Snowfall

Superman: We had the first snow of the, well, I guess not year and not quite winter yet, but of this cold season; that doesn’t sound right, either, because it’s not that cold season, the illness kind, but the temperature one.

Irreconcilable Dictions: It snowed, we got it.

S: Right. But that point, the one I’m still groping for, is that I was cold. Not just that seeing your breath, maybe I should have put on a hoodie cold, but the feel it in your bones cold, the way my great aunt used to say she was cold, no matter how many blankets you put on her, she couldn’t stay warm, because the cold was in her bones.

I’m not, I’m not thinking clearly right now; I’ve had a headache the better part of the week, though it’s a bit more acute right now.

ID: So you decided to finally come record this week’s segment when you were at your absolute least useful.

S: Hmm. That actually annoys you. You put up a good front of affrontation, but very little actually irritates you. But this, you take this interview seriously, don’t you?

ID: All evidence to the contrary?

S: I know, now that I’ve called you on it, it’s natural to want to pull back, to become even more evasive and cold. I don’t think, you don’t just spend hours on end week after week talking and discussing with someone without growing attached to them. I’d be lying if I said we weren’t, I don’t know, friends might be much, since I have trouble seeing you holding my hand in a hospital room, but I think there’s some kind of a respect and affection there. Hell, I wouldn’t have approached you in the first place if I didn’t hold some respect for you on a professional level

ID: Respect which I have tried, systematically, to undermine since you introduced yourself to me.

S: You both have and you haven’t. I think for all the world you wanted to play it both ways, give me my Frost/Nixon grilling while giving me a forum to express myself; I think at times you willfully denigrated yourself, personally and professionally, to make sure I came out the cleaner of the two of us.

ID: To level with you? The work is important; this is, for parts of the public, your last will and testament. Given everything you’ve done in your life, it’s a responsibility for both of us to do this right.

And I never thought you’d go fishing for it, but of course I respect you- in the same vein I respect soldiers and firemen and police. I know you work and you sacrifice for the good of a lot of people. And I know that I’m a writer, that there’s some sacrifice but that mostly I’ve chosen to do what I love, and the fact that the stories I tell and the light I shed is a byproduct of that fairly selfish decision, it’s ancillary and even unintended.

So yes, coming into the interview, of course I respected you, and of course, by virtue of who you are, of course I bore some residual affection for you. But I think you give me too much of a pass, that I have a bit too much of that wholly American sense of iconoclasm: we love our stars, our celebrities, or heroes- but we love their destruction more.

And journalistically, I’ve never set out to treat you any differently than any of my other interview subjects. I have; I’m still objective enough to recognize my bias, at least some of the time, but I hope on balance that I’ve shot as straight down the middle as possible.

S: I notice you sidestepped the important point: namely, that over the course of this last year, I’ve grown fond of you. And you don’t have to say you reciprocate, and I wouldn’t take it personally if you didn’t.

You have been a pain, in my backside and elsewhere, a perpetual thorn in my palm and my side. But I’ll miss you.

ID: Do you think it’s time for that? Time to say goodbye?

S: It’s never too early to say goodbye. I just always hope that it’s not for the last time.

ID: And I’d like to end there, it’s, too pretty not to, but I have to ask, I have to know. Has something changed? A new test result, do you feel differently?

S: No. And I think that’s the problem. Nothing has changed. I continue to decline at a predictable rate. I’m cold. And I’m tired. And I don’t want my last thoughts to be about how my pride prevented me from saying goodbye one last time. So goodbye.

ID: Goodbye.

(pause)

Wait. I’ll see you next week.

S: I sincerely hope so.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Thanksgiving

Superman: At this time of year, and specifically at what may very well be the end of my life, I think it’s important to take stock of the things that I have, the things I’m thankful for.

ID: I may just nap through this, listen to it later. Don’t be offended. I was probably at an all-night orgy last night or something.

S: The depths of your empathy never cease to amaze me. But that’s a good place to start. I’m thankful for empathy. And so many people have empathized. Ever since I admitted to being Clark Kent and having cancer, people have sent really touching letters to my office at the Daily Planet. And people who see me in the streets when I get recognized, they’ll nod and smile, a few of them hug me. So many people have expended so much empathy on my behalf… and as much of a jerk as you try to be, I know that, deep down, you’ve actually behaved yourself for my benefit. Mostly.

