for that.

ID: Your mother, she sounds like she was really at home in education. Why do you think she never became a teacher?

S: I think in a different world she would have been. But in this one, she was the wife of a farmer, and that's a pretty full-time gig, especially when they were both young, she really did a lot of the physical work around the farm. As they got older, and couldn't do as much themselves, they ended up hiring on more hands, and maybe then she'd have been able to go back to school, only she still had dad to take care of, and soon enough me to raise. And I think she prioritized. I think she'd have loved to have been a teacher; I think there was a part of her that felt she was a bad woman for not being more independent, not making decisions like that for herself to go back to school or to get a teaching certificate, but she chose her family over herself. I think the fact that that was what she chose makes it a very feminist decision, and because of the sacrifices involved a very admirable one.

And I want to clarify something you said earlier. I don't just love my mother, but I'm very proud to have had her as my mother. I think she still has a lot of greatness left in her, and I know she'll continue to make me proud.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Metropolis

2009-05-05T07:16:00.000-07:00

Ignoble Denomination: I want to discuss something. You grew up in Kansas, in a small town, but you ended up in the biggest, probably most liberal city in the country, living on the East Coast. What fomented that change?

Superman: I think, if I’m honest, that I ended up in Metropolis because of its history. Not because it’s the city of tomorrow, or even because of its beautiful architecture, but because of its past. Metropolis, along with New York and Gotham, was one of the hubs of immigration around the turn of the last century.

But unlike New York, and to a lesser extent, Gotham, Metropolis didn’t fracture into ethnic neighborhoods, didn’t divide along racial lines. Metropolis was the melting pot, the place where any immigrant could go and become part of a city greater than the sum of its parts. As much as I love my parents, and even the small community in Kansas that really nurtured me in my youth, there was something that such a homogenized place simply couldn’t provide for me. In Metropolis I rent from a Greek Cypriot landlord who’s married to a Turkish pianist; my wife and I eat regularly from the little Chinese take-out place across the way, that features a Tibetan flutist. On of the best photographers I work with at The Planet is Indian, and he’s married to a Pakistani woman who owns her own florist franchise, and they’ve actually been discussing adopting one of the war orphans from Afghanistan. And the thing about Metropolis for me is not a one of these relations seems forced or self-conscious; these things all coexist naturally, and what is so abnormal about it is how normal it is.

But what makes Metropolis different I guess from other immigrant cultures is that these people all still hold dearly onto their culture, while at the same time embracing the shared heritage of the city. You know how New York was after 9/11, where every New Yorker felt like their neighbors were family for a while- Metropolis is like that every day.

ID: That’s actually an interesting point. I know Metropolis and New York have always been sister cities (with Gotham often called their ugly stepsister). There have been people who jokingly refer to New York as Metropolis’ alter ego. As a native Metropolitan, how did the city react to 9/11?

S: There was a lot of shock. I think, too, there was a lot of, “We’re next.” But I think at the same time, in Metropolis, there was a little bit less, um, terror, I guess. As much as people in other parts of the country were upset that I wasn’t there to stop what happened on 9/11, I think in Metropolis there was a feeling, and I don’t know if it was justified, but there seemed to be an undercurrent of, “It can’t happen here.” A lot of people stopped me on the streets, for about thee months after it happened, they’d stop me just to thank me; and it was hard, some of those times, for us to keep up decorum. You know, when people express that kind of a sentiment to you, it’s hard for the both of you not to tear up, it’s hard not to just fly over and hug them because the both of you could really use it. But I think that would undermine the trust, and the faith in my strength, that the whole exchange was based around.

But you know, it was different in Gotham; people in Gotham are different than here. New York has a reputation for having some of the hardest people in the country, but Gotham- especially Gotham in its worst days- is like the worst parts of New York stretched across the entire city. So there’s this sense, I guess, that you can’t terrorize Gotham. I mean, if the Joker, if the Scarecrow, if a hundred other homicidal lunatics can’t grind that city to a halt, there’s just not even a point.

ID: I’d heard a, I guess it’s not exactly a joke, because it’s in such poor taste, particularly since it made the rounds during the aftermath of the earthquake, but that you could blow up entire blocks in Gotham, and neither the citizens nor the government would bat an eye.

S: And there really is something to that. I’ll go on record as saying Batman is not the fascist that he’s often portrayed as in popular media; he’s got access to fewer cameras in Gotham than they have in London. But I don’t think he could operate in the same way in Metropolis. I think, just fundamentally, that the entire tone of his approach wouldn’t work. I think there’d be a popular outcry, however misguided, to send Maggie Sawyer and the SCU after him.

ID: That’s the, uh, Special Crimes Unit, right, their superhuman response team, sort of a SuperS.W.A.T.?”

S: You could probably call it that, yeah.

ID: I’m vaguely familiar with the SCU, but they’ve been working in partnership with, uh, S.T.A.R. Labs since their inception, and before the SCU’s creation, Metro PD had been partnered with them.

S: These were the days before the SuperMax. Batman could always drop off the Joker in Arkham, and, their nonstellar escape rate notwithstanding, they could at least presumably hold him. But with the Parasite, Brainiac- a lot of the threats we’ve dealt with in Metropolis were just too big to be contained by a normal prison. We were fortunate that S.T.A.R. Labs was in the area, because they had the facilities to effectively contain the threats, and out of it they got the opportunity to do research on unique and extraterrestrial organisms that scientists at WayneTech would have killed to study (and some of the folks at LexCorp actually have). And S.T.A.R., while technically an independent facility, are also big government contractors, and get a lot of their funding from the city, and were of course the source of the SCU’s special weaponry. Overall, it’s been a very symbiotic relationship.

ID: I was going to call it incestuous.

S: I think that potential was there, sure. But I think it helps that S.T.A.R. isn’t governmental- and any patents resulting from their extrahuman examinations are jointly owned by the government. It’s perhaps not ideal, but as opposed to waiting a decade for a funds approval, which, if you’ll recall, was what we did with SuperMax, before deciding to just build it ourselves- it worked out well, organically.

ID: Okay. You mentioned the scenario a moment ago, so I have to ask: do you think the SCU could take down the Batman?

S: No. I think they’re trained to take on an entirely different kind of threat, and Bruce, well, Bruce trains himself to take on all comers. I think the SCU might score some interesting body shots, and against almost any other person, superhuman or otherwise, I’d give them pretty good odds, but against Bruce, well, the only way to stop him is to do it before he figures out how to stop you, and the thing is, for most of us, he’s already figured it out.

ID: Heh. But I’ve pulled us on a tangent, and I want to close with why you love Metropolis, as I think you still very clearly do.

S: Metropolis is my home. Kansas will always be where I grew up, where I met my parents and where I learned how to be the person I am, but Metropolis is the place where I finally got a chance to be myself. It’s something that’s hard to articulate, but living for the first time far removed from everything you’ve known before- it changes fundamentally who you are. And Metropolis is home.

All that stuff I said about immigrants, and this place being the real melting pot at the center of the country’s diversity- I meant it. This place is accepting in a way I never thought possible. I remember the first interview I gave where I finally admitted I was an alien. I was just incredibly nervous, because I thought, God, this could be it. I could have to retire that entire persona, which by that point, I mean, how could I not love getting to be and see the best in people? I mean, when you’re Superman, you get to be smart, and kind, and heroic, and because people only see those shining parts of you for a moment, they really are just happy to be near you. And the prospect of losing that, giving it up just to be honest, about something that shouldn’t matter even if it might- and I remember the way Lois looked at me when I told her the truth, and there was this, this disbelief, and it crushed me. I thought, God, this is going to be the face people show me from now on, like I’m a person on the street trying to sell my newsletter I’ve written on cardboard. And I really, really just wanted to fly away, then and there, go back to Kansas and just live like a hermit.

But I stayed. And as the interview went on, her disbelief, her incredulousness, it gave way, and what was left was a newfound understanding, maybe even a fascination, with my home planet. And really, the write-up Lois gave me for that, and this was years before we started dating, so, there wasn’t too much bias in it, but it was really beautiful. I think she titled it “I Come in Peace.” I’ve told her, many times, it’s my favorite of everything she’s ever written, that more so than for her audience, I felt that she’d written it for me. She’ll never admit it, never; her pride wouldn’t let her tell me on my deathbed, or at least as near to it as I seem to be these days- but from her silence, and the coyness in her eyes and her smile, I’m pretty sure she did.

And I think, in part because the piece really was, for lack of a better word, so very humanizing, the city really accepted me. People really did warm up to me me, in a way they hadn't been able to before. People had always been really nice, really friendly, but there was a formality to it, and now I had this wonderful man named Bibbo calling me his pal Kal, and a hot dog vendor from the Philipines stopping to offer me a comped foot long, from one immigrant to another. This place really has become my home. And really, I credit that really warm reception entirely to the story she wrote, and way she accepted me in it.

So I guess, more than anything, I love Metropolis because it’s where I met and fell in love with my wife, Lois- easily the love of my life.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Free Press

2009-04-27T09:53:00.000-07:00

Superman: [I know this isn’t our] usual process, but I want to say something: it’s good to be free.

Invader Dim: Care to, uh, qualify that?

S: Sure. I’ve been working for the last several months, really, going back to fall of last year, on a series on homelessness in Metropolis, and the implications it has for the rest of the country and maybe even the rest of the world.

Homelessness is an important issue, but because of my failing health, I’d grown… concerned that it was a story I wasn’t going to have a chance to finish. I found myself really neuroticizing over it, to the point where I’d wake up in a cold sweat, and my wife would, well, she can be very tender, and she would sit up, watching my sleep. And I’d made arrangements; she was more than happy to take on the story if I couldn’t finish, but it would have taken her months to catch up, to reestablish a rapport with interviewees, to try to get the feel for the story I was trying to tell without taking it over. But all of that worrying, about deadlines, no pun intended, it’s behind me now.

It’s done. I mean, there are a few pages left, I guess, and some T’s to cross, but it’s finished. If there were a Kryptonite meteor heading towards the planet I could finish what’s left in a fraction of a second at my typewriter- but I’m kind of letting it lie for the moment, letting it all sink in.

ID: Well congratulations. But how’s that feel? It’s sort of one less thing tethering you to your life.

S: That’s very true. And if I were at all concerned that it’s my unfinished business that’s kept me here this long, that might be a concern for me. But as important as the issue of homelessness is to me, as personally important as getting this story done was, it pales in comparison to how much I don’t want to disappoint my loved ones, or say goodbye to them too soon.

ID: So does this mean you’re retired as a journalist? Is that your last hurrah?

S: The Planet isn’t hiring, if that’s what you’re getting at- but no. I’ll still take on some smaller pieces, you know, things with a quick turn-around. I’m just done with bigger pieces for the time being; I’d hate to leave unfinished business behind. But journalism, it’s such a part of who I am- and I’m not dead yet.

ID: You seem very passionate about your profession; what do you think is behind that?

S: I think it comes from being a stranger on this planet. The first several years I was here were just completely fascinating. Everything was new and exciting and different, and even though I didn’t know Krypton, I felt how it was- I’m sure that doesn’t make sense. But I was just a baby when I left there, so I don’t have really any concrete memories, but there was a texture and a flavor and a smell that the place had, and Earth was very different- like if your whole life you only knew about vanilla ice cream, and suddenly you discovered chocolate.

But I think because I’ve always been a bit of an outsider, because of where I come from, and because I’ve had to hide so much of who I am, that I spent a lot of time looking in. Observing people, not just to be able to blend in better, but because they fascinated me. They were so different and yet so much like me, the other, as psychologists term it. Reporting, for me, has always been as much about exploring my own humanity as examining specific stories or events.

ID: Okay. You won a Pulitzer for, um, it was the Intergang piece, I think, but what would you say is your proudest journalistic achievement?

S: Journalistic? I’m not sure. The Intergang expose was really important, I thought, but I don’t know. I think the biggest stories are the ones I haven’t been able to break, stories of courage I’ve witnessed from within the League, a lot of which I’ve actually written up, and, now that the cat’s out of the bag, so to speak, about my identity, I’m toying with the idea of letting them publish those memoirs, you know, use the proceeds for public works. But if I had to say my most important literary work, I think it had to do with one of those things I normally couldn’t say. You know, when you’re a reporter, you’re often relegated not to the things you think, or even the things you know, but to the things you can prove. So I felt stymied for a long time, because Lex was always very good about covering his tracks, and keeping himself at arms’ length from suspicion. But when I wrote my novel, I actually got to be more truthful than in most of my reporting, because I didn’t have to pare back to the proveable facts in evidence.

ID: I’ve heard Luthor actually liked "Under A Yellow Sun"- particularly the thinly veiled reference to himself as a villain.

S: That was one of the most surreal moments for me, really. I knew, sort of from the beginning, that there was a danger, satirizing someone as rich and powerful as Luthor. I mean, opposing him as Superman took considerably less courage, because what was he going to do? The world knew I was an alien and had accepted me despite it; there was really nothing he could say or do to get people to stop trusting me as Superman, get them to refuse to accept my help (though not for lack of trying).

But as Clark it was different. He could have hounded me, and my friends, my family, financially. He could have declared fiscal war, made it impossible for my parents to keep up with property taxes on their farm, bought and closed the Planet, sued me, and it wouldn’t matter if I won, he could keep appealing, keep filing. Luthor’s proven himself incredibly adept at destroying people with his money.

And he did none of those things. We were at, God, some kind of a social function, and he came up and made a point to vigorously shake my hand and tell me how much he liked the book.

Now, it’s been suggested by some of the people who’ve heard the story that Lex didn’t get it, that he couldn’t see himself in the flawed and failing Machiavellian businessman. My wife thinks that it was really just an ego thing, that he so adored the idea that that many people would be reading about him, thinking about him, knowing him, that the fact that the last few chapters weren’t about his triumph but his downfall could be easily papered over, because the really important thing was that the story was about him.

And I don’t know, he might be fuming, now that he knows that the man who wrote the book is the same that he’s seen as his arch nemesis, that he’s obsessed over for for years. But I suspect that he isn’t. I suspect that he’s reread the book since my identity came out, that for him it will have a similar introspective quality, that in the writing I learned a lot about Lex just by trying to project myself into his head, and that Lex is, right now, wringing his hands across the cover of that book, trying to climb inside mine.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Justice

2009-04-20T05:33:00.000-07:00

Illusionary Declaration: You brought up Darfur last week. So we need to talk about that. You ostensibly head the Justice League, the most powerful non-profit, non-governmental-organization in existence. You could, for all intents and purposes, tear Bashir from his bed right this second and hand-deliver him to The Hague. I want to ignore the peace-before-justice argument for a moment, since Darfur is just an example- there’s currently problems in Myanmar, Tibet, Somalia- a lot of places, really, with recurring, not just crisis-of-the-week type problems that have gone unaddressed by yourself and your bespandexed colleagues. Why hasn’t the League intervened?

Superman: That’s probably the best question you’ve ever asked, and it takes us back to the very start of the League. I’ll start by saying when we started, we were all naïve. I’d been in costume less than a year, so had most of us up to that point. We averted a White Martian invasion with the help of J’onn J’onnz

ID: The Martian Manhunter

S: and we sort of realized that there were some things we couldn’t do on our own. Some of us had worked together previously before, but this was something on a scale none of us had seen before, and it really taught us all that there was just a different type of threat out there than we’d previously been exposed to.

It started, for me, at least, with a conversation with J’onn. As an alien living amongst humans, I sort of took it upon myself to help him find a place, get settled, develop his own life, and we were having lunch in a very 50s diner. J’onn was talking sort of matter-of-factly about an early warning system; he kind of took it for granted that we already were connected to one another in a way that would allow us to function like a group. And we started to develop the idea as we waited for milkshakes.

He and I were planning on starting a push with the others who had helped avert the invasion, and we were going to have lunch again on Sunday to hash out details of that, and I remember Diana called on Saturday. Her background was in politics, diplomacy- after all, she was primarily an ambassador- and she’d already been networking with Flash, Green Lantern. She said she’d probably have called sooner, but she’d had to go to Atlantis three times to convince Aquaman- though I’ve always sort of assumed, and Diana’s always refused to deny, that he only kept her coming back to get in her pants- though I suppose technically her battlesuit doesn’t include pants.

She’d covered some of the details, at least in theory, that J’onn and I had missed, and of course, there was only one person left to talk to, Bruce. We spent twenty minutes trying to figure out if he’d even be interested, and then which of us had the most chance of convincing him. I thought she could flirt him into it; she seemed to be under the impression that he and I shared some kind of bond. In the end, well, Diana was very persuasive- she was a hell of an ambassador, even in those days, so I made the call. He was cold. “I expected you to call an hour ago. It’s a stupid idea. I’m sure you’ve already come up with a ridiculous name for it.” He paused. “I’ll work with you as a consultant, to limit the damage the rest of you can do.”

A couple of weeks later we set up a summit, and we set out to make ground rules. We actually wanted to format it off of the United Nations, with members voting on rules and resolutions- taking the time to weight the consequences of intervening in situations versus just rushing in and possibly making situations worse.

And it was Bruce who brought up politics, asking one of those questions that sort of had an answer hidden inside it- but he asked us about Northern Ireland. This was before the Belfast Agreement. At first, there was mostly support for the British point of view, until it was pointed out that elements of the revolutionary groups, while resorting to terrorist methods, were spiritually replaying the American revolutionary struggle. Bruce added a little fuel to the fire by comparing that conflict with Israel and the Palestinians, which further polarized the discussion.

It became so heated that at one point it looked like we were going to come to blows, and J’onn demanded we take a time out for lunch. We split up into basically pro British and Irish groups for lunch, and over the course of eating, we came to the realization that I think Bruce was prodding us towards- that when there wasn’t a clear-cut answer, we needed to steer clear. It wasn’t, and hasn’t, been a perfect solution, but what it taught us was that there are simply some questions that needed to be answered by the people involved.

After lunch, a little more seasoned, I think, we turned to the subject of imposing peace. It was true that we could impose peace on Israel, but at the cost of becoming dictators- and under a superhuman dictatorship –even more so than under a normal human dictatorship- it would be impossible for the democratic reforms necessary for a lasting peace to form. We felt really productive during the second half of the day, and we thought we were closing in on something concrete until Bruce stood up and lectured all of us on playing a self-congratulatory game of model UN. And aggravating as he was, he was right. We’d drawn up bylaws in a day; we were prepared to change the world on a whim.

He didn’t show up for the second day of our summit, but he’d cast a shadow over our talks, and basically all of our headier plans fell apart, so that when he showed up again in the last few hours of the third day, we were working with a much smaller, much less reaching League than the one we’d sort of been dreaming of on that first day. To this day I don’t know how much of that was calculation on his part, and how much of it was a genuine frustration at what he saw as a superhuman superpower forming with too little forethought, but I think it kept the League on an even keel. I shudder to think of the world we might have created otherwise.

What’s funny, is, in retrospect, what we ended up with was less like the UN and more like the League of Nations, and I’ll explain that. The UN is, by and large, “led” by the Security Council. Major, and especially priority, decisions are made through the council and not the secretariat. Our League is based on simple majorities; it’s true that I hold a position of relative leadership in the community, and there is a tendency for people to camp around the original founding members, but when it comes time to decide what we’re going to do, my voice is only as strong as the next man or woman’s. I think that’s eliminated a lot of potential strife, and helped us live up to the democratic ideals we’ve set for ourselves. I don’t aspire to inspiration, but I hope that, sometimes at least, we serve as an example people can and will follow.

ID: But in Darfur there are concrete things that could be done

S: And how far do we go? Do we tow the AU line, and try to wall off Darfur from the rest of Sudan? Do we go a step further, and smash the militias at the risk of destabilizing the entire country? Do we attack the military, the government, and potentially throw the whole region into conflict?

Everything we do has consequences. We've offered our, uh, services, I guess, to the Security Council, and, understandably, they're as reluctant as we are to intervene. The larger the response, the greater the chance for it to go catastrophically wrong, not to mention that using the Justice League could be seen as an escalation of an international superhuman arms race.

If the UN ever asks for our help, in Darfur or anywhere, we'll be there, but for now, they're trying to deal with the situation through traditional diplomacy. For better or worse, justice moves slowly.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Economy

2009-04-14T07:10:00.000-07:00

Illustrious Damnation: I think I might have let us get off to more navel gazing than I intended last week, so now I’d like to talk about something a bit more concrete. I’d like to talk about the economy.

Superman: Ugh. You sure you don’t want to talk to Bruce?

ID: I know it’s not your usual forte, but it’s in crisis, and crises are your business. So from your unique perspective, what do you see? You don’t necessarily have to have a magic bullet, but what can you add to that conversation?

S: Mostly I don’t understand the economy. It’s like magic. Some people know how to make money from it, but personally- and I feel kind of silly about this, but Lois looks after my 401(k)- I couldn’t even tell you what’s in it, let alone how well- or likely poorly- it’s doing. The economy’s something I usually leave in the hands of people who know better than me. But rather than force you to ask prying follow-ups, let’s see if I can’t compare it to something I have put a bit more thought into.

I think you’re right. The economy is in crisis. I think there’s something to the people who say it’s mostly a crisis of faith, because the economy today is largely as healthy (or arguably as weak) as when stocks were high. But that’s a symptom, and one diagnosed through arm-chair psychology at that, so let’s see if we can’t get a little closer… hmm. Honestly, I see a parallel with Darfur.

ID: That’s got to be a first.

S: Not really, I don’t think. And maybe it’s just that I spend an inordinate amount of my time reading the paper, reading lots of papers, actually, at superspeeds, but I think the comparison is completely reasonable. I’m sure you’re aware that the ICC has charged Omar al Bashir with crimes against humanity. He’s basically an international fugitive at this point.

Well, there’s been a debate raging since the head prosecutor, Moreno-Ocampo, looked like he would file charges, about whether or not it was better for the conflict in Darfur for charges to be filed or not. The debate focused on whether or not the fledgling ceasefire would be destroyed by an attempt to arrest the sitting president. People who thought it would said the country needed “Peace before justice.”

While I’m not sure I’m convinced as it applies to the situation in Sudan, I think that refrain sort of works with the economy. Lots and lots of shady dealings have occurred. We should definitely look into how these things happened, and who’s responsible, but at the same time, our focus needs to be on fixing the problems that are crippling our economy, not pointing fingers.

And I don’t say that with any relish. Lex Luthor, and the deregulation he started and George Bush continued, are at the heart of a lot of these problems, and the overall atmosphere he fostered- all of it was toxic for the long-term economic health of this country. But for the moment we need to set that anger and frustration aside. Because right now there are millions of Americans left unemployed; we need answers and solutions now.

ID: You mentioned Bruce, and I know he’s emerged, from the crisis, as someone to watch. He used to make all of his deals in private, try to keep his secrets to himself, but since people started using the “R” word in public, he’s started doing his trading in public, too. I’ve heard that people have been crunching numbers recently, and they think he’s overtaken Warren Buffet.

S: Bruce actually doesn’t like to talk about his finances; I think I understand, because I don’t like to talk about my abilities, at least not when it comes to a conversation with others. I’m an alien, and I’ve made my peace about that, but I don’t like underscoring the things that make me different- I prefer to talk to people about the things we have in common. But if I had to guess, Bruce is richer than Buffet- I know he’s better at investing.

ID: Well here’s a question, since you’re friends or at least friendly with one of the wealthiest men in the country, why’s he been doing what he’s doing during a downturn?

S: I know Bruce has “lost” billions right now. And I also know Bruce is investing- the more money he loses on paper, the more money he invests. Now is the time, when stocks are on the floor, to buy. Nearly everything worth any money is undervalued, as far as stocks are concerned. Which isn’t to say that anyone should suddenly go on a stock shopping spree- for every diamond in the rough there’s at least one financially unstable company with a bleak, at least for the moment, future. Now is certainly the time to invest, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be doing your homework and really being exceptionally cautious about where you put your money, like always, really.

But I think part of it is strategy, with Bruce, calculated. He knows that people watch him, have always watched him, ever since he managed to double his family’s fortune when he was in his twenties- and that’s just from investing, not counting the profits Wayne Enterprises made. But he knows the only way, really, to fix the current problems, is to inject capital into the system. By investing fearlessly into the market, he’s trying to lead by example, show people that he has faith in the market. He’s even been talking to Secretary Geithner about buying up some of those toxic assets- though like most folks he’s worried about banks trying to overvalue the assets, and the tailspin that could cause.