ID: (snoring- possibly fake- though I’ll never tell).

S: Should have seen that coming.

ID: Why, do you have some kind of seeing things coming power you’d never divulged; no, wait, you couldn’t, or you wouldn’t have picked me to conduct this interview.

S: And, he’s back to pretending to be asleep. Wonderful. Some of this feels odd, like this isn’t a conversation I should be having in front of an audience, but I think it’s one thing to appreciate people in a small, personal way, and I think it’s entirely another to state, in public and on the record, that you care about and appreciate someone in your life.

So of course, I’m thankful for Lois. I shudder to think of the man I’d be without her. I mean that.

I’m thankful for my mother and father. Between them, the three of them, they account for ninety percent of what I think people have admired me for.

I’m thankful for true friends; and that includes those still too proud to admit it, and those who recently have come to terms with it. I’ve really been lucky; I’ve had a lot of love in my life. I know I haven’t always deserved it, but I’ve tried my whole life to earn it.

Mostly, though, I’m thankful for people, and maybe I’m rehashing empathy, here, but people really have restored my faith in humanity. Like after September 11th, everyone’s just proven the innate capacity for good, for kindness. I just hope, I hope someday there’s a world good enough for people to lower their guard, lay down their defenses, and just be that kind to everyone. To know that I was even alive during a part of that, or the build up to that, thinking that, hoping that, I could die happy tomorrow.

ID: Um, I’ll try to broach this carefully, but you spent the holiday in a bed.

S: Yeah. I don’t want to keep beating a dead horse, but I spent Thanksgiving in the hospital. I collapsed. I don’t think it was anything, and I tried to tell my mom to just give me a rain check; but instead she flew a bunch of the family out to Metropolis. They took over the apartment on Thanksgiving, driving Lois up onto the ceiling, and brought everything into my room, a big, plump turkey, creamy mashed potatoes with gravey, stuffing, biscuits, salad, deviled eggs... just talking about all that food actually makes my stomach feel full.

But I wasn’t, I’m not trying to pull for sympathy. My point is after food, and festivities, the conversation, since we were in a hospital room, turned political. We started discussing the health reform bill. And I was struck by the ignorance and fear; and I don’t say that to disparage my friends or my family, because I think they are all thoughtful and intelligent people. But the rhetoric is so pervasive out there that it’s hard to know what’s actually going on. And these were people I loved, so I didn’t try to correct everything, but the more egregious things- but it was probably our last Thanksgiving, and I didn’t want things to turn petty or ugly, as politics so often can.

I’m not asking for politicians not to frame issues in a sympathetic light, or not to promote their agendas; but I am saying that politicians of all stripes should honor the service they do for their country by telling the people, their citizenry, the truth. If you want smaller government and lower taxes, say that. If you think that a more robust government that does more for the people that might not otherwise get done- well, say that. These decisions we’re making are important, life-changing ones, and it’s important we look at them soberly and sincerely, that we act in genuine good faith for every American.

ID: You sound like you’re running for office.

S: If I weren’t dying and an alien- maybe I would.

ID: Okay, well, I know that’s a shorter session than usual, but your nursewife has been giving me the evil eye from your kitchen ever since I hit “record.”

S: Oh, she does that. There’ve been several times over the years when I’ve wondered if she’s got some kind of telepathic ability, but she can get me to do anything if she glares long and hard enough.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Liberal Bias

Superman: I’ve taken some flack after last week’s interview.

Ignoble Dignitary: Of course. Please tell me that doesn’t surprise you.

S: No, but what did surprise me is how many people seemed to think I crossed a line, when after rereading my comments I think I struck a good balance, frankly. I was pissed off, and it certainly showed, but I don’t think I said anything I’d regret saying to an elected official of either stripe. Republicans have been relying on fear-based politics since at least September 11th; Democrats seem to adhere to the idea of politics as a gentleman’s game that effectively castrates their ability to govern barring supermajorities.