ID: Judging by this, it seems you talk a lot of shop with the Batman.

S: People assume the Justice League is all about punching the next “bad guy” in the face. Justice means a lot of things; at the end of the day, it’s about trying to keep the parts of the world that work from crumbling into chaos, and helping the parts of the world that don’t become better. That means we pay attention to everything; we discuss politics, economics- even the weather, when we think it’s going to have some impact.

Where possible, we try and make ourselves available, for everything from building shelters with programs like Habitat for Humanity, to clean water programs with the UNDP and disaster relief. I guess we’re victims of our own success in that regard, because we so often try and make those contributions quietly, and not trumpet the League’s humanitarian work, that the big shows of force get all the press.

Horribly Ill, hence the posting delay, so forgive any atrocious errors in the transcript. And we’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

The End of the World

2009-04-06T07:40:00.000-07:00

Incestuous Democracy: I’d like to ask you a bit of a hypothetical this time. Normally I don’t like to play these kinds of games, but I think you’re uniquely qualified, for a lot of reasons, to answer. How do you think the world’s going to end?

Superman: Let me say, first, that I don’t believe the world will end in 2012. Ted Kord

ID: The inventor and industrialist who goes by the name Blue Beetle

S: once he came up with this complicated mathematic algorithm. Basically, he’d taken the idea, as developed by, Terrence McKenna, of Novelty theory, and found a basic proof using rudimentary quantum mechanics. It didn’t prove, as some people think, that the world would end in 2012, but, as Ted explained, after that point, “things got weird.” Ted, and he’s I think in line with McKenna on this, but he thinks that at that point technology becomes so rapid in its evolution, that the slight derivations in method amount to exponential fragmentation of divergent realities- basically, that the normal, parallel-world model of the multiverse grows with such a speed that the equation starts to have difficulty distinguishing between differences in realities. One of Ted’s “theories,” there, is that at some point interdimensional travel becomes possible across these realities, so what you see is a technological cross-breeding, which is part of the reason for the odd shifts in the equation. Of course, Ted’s been known to get a little silly when he holes up in his lab for too many hours without food or sleep.

ID: Okay, so not in 2012…

S: I’m thinking. It’s something the League, like every other security-minded organization should probably spend more time doing.

ID: In a post-9/11 world?

S: I hate that term. The world post-9/11 isn’t any different. The only thing we learned was that bad people are willing to do bad things in America just as readily as in other parts of the world. The fact that we Americans, and I’m as guilty of this as anyone, were sheltered from the problems of the rest of the planet doesn’t change the fact that it wasn’t the world that changed- it was our ability to perceive the many facets of reality that did.

But it isn’t just that we weren’t able to stop it- though God knows I take that failure very personally- though I take some small comfort from what Ollie told me later, that “while we were stopping a hurricane, humanity got hit by a little rain.” The real issue, I think, is we failed to even imagine it. Even Bruce, who I think could outmaneuver the devil himself, was out-thought that day. And that still scares us all.

But imagination. Hmm. I’m an optimist, but I think I’m an optimistic realist, so you can let that color what I say, or you can join me in my estimation, but I don’t think the world is going to end in a puff of smoke, or a ball of fire. I think that, if we’ve seen anything, it’s that the people on this planet want desperately to survive. And humanity is nothing if not resilient. Even if you take superhumanity out of the equation-which, statistically wouldn’t make sense, as their portion of the population is trending upwards, not down- the species refuses to go quietly into that good night.

So no matter what the threat, whether it’s a planet-killing asteroid or a planet-eating megapredator- I’ve seen the Earth defend itself against the worst threats in the universe; I honestly can’t imagine an outside threat that could pose a genuine danger to the planet as a whole.

And, you know, I’m not one of those people worried about technological hubris, either. Maybe I’m jaded, coming from Krypton, but technology, by and large, can yield a hundred civilian applications for any technology for every military one- the difference is merely that most of our focus and funding tends towards the militaristic because of global instability. I think, as you see things stabilize worldwide, you’ll see the perceived necessity for violence diminish, and the focus on useful rather than vengeful technologies thrive.

I think the end of the world will be quiet. I think humanity’s number will dwindle, because the sun’s power will fade, so the amount of life the planet can sustain will shrink, and humanity will move off-world. So I think the end of the Earth will be witnessed by only a handful of residents. The sun will die, fizzling slowly into darkness, and they’ll sit on their porches watching it go. They’ll go inside, then pick up a book and wait for the end to come, because they figure they’re too old to start over fresh someplace else.

I think my dad was that kind of guy. Most small farmers got out years ago, but he kept his farm going even though he knew he wasn’t earning sweat equity anymore, just barely keeping the place going with his own blood. He was just too old to learn how to live some other way, so he worked himself to death in a field, because that was the way his dad died, and that was the way he wanted to die, too. He saw a nobility in that, working ‘til his heart burst, but working with his hands, “like a man ought to.”

I think that’s how the world ends, with a few stubborn folks who refuse to be moved from their homes. Humanity, though- humanity’s going to keep going for as long as it can find new places to hang its collective (and dispersed) hats. And that makes me smile, the way I know it’d have made pa smile; there’s something gratifying about knowing the world will go on without you, maybe better for your time and maybe not, but that it’ll go on regardless. It’s why I’m glad the world has Kara, now- I hated the thought that I would be the last of my kind; it’s nice to know that something will survive you.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Heroes for Hire?

2009-03-30T04:45:00.000-07:00

Innocent Donut: I want to continue by picking up a thread I think we left hanging last week. Why do you think costumed vigilantes tend towards insularity, looking within the community for lawyers and prison guards, people with experience rather than looking outside?

Superman: I think experience may be the operative word, but some of it has to do with trust issues- which, as you can imagine, are more prickly among people who use a separate identity- and some of it just has to do with general skepticism. We’ve seen “normal” police and “normal” corrections officers try to handle superhumans, and, frankly, they’re woefully ill-equipped, sometimes fatally so.

ID: Okay; well what's stopping you from using your expertise to train the regular prison staff?

S: Most of us who do this, and I think it’s become clear I’m reluctant to use the word “hero” because it’s a term I’ve never been comfortable self-applying, but we don’t do this for a living. With a few exceptions, most of us don’t receive a paycheck, or a government stipend- anything. This is a calling, to be sure, but when people are already donating their time on things of life and death importance, it’s hard to further impose upon their lives for what amounts to, at the end of the day, administrative work- for nothing.

Constructing the Super Max cost Bruce nearly a billion dollars, that’s with a b. I love that Bruce has willingly put up vast amounts of cash, not just for Super Max but for everything, and we even talked about it, when we started the League back up, about paying a salary. In the end we decided against it. The problem is, that creates a change in the mentality of what we do- it stops being about helping people, and being an example, and starts being about money. It would cheapen what we do, cheapen the very real sacrifices people have made and will make, and tarnish what the League needs to represent if we’re going to remain a beacon to the world.

I remember we got so far as to bring it up for a vote. I think, from the discussion we were having, that we were pretty divided, but it was Plastic Man who stood up and gave the speech that I think cemented the issue for us. It was odd, because he often affects a materialistic, even greedy demeanor, but he said he was voting against it, that he wouldn’t want to see the greatest people he’d ever known reduced to mercenaries, he wouldn’t want to live in a world where our slogan became the same as the legal profession: “the best justice money can buy.”

What’s that they always say about the wisdom of a fool? Sometimes the least among us, and he often strives to live up to that title, but sometimes the least among us really understand us the best. But I may be too close to it; you’ve been pretty good about affecting the layman- what do you think?

ID: I don’t know. I think I’ve been on both sides of that fence, as a salaried writer and a freelancer- and the money does change, fundamentally, the paradigm. But at the same time, I think a lack of money also changes it, too. I guess what I’d say is if professional politicians can take home a paycheck, I don’t see why the Justice League shouldn’t.

S: But politicians, for a variety of reasons, end up beholden to special interests; even when a politician is able to separate his campaign from his work and legislates without bias, that perception of impropriety still weighs on them. It’s imperative that when members of the League intervene that there never be a question as to what interests they’re serving. We’re here to help. I worry bringing money into the equation would dilute that.

ID: But you’ve already admitted that Bruce Wayne donates billions of dollars to the League for operations. Doesn’t that represent a potential conflict?

S: It could. I think, if Bruce were any other billionaire, it might. But you have to remember that up until a few months ago, Bruce was donating that money anonymously- and there has never been a moment where I felt Bruce’s mind was on business rather than on saving lives.

ID: Okay, I'm curious, given everything you've said, how you feel about heroes who do offer their services for pay. And I'll preface your answer by saying this is nothing new; off-duty policemen work as bodyguards, special forces often leave the military to work for security companies.

S: I'm not going to badmouth anyone who has ever done this work. Frankly, anyone who donates any time whatsoever should be commended- and we all have expenses, a mortgage, car loans, some of us have kids with tuition. Personally, selling my abilities, it just wouldn't feel right- but by and large I'd trust the people I've worked with to make the right decisions about how they conduct themselves. We all have to live- I just hope they're making choices they can live with.

ID: Um, I have heard that the League does, and always has, offered an exceptional benefits package- medical, dental, even a scholarship program.

S: That’s true, as well as an, and I always cringe bringing it up- it seems like bad luck, but a life insurance policy. And for those who aren’t in the League, there’s a pretty cost-effective buy-in program, like what SAG and the Writer’s Guild have.

ID: Speaking of that, I seem to remember a rumbling a few years back of a superhero strike.

S: There were some people agitating for that, actually. Most of us in the community have day jobs. We work a nine to five, although I think Oracle actually did a kind of a census, a few years back, and there were far more blue-collar workers with strange schedules than there were people working strictly nine to five. But we quashed that. Basically, it came down to a few of the, I’ve heard them called “street-level” heroes, wanting a strike. We said, “No,” that it was going to hurt innocent people, and there was really no guarantee state and local authorities wanted us enough to pay us anyway. I really would strongly encourage the government, state, local, whomever, to consider it- some of these people are making the choices between eating dinner and fighting crime- and they already give so much it’s not right to ask them to make that choice.

ID: How did turning down the pay resolution affect the League members who'd been pushing for a strike?

S: It was actually fascinating to see how it divided people. I think the strike, fundamentally, was an attempt to find a socially acceptable place for them- not quite within the classic police force, but in a complementary system to it. And really, if I thought there was a stronger likelihood of pushing it through, I'd have at least been willing to advocate for it politically, because it's an idea I can get behind. But the pay measure was different. Deep as Bruce's pockets are, none of us want him to have to foot the bill; there are some of us, like Ollie, who are reluctant to give him any more influence than he already has, which I personally think is a little paranoid. There are some, like myself, who simply think he does enough already. We may operate in an imperfect system, but it wouldn't be right to ask Bruce to buy us a better one- and it'd be harder to live up to the name on the door if we did.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Super Max

2009-03-23T07:51:00.000-07:00

Ignominious Dynasty: I want to talk about your Gulag.

Superman: Last week you called it a Guantanamo; ratcheting up the rhetoric, are we?

ID: No. You don’t get to be smug about this- especially after the way you’ve used this interview. Your prison- it’s, it's offensive. You hold people without trial, without access to representation, without the possibility of a writ. Whatever happened to truth, justice and the American way?

S: I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to be smug; at worst I was trying to deadpan. But my reply to your second question will come off smug, even though it isn’t meant to be: this is the American way. Guantanamo has been a political and martial reality for closing in on a decade. We have a new president, so that may be changing, but the fact of the matter is the American people knew about Guantanamo and enemy combatants long before they decided to let George Bush stay on as president after finishing Luthor's term.

But that's a side issue- a safe, philosophical discussion that I'm more than happy to engage in, but one whose implications are academic at this point. Because it isn't about civil liberties. It isn't even about justice. It's about safeguarding the public- and not just the American public, but people across the globe. And some of these threats are global- and all of the ones we admit into Super Max are terrorists who the normal criminal justice apparatus can't handle.

ID: Threats, not people? And I've heard the League use that word before, terrorists; so you're playing the “War on Terror” card?

S: I'm not saying it applies to every single metahuman; some are only involved in petty larceny, and frankly, I don't think anyone would want to apply the same extraordinary measures to someone like that. But you let a Dr. Psycho or a Grodd even talk to an attorney and there will be at a minimum a riot- more likely a massive break-out attempt. We’ve seen it happen.

ID: Okay- I’ll grant you criminals who can control minds are a special case, and prosecuting them might take some bending of the normal Constitutional protocols- but the fact remains that most of the superhumans in your Gulag could be granted free and fair trials.

S: They could. Our problem is most of them have. At present, our corrections departments just aren’t able to contain most superhumans; there are even issues holding onto nonsuperhumans who have spent time interacting with the superhuman community. Arkham Asylum in Gotham, which purports to be the most secure institute of its kind in the country, is practically a revolving door for psychopaths. The prison system at large is even worse- even when you don’t take into account government programs like the so-called “Suicide Squad” that encourage early release.

ID: So the ends justify the means once again.

S: This was never meant as a final solution- and don’t use that as an excuse to start drawing Nazi parallels- Super Max is meant to be a temporary holding facility until we can figure out how to provide justice for the inmates, and security for the rest of humanity.

I think our larger failing, and perhaps my largest failing, has been one of leadership. When there’s a flaming monster hell-bent on destroying a continent, the world’s best and brightest come running. But when it’s a complex sociopolitical problem, with necessities in every discipline ranging from legal to technological- there just isn’t the same kind of enthusiasm. And that’s where I think our League has failed, so far; we should have pushed people harder.

And maybe it's exposing the somewhat incestuous nature of our community, or perhaps just how insulated from the normal world we can be. Perhaps we've spent too much time lamenting the lack of superhuman lawyers, rather than spending that time recruiting lawyers willing to work with the superhuman community. But we're not starting to think autonomously; we aren't looking to set up tribunals, or presume to mete out sentences and punishments.

ID: We’re straying- which is entirely my fault. You’ve acknowledged that the new president means a change in policy at Guantanamo, which sounds like in your mind the two are linked. Are you saying that Super Max is on American soil, and that the president has sway over its administration?

S: Super Max, and I don’t think I’m overstepping too much, has always been a joint venture with the U.S. Government. It’s not officially a government entity, and no tax-payer funds are used to keep it running, but we regularly cooperate with federal entities. Something like a third of the inmates housed in Super Max are there as a result of federal investigations and arrests.

ID: I would ask why the government can capture these criminals but can’t house them.

S: Which seems like a reasonable question on its face. And with some, um, we’ll call them supercriminals, that makes sense. For Captain Cold, you take away his freeze gun, and he’s basically like any other convict. But for Icicle, basically the same powers, except he is the freeze gun. And this isn’t Powers- we can’t set somebody underneath a violet-tinged “power drainer” lamp and call them neutralized.

With Icicle specifically, we had to take special precautions. For one, he’s in an entirely separate cell block, with its own self-contained HVAC and water systems. The cell is constructed of a specially-developed insulating concrete; outside that is basically a thermal wall, constantly heated; so if Icicle penetrates his cell wall, he can’t freeze through this secondary wall- in fact, the ambient temperature from the thermal wall would keep him from generating freezing temperatures if he ever managed to expose it. And it’s an ongoing process. We were cautious to keep the piping separate- but apparently the water-heater for his cell block was within range of his abilities, and he managed to freeze that- basically flooding the entire cell block. More changes, more money.

The end goal is to create a sort of grudging stalemate, where the inmates realize they can’t escape and will stop trying- which is the usual status quo in the prison system. Then we can hand over the keys to the feds. Once the government has the option of locking them safely away, that’s when the possibility of real trials and real justice becomes viable. But the change in administrations does light a fire under us, one we weren't necessarily expecting, but one I think will help us move through what's been a more darkly gray area than some of us realized.

And obviously, from your reaction, we've made some missteps when it comes to how we communicate our goals to the public- and even our methods. It's something we'll try harder with. But honestly, as a reporter and a citizen- I value free and honest criticism: quis custodiet ipsos custodes. I don't think the League could or should function without it.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Honey Pot

2009-03-16T02:54:00.000-07:00

ID: I want to talk about the honey pot.

S: I chose you in spite of your work for that magazine, but if this question's going where I think it's going, this interview's done.

ID: No. This interview's a part of the honey pot, central to the idea. In our first segment, you “let slip” that Batman was Bruce Wayne; you also admitted that you were Clark Kent, married to Lois Lane. In the last few weeks, metahuman arrests in the vicinity of your two home addresses have increased ten-fold- and that’s according to the mostly public knowledge city police records, not counting the superhumans you and the government ship off to your superhuman Guantanamo. And I have it from a reliable confidential source

S: It's Ollie.

ID: What?

S: Anytime a reporter has a “confidential” source from inside the Justice League, it's Ollie. Even when he's not an active member, he's plugged into a lot of others in the community. And Ollie's always had a bit of a problem with the League. What was it he called us, a bunch of “floating fascists” looking down on humanity from our “Stalinist space station.” He gets very alliterative when he's perturbed. His basic concern is usually in the way we handle civil rights, due process. And he has a point, actually- that there aren't rules in the superhuman community. True, we're largely bound by the rules of our country of origin, or whatever local regulations apply, but as superhumans most of us aren't naturally subordinated to law and order like a regular citizen would be- if the cops came to arrest let's say Flash, they'd just have to hope that he was willing to come along quietly, because there's really no way on Earth they could forcibly subdue him. But Ollie's also a loud-mouth, and has a tendency to talk to reporters rather than voice his concerns to the rest of the League.

ID: Just for those who don't buy their Justice League trading cards on a weekly basis, you mean Oliver Queen, the Green Arrow.

S: Yeah.

ID: But what I was getting at, is I've heard it from a reliable source that the League used this interview to put that information into the hands of supercriminals. In essence, and I think the term comes from computer science, but you created a honey pot, to see who was foolish or opportunistic enough to attempt to attack you- that basically, you wanted people to take their cheap shot while they perceived you as weak. Is that true?

S: Yes.

ID: And are you really dying?

(pause)

S: Yes.

ID: Okay. I'm a journalist, and, as I'm sure you're aware, journalists are whores. But for services rendered, I want you to complete this interview, as outlined. No more funny-business, no half-truths, you want to use me to spread information, that’s fine, but I don’t want to become your propaganda wing.

S: Fair enough.

ID: All right. But out of curiosity, how did you do?

S: We've captured about 78% of our high-priority criminals.

ID: High priority?

S: Repeat violent offenders. I mean, there are plenty of costumed yahoos who knock over banks, steal technology, and generally cause a nuisance, but the high-priority cases are those who have repeatedly shown a preference for using violence, not merely in the commission of a crime, but as an end in itself.

ID: So you're talking the Joker, or a rapist like Dr. Light.

S: Yeah. You know, that still troubles me. The underreporting of rape, in our community both personally and professionally, is a stain on what we do. I remember when J'onn pulled me to the side one day, after the thing with Light came out, and we had a big meeting, and we were all shocked, and dismayed.

ID: J'onn J'onnz, the Martian Manhunter.

S: Yeah- and J'onn pulled me to the side. He was very careful to say he doesn't read people's minds without permission, but that there are some emotions that just basically attack him, that are so strong that he sees them without looking. I thought we had just been incredibly lucky, but as it turns out, the League sees roughly the same number of sexual assault cases as anyone in law enforcement, both in the people we help- and even a few League members themselves. And I asked J'onn to share with me everything he'd felt, to show me what he'd seen inadvertently, and he was very reluctant, and said my concern was enough, that he wanted to make sure we took steps, to get everyone counseling and training on dealing with sexual assault and its victims- but I told him it wasn't enough. I needed to know, and he showed me, and- and I actually cried.

I think I've been... insulated in Metropolis. It's a fairly nice city, with an extremely vigilant police force, but being faster than a speeding bullet, it never gets to that point in my city. So long as I'm in town, the moment someone cries out “help,” the attack is over. Of course, after talking with J'onn, I realized how many assaults probably happen quietly at home, date rape, even spousal rape, incest, molestation. As much as we've accomplished in Metropolis, there is still so much more to be done.

And the thing J'onn explained to me, was the statistics are too high. Rape is not an aberration, it isn't just the crazy and immoral people like Light who perpetrate it- the incidence is just too high. It's something normal people engage in- and I'm not even sure how you begin to combat that. How do you fight a culture where people are somehow getting the idea that that kind of behavior is acceptable?

ID: I have no idea.

S: Neither do I. It’s one of the few things I feel genuinely powerless against- and it isn’t a feeling I enjoy. But that’s why Bruce and I conceived the "honey pot." We won’t always be there- I think my illness has put that into stark relief. We wanted to take one last stab at making our friends and family safe. I’m sorry if I was dishonest in my motives, but I think the ends

ID: Justified the means?

S: I recognize that tone; I’ve used it often enough on Lex. But I’d prefer to sacrifice the principle, rather than lose another innocent person. I can stand for my reputation to be slightly tarnished; I couldn't stand “retiring,” knowing there was one more thing I should have done but for pride.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Superman Returns

2009-03-10T00:07:00.000-07:00

ID: I want to take a break from the heavy stuff. I want to talk about Bryan Singer

S: Oh Lord

ID: Funny choice of words.

S: . Look. I'm not the messiah. I have no pretensions to godhood, and when I signed off on Singer's biopic, with the proceeds purportedly going to charity, I had no idea the turns it would take. Obviously, there were certain things that I shared with them, and other things, like the romance between Lois and I, that were based on rumors and used artistic license to craft what I imagine they assumed would be a more engaging story.

ID: So you’re saying you never left Lois heavy with your bastard (or worse, left her to “deal” with it)?

S: Do you think it’s even possible I’d have an illegitimate son? My own father would have put a shotgun to my head if that happened- besides which, obviously, Lois and I are actually married, and have no children. And I am firmly against abortion.

ID: Whoa.

S: That seems like a revelation to you, and it’s something I’ve tried to keep to myself, but it comes with the super senses. I can hear a fetus- the heartbeat, sounds of its organs, even the noise it makes as its first cells divide. I don't know if that's when life begins or not, and I'm not sure if that makes me anti-choice- it’s an argument I’ve half-had with my wife- but I have trouble saying a woman should be forced to incubate a child she never intended to carry, too. Frankly, it’s a decision I’m thankful isn’t mine to make.

ID: Hmm. Okay, let’s back up a little bit. How did you feel when you heard the Superman Charity Movie Project, as it was called then by Warner Bros., was going to be headed by Bryan Singer?

S: Singer’s a really excellent director. He’s good at taking very cerebral, complicated and complex stories and ideas and blending them with action into a cogent whole that’s satisfying over a 2-hour span.

ID: So there wasn't any trepidation that he would use the movie as a commentary on the gay experience in America, in much the same way he did in the X-Men films.

S: You know, I never really thought about it like that. I guess he did in certain scenes underscore the mutant conflict in such a way to draw parallels to homosexuality, but it never really felt burdensome

ID: Except maybe in that Iceman scene.

S: Yeah, maybe then.

ID: So you weren’t troubled when you heard rumors Singer had an agenda with the movie, that he was perhaps going out of his way to find a gay Superman who would then come out during publicity for the film.

S: You know, I wasn’t, really. I think, when I was younger, fresh out of school, still uncertain about myself and untested, and still largely ignorant of what being a homosexual was, I think it might have bothered me, that people might have inferred that I was gay, or assumed that I was part of pushing a homosexual agenda. But I’m to a point in my life now where I don’t care. In fact, if I could lend some of my, uh,

ID: Credibility

S: right, to the idea of homosexual rights, then that would be a positive thing.

The only uncomfortable part would be that I'd be pushed to answer whether or not I was a homosexual, which is something I don't want to do, because the denial assumes there’s something wrong with being gay; I’m comfortable enough with myself and my sexuality that I don’t care what people whisper behind my back, but there are people, here and abroad, who would view me differently, might even be more reluctant to accept my help. But as far as personally, anyone who might decide to treat me differently because of a perceived flaw- particularly where the flaw was in their thinking and not in mine or anyone else’s lifestyle- I just don’t have time to concern myself with that kind of person.

And, I mean, Lois has a way of reassuring me, and I don’t just mean that in a dirty kind of way, but she’s just, anything that’s bothering me, she can make it all okay.

ID: I have to ask: what was with the Kryptonite island?