To put it into terms I’m perhaps more expert in: I’ve read a lot of speculation about what motivates a vigilante. And I’ll admit it can all be hard to reconcile. The idea of going it your own way, bucking the system, including the government-operated police force, that’s a very conservative action; especially when you’re protecting the status quo. But when you then take that and do it for a large swath of people, sharing with people the strengths and abilities you possess when they may not have been able to help themselves out of the situation, that’s a very progressive action. Personally, I’ve never had any problem with these two sometimes contradictory, sometimes complementary ideas, because I’m a moderate. But I also know liberal and conservative vigilantes as well, and I don’t think very many of them struggle with what is a background ideological question: they want to make a difference, and everything else is secondary.

But I think it also underscores an important dichotomy in this country, something that in the current polarized climate we lose. The struggle between certain aspects of our political poles is good. Our government and our nation works best when there’s a tug-of-war between big ideas and fiscal responsibility.

One of the big issues I take with the modern Republican party is they’re no longer for fiscal responsibility. They’ve become the party of tax cuts. If we want to pay less in taxes and have a smaller government, that’s a conversation we as a nation can have, but their plan lately has been to cut taxes without cutting expenses and let future generations pick up the tab. That’s why when they complain about a bailout they helped engineer, and a stimulus package they refused to participate in, both of which economists of all political stripes agree have helped soften the current economic crisis, I have trouble taking them seriously.

I have legitimate concerns about the way that the bailout and stimulus were carried out, but if Republicans wanted things done differently, they could have- no, they should have, participated in the process and done what they could to steer either in a direction they wanted.

ID: Like they’re doing with the health reform debate now?

S: No. I don’t mean screaming at the top of their lungs about half-truths and made-up concerns, nor making a half-hearted offer at an alternative bill, I mean actually legislating. Republicans say they’d rather have an incremental bill rather than the one Reid has written. If they were willing to bargain in good faith, they could very well get concessions from the Democratic majority; realistically, the Democrats don’t want to be hung out on a limb for this: it’s already slow to implement, and half of them could very well be out of office by the time Americans feel the effects of the bill. Of course, assuming the Republicans were willing to play ball, the problem with incrementalism is that tomorrow never comes.

ID: That was either deep or you were speaking like a politician.

S: Somewhere in between, I think. But just like cuts to Medicare doctors that are postponed every year by Congress without fail, painful but necessary reforms to the rest of healthcare could just be postponed indefinitely.

Um, on the subject of things I got chewed out over, there were also some women, my wife included, who took issue with me on the revised mammogram and pap smear guidelines. I wasn’t endorsing the findings, and I might even say we should get a second opinion, because I understand, as someone whose mother was diagnosed early with cervical cancer and survived, how important early screening can be; all I was trying to say is we don’t want politicians deciding who gets what treatment based on what criteria. That decision should be left to doctors and scientists who are experts in their fields, and use the best of their professional judgment to set guidelines; I don’t want to make that call any more than I think politicians should.

And I hate to turn this interview into a blog, but I have a quote I’d like to throw in there, from somebody who’s actually read the bill: “This year’s health reform legislation has often been criticized for being health insurance reform rather than health care reform, and for not doing enough to control the cost of health care. Those who offer these criticisms have obviously not read the bills or even tried to understand them.” And that’s my problem with the current Republican party in a nutshell: they criticize without understanding, to the sole purpose of elevating themselves.

And I want to clarify that I mean the Republican party leadership, and those who claim to speak for conservatives in the country. I don’t doubt the good will of a third of the American people, more if you count conservative-leaning independents; but their leadership have lost their way, or as I suspect, have forsaken their way for a road more politically advantageous.

I have no real love for the Democratic Party; the Democrats fail me as often as they make me happy, but at least sometimes they have the courage to stand up and say, often to people who would buy and pay for them, that there is an injustice that they want to right. I think healthcare reform is one of those fights, and I’m not endorsing every action they’ve taken, I’m not endorsing their outcome, but just the fact that they stood up to do something that matters for the American people, at the quite real cost of their power- that takes a kind of bravery. My disgust with some of the opposition’s rhetoric notwithstanding, supporting and applauding that bravery was the point I was trying to make.

ID: You claim to be a moderate, but everyone knows you’re a reporter. That makes you a socialist, by definition.