S: You know, what’s funny is the original script for the movie was darker. I’ve read parts of it, particularly the heroic moments, and it featured Luthor and a robotic menace which was based pretty faithfully on something he actually did, and he got a court order banning them from using it. I mean, his legal team tied up a dozen different drafts of the film, to the point where I think they just gave up, and went for something a little bit silly, because they figured they could sell that without Luthor raising a stink. Of course, his final lawsuit was simply for points on the gross. The ending amount that went to charity was a few hundred thousand dollars; Bruce ribbed me that I’d let them violate my legacy for the amount he weekly writes a check for for combating AIDS in Africa. And it wasn’t actually Hollywood accounting this time; the FX budget was enormous, and Luthor cost them a good chunk with all his legal challenges. And, you know, people just didn’t see it like Warner thought they might.

ID: But what about the... undertones of the film?

S: I’ll say this again, once more, for the record: I have no overarching messiah complex. I want to help people, I believe, with my abilities, I have a responsibility to help people- I believe that it's the purpose for which I was brought to this planet.

ID: So you believe in fate?

S: I believe in order. I'm not certain enough of what that order's purpose is- even if there's any kind of consciousness behind the organization of things- but I've seen enough of the Universe to say that entropy isn't the only force at work in shaping things. There's some meaning out there, even if you sometimes have to get out there and make it.

ID: But isn't it's true that you've been the center of your own religious tradition.

S: There was a cult that emerged around the time of my “death” fighting Doomsday, but I certainly never cultivated it, never encouraged it- in fact, at every opportunity, I've encouraged people not to follow it as a religion. Religion is something bigger than me, bigger than the things even I do. Some days I struggle to be a good husband and man- I'm just not up to the task of being someone's God.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Last Son

2009-03-02T15:39:00.001-08:00

Indirect Distraction: I kind of feel like we’ve been straying from the point- it’s interesting to hear you talk, candidly, about your relationships, but I think we should refocus. You’ve been called ‘the man of tomorrow’ and ‘the last son of Krypton,’ but how do you think your illness impacts either of these?

Superman: I think there was still a sense, when I first, um, arrived on the scene, as it were, that we were still on the cusp of the future. That jetpacks and an end to disease were coming, soon, if we could just hold our breath a little longer. I think that’s where the whole ‘man of tomorrow’ thing comes from. People thought, in a few years, that will be me, or at the least in a few years that’ll be my kids. When people learned that I was from another planet, that I had future technology in my hands, well, that just played into it all the more.

As to being the last son of Krypton… I’m not. At least, not strictly. Because there’s Kara.

ID: Your cousin, Supergirl.

S: That’s… always a really weird thing for me to hear her called. I don’t remember much about Krypton- at that age the world was mostly shapes and colors- but I remember quite distinctly my mother, my father, and Kara. She used to, I guess babysit, would be the word. And when my father sent me to Earth in a rocket, he sent Kara, too, to look after me. It was rotten luck that caused her ship to be damaged in the planet’s explosion. At the time, physically, and emotionally, she was about the equivalent of 16. So at least chronologically, she’s older than I am- it’s odd for me to think of her as a girl.

ID: Yet she is a girl, though she’s blossoming, becoming a woman. How’s, how is your relationship, now? Do you find yourself mentoring her?

S: Obviously, yes. It’s a very odd state of affairs. When it comes to Krypton or things Kryptonian, when I’m with her, I feel very much like I’m a Native American kid raised off the reservation, who’s been playing cowboys and Indians because that’s the closest reasonable facsimile I had. But she knows the people and the culture that I largely missed out on. The robots and the technology my father sent me with taught me how to read, write and speak Kryptonese, but she taught me my first Kryptonian swear words, and tells me stories about Kryptonian food, the way it tasted, the way it smelled. She’s still working with Earth ingredients, trying to capture the proper flavor and texture. Kara really is the last Kryptonian survivor- and I’m happy its legacy rests with her- I always felt like I was a fake- I know Krypton from books and pictures, and video archives- she smelled its air, felt its wind on her skin- Krypton’s a fairy tale to me, but for Kara, it was home.

Of course on Earth, especially interacting with humans, the tables are completely reversed. I’ve lived on Earth more than twice as long as she was on Krypton- and I was raised by human beings. And she has lots of questions, which she’s finally gotten comfortable enough to ask- though it’s mostly just culture shock.

ID: About that, I actually sort of wanted to ask, who was responsible for the design of her costume, or is it based on traditional Kryptonian garb, and the planet really was the paradise it’s sometimes described as?

S: Careful.

ID: Aww- you’re defending your cousin’s honor.

S: Not at all. Kara’s a big girl- with an exceptional left hook. I speak with absolutely no hyperbole when I say she could take your jaw clean off- and might. She’s still learning about human customs and vulnerabilities.

But you’re pouring a bit of salt in a wound there, actually. Kara’s had a rough time adjusting. I don’t want to… go into her past- I think revealing certain things would be breaking her trust. But suffice it to say that she has lingering issues with her father.

ID: All right. Let me ask a hard question. Kara’s certainly had a rough time, including some rather nasty press coverage coming out of the Daily Planet. But putting that S on her chest, it’s a lot to live up to- you’ve made it a lot to live up to. And with your illness, she isn’t just there to augment you, pretty soon she’s going to be the standard bearer of that symbol. Do you think she’s up to the task?

S: I do. I’ve seen a lot of people try to do this, and it’s really, really tough work, emotionally. It grinds some people to dust, and consumes others. But what it takes to succeed in this is an unwillingness to bend in the face of adversity. Kara’s held on a lot longer than most, through some of the toughest times I’ve seen, and I think if she can go just a little longer, she’ll break through, and be the kind of hero she wants to be, which will put her on the path to the hero the world is going to ask her to be.

ID: So you think she’ll make a suitable replacement for you when you’ve passed?

S: God, I hope not. Because Kara’s her own person. I want her to be who she is, to find that place that I’ve been lucky enough to find, where the kind of person the world wants you to be and the kind of person you want to be aren’t mutually exclusive, and at least for me, have been complementary. I don’t want Kara shoe-horned into my roles in the community, because they wouldn’t suit her; she has to find her own path and her own way. I mean, I’m proud of her already, as proud as any father could be, but I’m disappointed, too, that I won’t get to see it all the way through.

ID: God. Um, I’m sorry. I’d forgotten, my condolences, about your own father.

S: Yeah, thank you. He… he was my dad, you know? There were times we disagreed, hell, even fought, over the right direction for me, for my life. But any time we argued, and he didn’t know if I was right, didn’t know if it could ever be right to interfere in such a massive way, I’d tell him, “I may not always be right, dad, but I’ll always do right by those who depend on me. Because that’s the kind of man you raised me to be.” I’m going to miss him, so much.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

World's Finest

2009-02-24T05:45:00.000-08:00

Indiana Drones: I want to talk to you about Bruce.

Superman: You mean Batman?

ID: I suppose you probably know other Bruce's, don't you, yes, Bruce Wayne, the Batman. You seem to have a lot of respect for him, and at the same time, you often compare him to Lex Luthor, who a lot of people have compared to Saddam Hussein.

S: That's true, but I think that comparison is usually because Bruce is entirely different from Lex. He's an example of how it could be with Lex-

ID: But the sort of reverse of that is that Lex is how Bruce could have turned out if things had been different.

S: I don't think so; Bruce would tell you that his life was shaped by tragedy, that he's much more a product of his childhood than a creature of willpower, but I think that's just one of the many masks Bruce likes to wear. He doesn't... like acknowledging who he really is. That's why Bruce Wayne is a foppish caricature- because Bruce is afraid of being discovered.

ID: So you're saying it had nothing to do with hiding his identity?

S: I don't think it was a very effective way of hiding his identity, no. I mean, the easiest way to hide his identity would be to use commercially available weapons in his arsenal. He once let slip that his annual batarang budget usually averaged $200,000 dollars. Of course, that's not counting the Chinese smugglers he paid to bring him the supplies from the Russian arms dealers who smithed them. If he'd just used guns, or, in keeping with his creed, stun guns, he could have kept his costs within at least the realm of believability for a normal citizen. As a mask it was completely ineffectual- and Bruce is anything but ineffectual.

The one, defining characteristic of Bruce's is willpower. Most people, if they lost their parents like that, they'd drown themselves in pills or booze or whatever other things their vast riches could buy them. The rest would have buried themselves in friends and psychologists, and cried it out until they found a way to move past it.

Bruce was past it immediately. And like most people faced with horror, he grit his teeth and said “Never again.” But unlike most people, he's spent his entire life doing everything he can to live up to that. I'm sure he could quote chapter and verse the litany of times he's failed- and if you took him at his word, and counted, you might be as heartbroken as he is, but I'm not. I'm heartened by that. Because Bruce knows the name of everyone he's ever failed, and he knows how. He cares that damn much. There are times when I find myself sitting at home in bed, ready for rest, warm and comfortable in my bed, with Lois curled around me, and I'll hear a scream, and hesitate. But in that moment's hesitation (which for me takes a fraction of a second), I ask myself what Bruce would do, and getting out of bed's a little easier.

ID: So respect is

S: Putting it lightly, yeah. Bruce is my yardstick in a lot of things.

ID: Like?

S: Bruce is really the bravest man I know. It doesn’t take anything exceptional to be a good person when you’re raised in a safe, loving environment; it doesn’t take courage for a bulletproof man to stand between innocent people and a gun. But there is nothing I would do to protect innocent people Bruce would hesitate from doing- many of which I would survive while he would not. That’s why I say that.

ID: Okay, well given your mutual affection, why do you think

S: Affection is too strong. I think Bruce respects me. No, scratch that- I know he does. He doesn't want to admit it- and he certainly doesn't like that anyone close to him knows, but he does. Because Bruce likes to be in control. Because of his childhood, because of that massive and traumatic loss of control when his parents were murdered in front of him, he needs to be in control. And that's why Batman is who Batman is- because even though he's known most of us and worked with us for years, even though most of us are smart enough and responsible and capable enough to handle ourselves without his guiding hand, it's a fundamental part of Bruce's character.

And I think, especially, he feels that he has to be humanity's representative with the league. It's not something he aspired to; he's certainly tried to convince other “human” heroes to step forward and take that mantle, most notably Ollie, but at the end of the day he's always the one who brings us our human perspective, who keeps our day to day activities grounded in the same soil where most of the people who depend on us walk.

ID: Okay. But why didn't you and Bruce work together. Gotham is close enough he could probably fling a batarang into Metropolis from there.

S: There's a long and short answer to that. “I work alone.”

ID: That's a pretty good Batman.

S: Exceptional vocal muscle control.

ID: And the long answer?

S: Bruce wasn't ready for a partner yet- which, I suppose, could have been his meaning- though I doubt he'd admit anything so personal while in costume. But he wasn't ready for the tragedy of losing anyone else in his life- and not just to danger, he couldn't have handled getting close to someone and then having them move on to another relationship, another friendship, a job in another city or whatever. He was still extraordinarily fragile, because emotionally he'd never taken the time to process what happened to his parents. And because on some level Bruce understood that, he kept everyone at arm's length. Look at that time of his life- his only real friends and confidants were people he knew before his parents' murder- he didn't let new people in. He joined the League before he ever met Robin, but he was only ever there out of necessity; at the slightest breeze he was gone, mentally if not physically. But it was Robin, really, who helped him open up. I think it was seeing his own tragedy unfold in someone else's life, and realizing that he alone couldn't stop that history from repeating, I think that's what opened him up again to being a part of something larger than himself.

ID: I take it, then, that you asked him.

S: Yeah, of course I did. I was kind of a dumb kid from the sticks in Kansas- and Krypton- and he was- well, he was the Batman. I still felt self-conscious in my red and blue space police uniform, but he was cool- he was actually a little intimidating in that pointy-eared cowl.

ID: So were you at all disappointed to find out Batman was only human?

S: No- I was more impressed. Here was a guy who could do all kinds of amazing things that he had figured out for himself- or trained for a lifetime to do. There isn't a lot of video footage of the Batman in action, so there aren’t many opportunities to see it for yourself, but the closest thing I can think of is ballet. Watching him work, it's like a ballet- it's brutally, brutally violent- but at the same time, there's a visual beauty to it- it’s watching a master artisan practice an art honed over years of training. I’m just an alien who can shoot heat out his eyes; Bruce makes art with his hands and his mind. To quote Lois, I’m lucky she met me first- though I think she just says that to make me feel self-conscious.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Valentine

2009-02-16T04:47:00.001-08:00

Indecent Dichotomy: I want to say something: I had no idea that this weekend was Valentine's when I asked you about Diana last week.

Superman: I figured. You must not be married.

ID: No. Why?

S: Because no married man could get away with forgetting Valentine's.

ID: Ah. But I think you availed yourself well, all things considered- and really, I feel bad about the loaded question.

S: Well, I got lucky, actually.

ID:

S: Um, not what I meant.

ID: Yet you're not denying it. (pause) You know the whole glowing eyes thing isn't very nice.

S: No, I meant I was lucky, in that your question really hit something. Lois has- well, Lois is one of the most fascinating women in the world, but it can be hard for me to remember sometimes that for all of her strength, she's still a woman.

And she sees me spending time with really fairly attractive women in phenomenal shape because of what they do, um, oftentimes wearing, um, less than a professional woman otherwise might...

ID: It feels like we should have brought your lawyer- you seem to be choosing your words rather carefully.

S: As indeed I should. But head and shoulders above any of her colleagues, Diana is a, well, wonderful woman. And apparently Lois has always been, jealous isn't the right word, exactly, but

ID: I think we get the idea.

S: Well she isn't anymore. Officially. Apparently my answers last week helped sooth her savage beast, and,

ID: You got lucky. (laughter) You're almost the same shade of red as your cape. I'm counting that as a win.

S: Now you're just trying to get me in trouble.

ID: I'm trying to get you spanked- not quite the same thing.

S: It’s not really me you have to worry about; Lois often tells me, “I know people. They’d never even find the body.” Which is entirely possible. She’s done some reporting in very dangerous parts of the world- who knows what kinds of contacts she’s made.

ID: Something to keep in mind, but Valentine’s Day. What’d the two of you get up to?

S: I assume you mean in the light of day- I think Lois and I are pretty fortunate. We’ve been together for a while, now, and in that time we’ve had a lot of reasons to celebrate. My telling her the truth about who I am, our wedding,

ID: Your resurrection

S: (sigh) if you want to call it that. I think, doing what I do, I get a lot more highs and lows than most people, more tragedy and triumph. Lois and I get a lot of reasons to to be happy. And I don’t want to say that Valentine’s is less special because of that, but it can be hard to compare to

ID: One of you coming back to life after dying to save the other.

S: Really? You’re still stuck on that? Anyway, um, we flew to Hawaii, because Lois really likes this breed of flower they have, I forget the name, but it looks kind of like a horn, and the colors change from the rim, and there’s this long stamen- I think it’s a kind of hibiscus- but we flew there and took a walk along the edge of an active volcano, Kilauea, and then we picked flowers. And there’s this little French Bistro, in Paris, on the rue St. Louis-en-lle, where we had dinner. Then we retired to the Peruvian Fortress of Solitude for the evening.

ID: So all in all, it’s good to be Superman.

S: It is; though actually I hope it’s as good to be Superman’s wife.

ID: It sounds like it. I can’t imagine finding fault with that evening. Or is there something you’re glossing over?

S: Well... we were drinking wine, and watching Grey’s Anatomy on DVD- okay, I talked her into Grey’s Anatomy- she wanted to watch Desperate Housewives, and I heard about an emergency. I told Lois I had to go, and she flicked off the TV, and started walking towards the sleeping quarters, and said she’d get comfortable, and, uh then she looked over her shoulder and said, “Don’t make me wait too long, Smallville.” Of course, you have to imagine Lois saying it, because coming from me, well, it doesn’t have the right sound. I told her I didn’t really have to go. But she knows me too well, so even though I’ve finally gotten deadpan down, she saw right through me, laughed, and pointed at the door.

And the whole time I was flying, that stuck with me, “Don’t make me wait too long.” I didn’t. It might have been a record-breaking time for ending a hijacking- even for me. (pause) What?

ID: Sorry. Too often in our profession we get hung up on the disasters, and the tragedies- it’s so rare we get to bask in the simple adoration of a husband and wife.

S: Amen to that.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Wonderful

2009-02-09T07:12:00.001-08:00

ID: I want to talk to you about Wonder Woman. I know this is something the pair of you have been pretty vague about in the past, but Diana- did it ever happen?

Superman: I’ve always had a lot of respect for Diana. I don’t know if there’s anyone else, besides my parents, that I respect more. Actually, strike that. The first time I met Diana… respect came later. I mean, she was really, really gorgeous. So respect came after I’d got through ogling her- which, you know, when you’ve got supersenses can take a while, the moment she stopped talking to Batman and I started listening to her, yeah, immediate respect. But that first time I met her, there was a moment I thought we’d end up being together, you know, start out working together, then get close, and eventually that partnership turns into a really strong relationship. I mean, we even wore the same colors, for God’s sake, so either she was my biggest fan, or we both just clicked on a fundamental level.

I think when I heard her speak I stopped thinking that way; I mean, I considered my mom a pretty strong feminist, and very independent and intelligent, while still being sort of traditional, but Diana was independent in an entirely different class. I mean, I like my women to be strong-willed, but Diana was- well, it would have been like dating Bruce if Bruce looked really good in a- what would you call that outfit of hers? It’d probably count as a bathing suit if she was swimming in it, but I guess, a fighting suit? I don’t know. God, that must come off as sexist.

ID: I don’t think so. I think it’s just culture shock. You’ve said before you were raised in a very rural, traditional kind of home, with very traditional values and gender roles. By contrast, Wonder Woman comes from a society entirely devoid of a second gender, let alone gender roles.

S: Yeah. And at the time I thought she might be a lesbian- not that I really knew exactly what that might mean, or that I actually knew a few lesbians who were nothing like her. But it was a different time, then, and I was a much more naïve man.

But there’s a part of me that’s always felt bad for Diana. I think she really wants to find something in this world, and most of the time she’s ended up with just incredibly horrible men- I mean, men who wouldn’t be good enough for her even if she wasn’t Wonder Woman- so I don’t know. I mean, one of her most stable relationships was with Bruce. The problem with Bruce’s relationships is always the same- he really wants love, and affection, and to belong- but at the same time, he really won’t let himself have those things. It’s why so many of his relationships end up shallow, and meaningless. A lot of it is self-flagellation, for failing to save his parents, for failing to save a lot of other people’s parents. Bruce finds a way to blame himself for every single tragedy in the world; it makes him the best there is at what he does, but it’s also the loneliest way to live I could imagine. But Diana… Diana was different, because she forced him to be different. Most any woman he can trick, or bully, or ignore, into getting what he wants out of a relationship, but she had his number. There wasn’t ever a time when she couldn’t push him into a place where they could both enjoy one another. I think it just fell apart at some point, and they’re both private enough I don’t really know why. If I had to guess, she might have just gotten tired of pushing; it could be one of the cyclical tragedies that seem to always follow Bruce interrupted them. I don’t really know. Maybe they’ll get back together some day. I don’t know. But they’re still really excellent friends, and I guess that’s far more important.

ID: I’m still choking a bit on the part about you thinking Wonder Woman was a lesbian.

S: Well, lesbian wasn’t a word I heard until high school, and I didn’t really understand what it meant until years later. I’ve known some really great women who happened to be gay, some in spandex and some not. Growing up in a small town, I'm sure I knew some lesbians- but I never would have known it, because they had to keep it a secret. It was just a much different time than today.

ID: You've only sort of answered my question. How do you feel about Diana?

S: I’m sure you’re going to get me into trouble with Lois, but I love Diana. There’ve been a lot of times where I’ve sat at home, listening to the radio, or watching her on the television, wiped from a day of saving people and reporting, being a husband and being a man, and there’s Diana, and she’s been working just as hard for just as long as me, but she’s standing up and speaking- eloquently- about whatever it is that needs speaking up about. And she's probably got an evening at a fund raiser planned after the speech.

She’s constantly in the public eye, whether it’s working as an ambassador, her work with the United Nations or the literally hundreds of charities and foundations she’s helped, she’s always out there. And it isn’t because she likes the limelight, or the publicity or the scrutiny, because as someone who has known her personally for years now, I can say, that’s not Diana. She’s out there because it’s where she needs to be. To say that she’s a wonderful woman is an understatement.

ID: Okay, and this question is maybe a little handing a man in a hole a shovel, but after saying all that, why do you think you ended up with Lois and never pursued Diana?

S: Diana is wonderful- at a minimum. And Diana is wonderful at and in almost everything. But for me- she’s just no Lois Lane.

ID: That is either the portrait of a man still very deeply in love with his wife, or very staunchly covering his ass.

S: Can’t it be both? (laughter) But seriously… Lois is exactly who I need, who I’ve always wanted. I’m trying to put it into a combination of words that isn’t stolen from Jerry Maguire.

In my, we’ll call it a costumed persona, I wear my heart and my ideals on my sleeve, while pushing my frustrations, and my faults down and away. Lois does the opposite. She puts her scars and her issues at the surface; sometimes she’s hiding away her very tender heart, and sometimes she’s simply out there to say, “this is who I am; these are my holes, my imperfections, and my flaws. Treasure me if you can, I have no time for you if you can’t.” She can be raw, and abrasive, even mean, at times, but it’s never because she’s anything but the sweetest woman in the world underneath. And all of these things, it might sound like I’m trying to connect her and myself to the seedier side of humanity, and in a way I guess that’s what I’m saying

ID: (shoveling sounds)

S: yes, all while digging deeper, is that she’s my anchor. It’s so easy to get lost, in your own nonsense or the world’s, and she keeps me grounded, keeps me sane, keeps me loving, and caring, and wanting to be the man she thinks I am- which, as much as every kid and parent in America idolizes and idealizes me, Lois has me on another realm of pedestals. But she doesn’t fault me for not being that ideal, she loves me for being the best man I can.

As much as I respect Diana, and cherish her example, she could never be that person for me- and Lois is.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Death

2009-02-02T02:03:00.000-08:00

ID: I want to talk about death. As someone who has “died,” what can you tell us about it?

Superman: You know, that’s an interesting question. I guess, to be honest, I was a little busy to notice. I mean, I remember dying. But death, like the afterlife- I was preoccupied. The stress of everything that came with dying, everything that preceded it, and the aftermath I knew I was leaving behind, I never really took stock in being dead, surveyed the area to notice if I was in an Elysian Field or if there were chubby winged babies. I guess, too, I was in constant transition; I didn't get a moment to rest on my laurels- even in death there seemed to be a lot of demands on my time.

ID: Okay. Then let’s start with dying. What do you remember?

S: Doomsday. The thing about dying, is you always picture it as quiet, a last goodbye to friends and loved ones, maybe a kiss, closing your eyes, and letting go of that last heavy breath before you drift peacefully away.

Instead, my last moment was Doomsday. The hot, hateful stench of his breath, his sweat, all of the things he’d trampled on and through. The taste of my blood in my mouth, and pain, scorching pain everywhere. Being as durable as I am, I can survive a lot of punishment, but as it turns out, that means anything strong enough to kill me really hurts. And the sight of him- because Doomsday was massive; it might have been bittersweet to see Lois, Jimmy, even Perry’s mug over his shoulder, but instead all I got was his craggy, bony face, mouth in a sharp snarl, nostrils flared, beady red eyes focused on me like there wasn’t another thing in creation.

And it was fast- that moment. Doomsday was quick, nearly as fast as I am, and that punch, I knew, I told myself this was it. I had to hit him, hit him with everything, because this was the last punch I was ever going to be able to throw. And up to the end, I thought I was going to collapse in exhaustion- that this was surely the end of the fight- but I thought I was going to win, that I was going to hit him just fast enough to avoid his crushing blow. And I didn’t. I remember that huge, horrible fist suddenly filling my vision as those big, bony claws gashed into my forehead. And the last, conscious thought I had was, “I’m dead. He’s going to pierce my brain.”

ID: It turns out he didn’t, but he did kill you- at least as far as medical science was concerned. Even your friend, the Martian Man

S: J’onn.

ID: Yes, J’onn Jones, he thought you were brain dead at a minimum, because he couldn’t detect any brain activity telepathically.