I assume you’re talking about the supposed liberal bias in the media. Look, I’ll admit I have a slight liberal leaning, and most reporters I know do, too. But we also have journalistic ethics, and believe in trying to tell the story the truest way possible. We take our role in society, that of informing our fellow citizens, very seriously. But for all of the talk of liberal bias, the fact of the matter is, most media owners and management have a conservative bias. The end result isn’t a perfect balance, but rather a mish-mash of competing biases and influences, self-censorship and subjects that never get fully fleshed out. But it’s wholly dishonest to say the media is liberally biased, because it’s much, much more complicated than that.

Besides, the most pervasive bias in the media has nothing to do with politics, and everything to do with that other “P” word: profit. Media outlets usually have parent companies, and those parent companies don’t want their affiliates, or companies they work for, shown in a bad light. And since most of their competitors own media outlets, there’s the added worry of starting a media shooting war. And that says nothing of the dread of offending advertisers and sponsors. Bias in our media by reporters acting in good faith has much more to do with removing potentially offending reportage than adding controversial material.

Care to note any of those journalists not acting in good faith?

I wasn’t looking to, actually; I don’t want this to become a partisan eye-poking match. But the most recent example, and I don’t want to claim Sean Hannity is a journalist, because I think it’s fairly clear that he’s a commentator, but that’s the distinction. True bias usually comes from commentators, not journalists. But Hannity used several month old footage of a rally spliced in with footage of a rally that took place a few weeks ago, and claimed that 40,000 rather than 10,000 people showed up. That’s certainly an extreme example, but partisan reporting is very destructive, because it undermines trust, not just in the media, but in our fellow man. When we start doubting each other, we start devolving into paranoia.

That’s one of the reasons I really like NPR and Public Broadcasting. NPR is one of the more unbiased places to find information in the country. One of their smartest political analysts is Juan Williams, who also comments for Fox News, but you’d hardly know that from his reporting, because he’s a pretty consummate professional. I’m sure everyone at NPR has their own ideas, but NPR really does the best job I’ve seen of keeping its allegiances close to the vest.

Another useful news source is the BBC. They’re certainly a bit more liberally-biased than, say, CNN, but they’re also less US-biased, so you really get to see how the rest of the world looks at us. Not in the “Death to America” fanatical circles, but how steadfast but honest allies view the actions we take. I think it’s an important, indispensable perspective.

So you’re saying we should export all of our reporting jobs oversees, then?

Of course not. I’m saying that independent voices are invaluable. And in the current climate it’s difficult to have truly independent voices in a professional context. That’s why we’re on the internet now, and on an independent blog, because no matter where we went, whether it was Fox News or the Huggington Post, there were going to be editorial and advertising concerns trying to dictate content, and format, maybe even deciding what we could say and where.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Boobs

Superman: I’m a Democrat.

Impractical Dirigibles: Usually I have to poke you with questions, badger and threaten and once blackmail, to get you to reveal potentially aliening information. What gives?

S: I’ve always tried to retain a balanced, independent view of American politics; even when that failed, I always tried not to let my own thoughts or even leanings leak out. I know that certain people respect me, but I didn’t want to try to capitalize on that. I think, and maybe this comes from my parents, but that America is at its strongest when all of its citizens are thinking clearly for themselves.

ID: Pretty. But might I point out that that’s never actually happened.

S: Maybe not. But I didn’t want to become a part of the noise that’s corrupting independent thought, that parrots talking points as if they actually meant anything, that misuses statistics and science and weaves together misinformation and lies to manipulate people.

ID: So you were afraid of being somebody’s Sammy Davis, Jr.

S: In a nutshell, yeah. He voted democrat most of his life, but one back-scratching endorsement of Nixon later and he’s suddenly the poster-child for the Republican’s minority constituency.

ID: So you were worried about being the Democrat’s token alien, part of their big-tent strategy to go after extraterrestrials? Or were you just worried about them parlaying that into all aliens, such as illegal Mexican immigrants?

S: All joking aside, I don’t like politicking. I think politics is supremely important, but I don’t like how either party panders, how fast and loose they play with the truth. Even when I fully agree with a politician I often find myself disgusted with their methods.

ID: So why are you disgusted but fully agreeing with the Democrats now?

S: This particular week, you mean? Because of two cancer-screening suggestions that have come out recently. First, the United States Preventive Services Task Force revised guidelines for mammography, saying regular checks should begin at 50 rather than 40y, and should be done biannually rather than annually. Second, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists changed the recommendation for pap smears from annually to biannually.