S: Of course, at the time, he was “pretending” to be Bloodwynd- I tease him about it, call it his “Shaft” phase. I eventually told him that, as a shapeshifting green Martian, he didn’t have to act like the most uptight white guy in the country. Of course, he countered that the most uptight white guy was either Bruce, Alfred or the Question.

ID: Alfred?

S: In-joke. Sorry. Let’s just say he’s a very English butler.

ID: Okay, so death. Boom, the monster Doomsday’s fist hits your skull.

S: My eyes close instinctively; a white, pointed explosion flashes in front of me as he makes contact. And I realize that’s it. That’s the last moment of everything. I won’t get to say goodbye to Lois; I won’t ever feel the sun; I think the last thing I’ll feel is that ground rushing up to me. I thought I could still feel the sensation of falling, falling, and after a moment I knew that must not be true, because I still felt that dizzying sensation, and I couldn’t still be falling, I had to be on the ground by now, but I still felt like I was spinning.

And I remember, slowly at first, but building, like a crescendo in a big orchestral number, that I became okay with it. I was dead, but I knew I’d saved my city, my wife, my friends, and not to romanticize it too much, but at the time, it felt like I’d saved the world, maybe everything. I’d fought the good fight, and it had claimed me, but if I had to say goodbye to everything, it wasn’t all that bad of a way to go.

You know… I’m slowly building back up to that. Examining my own mortality, I’ve really been looking towards putting my affairs, and I had no idea how many irons I had in my fires, until I tried to start sorting them all out, get them into some order that the people I leave behind could make some use of.

So I’ve really been trying. Talking to my friends, my loved ones. And it’s hard to get to that point. It’s hard to let go of life, when everything, every cell in your body is saying to you that you’re not ready to let go, that there’s life still left in you.

So I guess I’m still fighting the good fight. Monsters. Madmen. And my disease. Fighting the good fight. Trying to go out on my own steam.

ID: And right now there's no happy ending in sight- the cancer's killing you. So what's the happiest ending you can envision right now? How do you want to go out?

S: Honestly? It seems like there's always something else out there. For every time we beat back a Darkseid, or a Brainiac, a Mageddon or Imperiex comes in his wake. The worst thing about my condition is worrying that there's something coming, something worse than anything that's come, something the Earth, and my friends, need me for. It really just digs at me to think that I might not be there for them. So a happy ending would be fighting the worst thing we've ever fought, beating it, and all of us going home, and having just enough energy to make it back to Lois, curl back in my own bed. Tell her I love her, squeeze her hand one last time, and she holds my hand until it goes limp. I think that's a happy enough way to go.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

President Luthor

2009-01-26T03:20:00.000-08:00

ID: Given that America has inaugurated a new President this week, I want to talk about President Luthor.

Superman: You can imagine my elation.

ID: It’s obnoxious having to call a disgraced President that, isn’t it?

S: It was obnoxious ever having to call that disgrace President.

ID: So it’s safe to assume there’s no love lost between the two of you.

S: There was a time when Lex and I were friends; I had a lot of respect for him, and the things he was able to do- the things I thought he would do, for humanity. But he squandered all of that because of a- perceived rivalry between us. Lex’s greatest weakness

ID: His Kryptonite.

S: has always been his ego. It was always about proving he was the greatest, the best, all because his father spent so much of his youth convincing him he was worthless. But at some point, it stopped being the horrible thing that his father did to him, and became the terrible things Lex did to the world, in anger, for revenge, for spite.

ID: So you don’t think there was even a part of Lex that wanted to succeed as President?

S: Oh no- I think most of Lex really wanted to be the best President he could be, to show his father, to show himself. That's always been the rub of Lex, that he doesn't see himself as a bad person- he thinks he's a pragmatist, a hard man making the tough decisions others couldn't or wouldn't. I think deep down Lex really is mostly a good person, and he genuinely sought to help people.

But the core of Lex is rotten; time and again there's a part of him that has looked for the easy way, the expedient if morally gray way, that constantly gets him into trouble. I think on some level Lex campaigned thinking he could remake himself as Presidential, that he could bury all the hateful, insecure things in himself in the earth, hoping they could mature into something good.

ID: Are you comparing Luthor to sauerkraut?

S: I guess I am- or at least, in his conception I am. But I think pushing all those things down only made him worse-, and he eventually did what he always does.

ID: I know the League was actively against him in the campaign, giving more interviews, tacitly allowing his opponents to use your likenesses in ad spots- a few of you even came out and endorsed his opponents. So why do you think the League was unsuccessful in fighting Luthor’s election?

S: One thing Lex has always been good at is deflecting criticism. We opened up all of the League files on Luthor to the press, but he was able to paint us as elitists, and aliens, who didn’t want the people to decide for themselves, but wanted to choose their President for them. He described us as an insidious cadre of celebrities, Barbara Streisand with batarangs, or a flying George Clooney. And since he was running on a platform of technological progress, he lambasted us for not sharing our various advanced technologies with the world.

ID: Let me play devil's advocate for a moment, then...

S: Why haven't we shared our technology? There are two answers, one simple, and one complex.

ID: I'm a simple man.

S: Nuclear technology. Every technology is like a knife, a hundred peaceful uses, but you can use it to hurt people, too. Kryptonian technology is probably a hundred years ahead of human technology. The same goes for Martian. What little we have of Apokalyptian tech might be even more advanced than that. While our tech could revolutionize the world, it could also be used to destroy it. Take a teleporter. It could basically solve world hunger, reduce the cost of shipping cheap medical supplies to disaster areas- a thousand and one uses. Or it could be used to pipe a dirty bomb into the UN.

ID: If that was the simple answer

S: Yeah. The more complicated one is that we aren't engineers- myself, J'onn. We're smart, and we dabble, but we have the tech we came with. We aren't really qualified or outfitted to reproduce the technology en masse. And yes, it's true that we've got people like John Henry Irons working with us, a man far ahead of his time, but we'd need an army of Johns to be able to first reverse-engineer and then reproduce the tech. Luthor basically campaigned on the promise of an iPod with a bigger harddrive; comparatively our tech is a quantum iPod in a droplet of water.

ID: Okay- I'm not sure I entirely agree with your reasoning, there, but there's reasoning, at least (though it might have helped your case to articulate those things during the campaign). But on that note, I heard there were rumors the League considered fronting its own candidate to oppose Luthor.

S: We talked about it. sure. What it really came down to, is, I would have run against him, but I’m an alien. I’ve never been shy about the fact that I’m from another planet, but because I’m not a naturally born citizen- it’s a non-starter.

There were a lot of other names thrown around, Ollie thought about it, but of course Dinah talked him out of it, I think the quote ran, “You’re a loudmouthed idiot who never thinks about what he’s going to say before he’s said it.” Which is mostly right. I mean, he was one of the founding members of the League, but nobody remembers that, because we’d sooner forget that he was there. And I love Ollie. He’s oftentimes the voice of fallible reason, but loud and liberal as he is, he couldn’t get elected in Seattle, let alone nationally.

And Bruce thought about it. Bruce wrestled with it. I think, had everything Bruce came to find out about what Luthor did to Gotham

ID: You mean the earthquake, and the declaration that Gotham was no longer U.S. Territory- that Luthor used his technology and his influence to first cause the disaster and then exacerbate it.

S: Right. A lot of people died because of that, lost their homes, livelihoods. Even before that, Bruce was on the fence. He was willing to pit his fortune, his company, his life, against Luthor, because he understood what letting him become President meant. But what it came down to, was, if anyone started digging, and a Presidential candidate, especially a political unknown like Bruce Wayne, is always going to be vetted, by the media and their opponents, and the moment someone started digging, Bruce’s name was going to come up in connection with Batman, and the League, and probably a thousand quasi-legal things he’d done. He could out-argue Luthor on the issues, he could out-maneuver Luthor politically, he could even afford to outspend Luthor, but the one thing he couldn’t escape was the good he’d done. Still, if he’d known everything Luthor was culpable for- but he didn’t, not in time, anyway. Which is why, after Luthor was elected, Bruce canceled all his contracts with the U.S. Government. He lost billions, personally, and didn’t blink. Luthor attacking Gotham- Bruce took it personally. Unfortunately, Luthor took that personally. He murdered Vesper Fairchild and framed Bruce for it.

And of course, that was only the beginning for Lex. He made a deal with the devil- Darkseid to be specific- though I suppose he’s done that enough times that it’s not being specific enough. He harmed the government and the Presidency in a way that successfully made people forget all about Nixon.

But I guess, if I wanted to make sure people walked away with anything from it, it’s this: it’s admirable to want change. It’s important, and necessary, right, and good. But it’s also necessary to be cautious where that change is coming from, what direction it’s moving in, and the cost, financially, spiritually, and morally. Because whatever incremental progress we made under Luthor, it was not worth what it cost us.

ID: That almost sounds like you're being critical of this new administration.

S: No. Sorry, I'm not Fox News- I don't report disaster or failure until it's actually happened. But there are certainly parallels in their rhetoric. And I don't know Barrack the way I know Lex- and I hope, aside from a taste for the future in their speeches, the men are completely different. But it's a good lesson to keep in mind, especially when a President is a relative unknown, because it's as much the duty of the people as it is of the Congress and Supreme Court to act as a check and balance on a President. We give him a four year grace period, but after that, if he hasn't been true to his word, we find someone better for the job.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section to the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

It's a Plane

2009-01-19T05:55:00.000-08:00

S: I’m actually a little talked out from that last speech.

ID: Yeah, I thought that might happen, so I came prepared to start over.

S: Oh no.

ID: Yep. Origin story. Well, sort of. I want to talk about your first “appearance,” as it were. Do you need me to refresh your memory, or

S: The plane, yeah.

ID: My first question’s kind of easy- you weren’t a superhero, then. There really wasn’t such a thing as superheroes, really. So what was with the long underwear?

S: The cape was actually a red cloak, one of the family heirlooms my parents sent me to Earth with, wrapped in, like a blanket, with the family crest on the back in gold.

ID: So your father sent his only begotten son in swaddling cloth to watch over humanity...

S: Don't even start with that. It's not funny.

Anyway, as a kid, I was never any kind of a “Superboy,” so I didn’t have a costume or anything- I mean, I’d help people sometimes, but it was always about flying below the radar and trying to blend in and go back to being normal after that- which, now that I think on it, probably didn’t work so well. I mean, my hometown was a small, small town, where everybody knew your name, your daddy’s name, and what he did for a living. I imagine a lot of folks knew who I was back then, but bless them nobody ever said a word- even years later, when I imagine there would have been some big tabloid dollars for their stories. But college was really where I got my footing. My senses kept expanding, just as my other abilities did, and it got to a point where there was no avoiding the fact that I had to use what I could do to help people.

Well Lana, a, uh, friend from back then, one time, eating dinner with us back at the farm, accidentally let slip about some of my do-gooding, and mom couldn’t let it go. I think she’d been watching too many sci-fi shows, and decided I needed some kind of a policeman uniform- only far less conservative. And it was just incredibly sweet of her, but she sewed me this costume, using the red and gold from the blanket, and adding in blue, I think because she wanted to make sure I seemed patriotic and noble to the people I met, to help them trust me- and blue is of course the classic police uniform color. Of course, I didn’t wear it- I mean, it was kind of silly. But it was also sweet, and I kept it, all through college. It was really hard to explain to girls uh, friends, when they’d see it hanging in my dormroom closet.

But when I graduated, I got hired on to work at the Daily Planet in Metropolis. I attended this get-to-know-you luncheon, and shook hands with everybody. Perry White was just one of those terse but friendly old-reporter-types you sometimes run into in the business, you know, guys who grew up with ink on their fingers. Jimmy didn’t work there at the time, but I think his uncle or cousin, something, did, though he was kind of a useless drunk by then. He’d hire on freelance photographers, pretty girls if he could find them, and skim part of the fee off their photos while passing them off to Perry as his own work. But I got to meet Lois, and we talked for all of three minutes, during which time she came up with no less than five diminutive nicknames for me, all based roughly around my hometown.

But the next day I was settling into my apartment. I heard the first boom of this experimental jet, different from a normal jet, and that got me to the window. Then I heard the second boom, and saw the wing strut tear. I knew, I knew I couldn’t just fly out of my window as Clark Kent, but it’s not like I lived above a costume shop, or even had kept my graduation robes (I rented them), but on top of my clothes box, folded very neatly, was that uniform mom sewed with a note pinned to the chest that said, “Wear it with pride, Mom”. And I glanced out the window again, and the plane was already going down- I didn’t have time for modesty. I dressed and leapt out the window. I managed to set the plane down safely, and there was a moment where Lois caught my eyes through one of the windows, and the look she gave me, it’s the look every man wants to get, it’s admiration, and intrigue, and affection with a hint of lust beneath. At that moment I realized what that look might do to me in my skintight uniform, so I flew away.

But the most embarrassing thing was I got back to the apartment, my heart racing, as much from seeing Lois look at me that way as from saving an experimental plane-load of reporters, and I looked down, and the note, from my mother, “Wear it with pride, Mom,” was still pinned to my chest. Can you think of anything worse?

ID: I guess your pants could have come down.

S: “Flasher saves Plane.” Barry and Wally would have had to use different names. Maybe Lightningmen or something. But sure enough, the next day, blurry pictures of me in my mom’s science fiction police uniform were on the front page of every paper in the city. And Lana showed up at my apartment, with a copy of the front page, her sewing kit and the biggest grin on her face. This was before she became a famous fashion designer, but she said if I was determined to spend my time in garish clothing, at least it could be professionally sewn. And, you know, after Lana had taken a whack at it, I sort of, liked the design my mom had come up with, and, I suppose, truth be told, I liked the way it had made Lois look at me.

ID: That explains most of it, actually, but what about the glasses?

S: The glasses were mom’s idea, too. She wore glasses, and… well, I knew I’d messed up. I mean, I worked with Lois, and she was bound to recognize my face. I could comb my hair differently, but what else was I going to do? Wear a mask into the office. Cake on make-up? Glasses were the best solution we could think of, and I started with these just ridiculous Coke-bottle lenses that made me look like a mole. I figured between those and steering clear of Lois, that would be enough, at least until her fascination with her “Superman” ended. But of course I never took into account that she’d fall in love with him, or that I’d fall in love with her. The best laid plans, and all that. Still, for all of the self-consciousness, and silliness throughout the years, I wouldn't change any of it, because, I'm proud of how everything has turned out, and happy with the life I've got.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section to the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Truth, Justice, and the American Way

2009-01-12T02:51:00.000-08:00

ID: I know this is my interview, but, frankly, I don’t feel comfortable controlling it. This feels like Frost/Nixon, but I don’t think I’m up to really being Frost.

S: Which is good because I don’t think my Nixon is ready for prime time.

ID: But what I mean is, this is potentially the last interview for the Last Son of Krypton. I’m okay with being here to keep it objective, and provide the human perspective, but really, I’m interested in what you want to say. Because I think there’s a reason you came to me- I’m a relative unknown, and I’m not your wife and I’m not your alter ego, either. You wanted someone fresh and… well, as unbiased as a person can get talking to Superman.

S: Okay, well, first off, I’ve never been comfortable with that name. I know Lois had the best of intentions, and I guess a man who can fly is likely to get some appellations regarding his metahuman abilities, but I’ve never really felt “super.”

ID: In fairness to your wife, we should note that you were already wearing a big “S” on your shirt.

S: Well, it is and it isn’t. It’s my family’s crest. On Krypton, it’s, and I say this while cringing a bit, but it’s the symbol for hope. I come from a long line of scientists and leaders, and at some point, that family tradition became part of the crest. But super… I’ve always felt that implied that other people were less than me. And I’ve never been comfortable with that.

ID: So you don’t feel, being a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, married to probably the hottest Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, with the strength to huck the Earth into the sun… none of that ever makes you feel greater than any other human being?

S: No. Because my parents taught me that the value of a human being isn’t in the gifts they were given, it’s not even in the things they’ve been able to accomplish- it’s in their potential. I tried to live up to my potential, which I understand is maybe more potent than some, but any random person you run into on the street- they could be the one who cures cancer, and saves more lives than I ever will; it might not even be a scientific breakthrough they pioneer, it could just be a small genetic mutation they carry that affords us a cure. Or if you want to stick with the metahuman angle, I’ve learned through the years that just because someone is, if you’ll pardon the term, normal, today, it doesn’t mean they won’t be growing to the size of skyscrapers and kicking parademons in the crotch by next summer. The world is not a snapshot of this moment. It’s this moment, and everything this moment and its momentum are building towards.

ID: A sentiment befitting the Man of Tomorrow.

S: I’ve often been said to be a proponent of “truth, justice and the American way.” Truth, I believe in above everything but my family’s safety; it’s the only reason I have for misleading people about Clark Kent, and while it’s a lie I’ve always regretted, it’s one that was necessary, and given the opportunity I’d do it all over again, because Lois, and my parents, it’s kept them safe. Justice… that’s a concept too big even for a Superman, even for the ideal I know others placed on my shoulders. I tried to be just, and that’s all I can really say about it. But the American way is something I’ve struggled with, especially in the last few years. There was a time when I thought I’d get to be a beacon forever, which might have been youthful exuberance, but I relished the idea of trying to show a country I dearly love, that I came to see as my home, the example my parents had given me. And it's an adjustment, recognizing your own impending mortality, that there are things you'll leave unfinished, goals and dreams unfulfilled. But I think I'm getting away from myself... what I was getting at is America's had a rough patch lately.

ID: That's being diplomatic.

S: And I hate to betray even a little of my politics, but I think America can and should be Reagan’s City on a Hill- and I say that because we were. We were the measuring stick to which every nation, every society, pressed its best and brightest. We weren’t always right, but we always tried to be right.

And it seems like lately, we’ve been content to be profitable and safe. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be those things, it’s just not enough. America means more than that. And because I’ve been so tied to the soul of this nation, usually to my benefit, our country’s problems in the last decade hurt me personally. The world doesn’t look up to America they way it used to, and people have lost the twinkle in their eye when they wonder if that thing in the sky is a bird or a plane.

But that isn't an epitaph, or a eulogy. The headline here isn't, “Superman Loses Faith in America.” We’re a good nation, a good people. But we should be great. We can still be great. I believe in my heart we will be great again… I just don’t know that I’ll be alive to see it. And more than just about anything, that is what sucks about dying.

Maybe it's a new day dawning already. We elected a black man president. I remember talking to my wife at the beginning of the primaries; she was an ardent Hillary supporter, as her Planet blog attests. I remember the conversation we had, then. I thought that, because Hillary was who she was, because America so fondly remembered the Clinton years, that she might be able to be the first woman president, probably years ahead of her time. We both thought Colin Powell, pre-UN/WMD scandal, was the only African American who could do the same- and I came to that conclusion heavily, because I liked a lot of what Obama had to say. I mean, remember what my family crest means- hope isn't just a buzzword to me. So his election, and impending inauguration, that means something for America.

So I hope I've seen the sun rise, I hope that things are taking a turn, and I pray things turn out well. When they do, remember to enjoy the sun for me.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section to the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Intro

2009-01-05T04:43:00.000-08:00

ID: All right. I’m sitting down with the very legendary Man of Steel for a series of interviews. Because of the sensitivity of this story, I’m going to be withholding my name from the byline until the interviews are completed; I’ll just be signing ID. I'm recording this solely for the purposes of transcribing-

Superman: I’m a reporter. I know how this is done. Let’s just get on with it.

ID: Right. Sorry. Just like Adam West, right to the point. You know what the hell you’re doing.

S: I didn’t know you knew Adam.

ID: I got a chance to interview him. Really excellent guy- and just as cool as I thought he’d be- maybe cooler. But before we get any deeper, do you want to tell people why you’re doing this? I mean, right now, why you’re conducting a no-holds barred interview when for years you’ve really only done fluff pieces with, ahem, Clark Kent and Lois Lane.

S: Okay. Moment of truth,

ID: justice and the American way

S: Are you going to crack jokes the entire interview, or are you done?

ID: Sorry. Attempting to break the tension.

S: Yeah, well, consider it unbreakable supertension and move on. The reason I’m giving this interview is I’m dying. As a lot of you are probably aware, my abilities are roughly solar based. Apparently, Kryptonian skin cells can have the same reaction to too much sun as human skin cells; I have skin cancer. The irony, of course, is that it’s a fairly curable form of cancer in humans; however, my particular physiology makes it virtually impossible to treat. Obviously we can’t just cut it out. I tried chemo and all it gave me was extremely foul gas- so bad Krypto wouldn’t go near me for a month, and Lois made me sleep outside.

ID: Lois?

S: Yeah. We talked it over, talked with my parents. We might have been able to pretend both men disappeared mysteriously after Doomsday, but a second time? No. I’m, I can’t believe I’m saying this out loud to a reporter, but I’m married Lois Lane.

ID: And that means you are

S: Clark Kent, that’s right.

ID: And your parents are

S: In Kansas. I’m not going to broadcast too much about them, just because they’re humble, private folks. They don’t want to become a tourist attraction.

ID: Okay, but I want to talk about the cancer a little more. You’re a founding member of the Justice League, and in your rolodex you’ve got probably the hundred smartest people, magicians, and access to the most advanced technology in the world- maybe the universe.

S: Yeah. And I feel like an ass about that, actually. If Perry [White] got lung cancer, or Jimmy [Olson] had trouble with his prostate… but I guess those are the perks of saving the world, the best and brightest of the world take a shot at saving you when your chips are down. And they all have taken their shot; I can’t believe it’s something we haven’t gotten together to attempt before, actually. I mean, if you added up all of the smaller disasters, you know, the ones that weren’t out and out world-killers, you’d have fewer lives saved than the amount lost to cancer, but we had all this brilliance and power, and we never thought… I hate having regrets. I really always tried to live in a way where I didn’t, where I wasn’t second-guessing, because there was always a reason things didn’t come out for the best, some ideal I was stretching for, even if I didn’t reach it. But as it turns out, all of our tech, Kryptonian, Martian, even a little Apokalyptian, and even with everything we’ve ever gotten from Cadmus, and S.T.A.R. and Wayne… we couldn’t cure cancer.

ID: I kind of understand that, but how is it the magicians couldn’t just say, “Recnac eerf” and it’s done.

S: Apparently, it’s not that simple. If they could wave their wands, I mean, there are a lot of white wizards in our world, they’d have wiped out cancer, and AIDS, and every other disease and ailment known to man. I mean, there are theories, most of which honestly went over my head, that maybe cancer is in part controlled by the Lords of Chaos, or that perhaps there are opposing forces preventing them from fighting cancer on the other side- but the bottom line is the League took their absolute best shot, and so far it hasn’t paid off.

ID: So far?

S: Well you know the League- never knew a cause they could walk away from, so it’s all still ongoing. Batman seems to be taking it the hardest, and when Bruce wants something, he makes it so everyone wants what he wants. He’s dumped at least a billion dollars into various cancer research projects, some of them in his company, some of them not; he even put $175 million into a Luthor project that

ID: Are you aware you called him “Bruce?”

S: I

ID: Did you just out the Batman?

(silence)

S: Oh come on! Like anyone didn’t know Bruce Wayne was Batman! The man has bought half a billion dollars of space stations for the Justice League. He’s bought- and crashed- more fighter jets than Iran. How many multi-billionaires who are 6’1” with lantern-jaws who are in terrific shape are there in Gotham? Come on. I mean, combine that with the fact that everybody sees the direction Batman drives when he leaves town- it’s not like he’s driving so fast you can’t see the direction he’s traveling. I mean, come on. I’m sure he’ll be all kinds of pissed off about this- he’ll probably brood for a while.

ID: I think that might be a good place to end this first session. Off the record, do you think he’ll sue to keep that quiet?

S: Off the record nothing. No. Bruce is a good guy. He gets that if you sue innocent people, all you’re doing is bullying them with money. And bullying, well, at least bullying innocent people, isn’t him. So no. If it were Luthor, or Dale the Whale from Monk, then yeah, absolutely; I love Monk- the characters could practically like in our world, you know. In fact, Lex might sue just for that little name-drop. But if Luthor’s lawyers get at you, just use the name I. W. MORHAS; it stands for I was my own red-headed Australian stepchild- he’ll know exactly who you mean and it’ll piss him off- which it should. Come on, Lex, admit it- you faked your own death and came back as your own red-headed stepchild- admit you stole that off a daytime soap.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section to the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email.