The appropriate response for both parties should have been that they welcome any scientific evidence that will help American healthcare become more efficient and positively effect their constituents’ health and well-being. That’s it. They don’t need to endorse or deny the suggestions, because we do not want politicians battling scientists and doctors over control of our healthcare.

Instead, the fear-based, eternally-campaigning Republicans went on the offensive, and I mean that in both senses of the word, and used the nonbinding advice to drum up more fear about “rationing.” The embattled Democrats were of course forced to respond by saying that they disagree with the science, and won’t let it affect healthcare coverage. Both sides are acting like children, but in this case, the Republicans started it.

And they usually start it. The Republicans are consummate politicians, constantly on the attack, constantly fighting to preserve party unity and stamp out independent thought.

But rationing healthcare is a special case. Because healthcare is a limited commodity, it will always be rationed. We’ve been fortunate, in that our relative economic plenty has meant that the rationing isn’t always visible, but it exists, and at current it is controlled by insurance companies. It’s flatly stupid to complain about government rationing when corporate rationing is the status quo. If that’s the only opposition you have, then you effectively have no grounds for opposition at all; you’re simply obstructing for the sake of political posturing.

Now if my choices are between Democrats who don’t always have the courage of their convictions, or Republicans whose only convictions seem to be the preservation of their own power, well, that’s a pretty easy choice to make.

ID: This all reminds me a bit of Jon Stewart’s interview with Lou Dobbs on the Daily Show.

S: I love Lou Dobbs. He’s Wrong, with a capital “W” on many if not most things, but he’s reasonable, rational. He’ll discuss with you why he’s Wrong, and why he thinks you’re wrong. I think his ideas are at this point coming from a slightly bent to the right curve, and thus don’t always conform to the strict by the facts ideology he sets out for himself, but at least you can follow his line of reasoning.

And it’s a shame to see him leaving CNN. I sincerely hope he doesn’t end up some place like Fox News, because while I think he’s sort of left the reservation, I think Fox, rather than letting him be the voice of reason, would encourage his fringer leanings, and we’d lose what’s useful of his voice in the national conversation.

ID: Could I get you to agree that Republicans are acting like boobs? It would actually help synthesize the two subjects under one title.

S: (sigh). Yes. Republicans are acting like boobs. So that would make you a Republican, right?

ID: Ooh, soiled by my own hubris.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Veterans

Infiltrating Deltas: I’d heard talk of Congress contemplating the creation of a Superman Day, recently. They were thinking of using the day you originally succumbed to your injuries fighting Doomsday, to honor heroes like yourself, those who fell in the line of duty and those who served, and those who fell. And I also hear you delivered a statement, in writing for obvious reasons, about why you thought that was a bad idea. Why?

Superman: Okay, my argument was two-pronged, actually. First, I wouldn’t want it called Superman Day, or to celebrate my death. I’m, as a symbol, too small for something like that. If anything, it could be called Justice Day, and celebrate the founding date of the League- or use some other day, because really, it isn’t and shouldn’t be about me.

Second, we already have a day. Granted, our observance isn’t far-reaching, and the implications are, well, I’ll stop padding it. We celebrate Veterans Day as ours, or ours with traditional military veterans, anyway. I think it’s appropriate to look at the people who do what we do in that same light.

ID: That’s… interesting. Because, knowing how you feel about war, I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about veterans.

S: Really? I didn’t think my position was all that gray. Veterans, at least in principal, lay their lives at the feet of the altar of freedom. Some are chosen as sacrifices, others walk away whole; most are damaged in ways that are hard to recognize or qualify, but bear wounds as deep as those who died. I have the utmost awe and respect for veterans, military or otherwise.

ID: Okay, see, it’s that, that caveat: “at least in principal.” What the hell does that mean?

S: You really don’t care about the big picture if you think someone’s stepped in dog crap, do you? It’s a niggling complaint I have with the way we use our military. We treat them like mercenaries; hell, in Iraq, we’ve had them fighting side by side with mercenaries. And our military, our servicemen and women, they deserve better than that. They ought to be above reproach, but when we tarnish the work they do, it lessens the value of their very real sacrifices. My qualms are with the administration of our military, not with our soldiers.

ID: That makes a degree of sense. But do you think it’s appropriate elevating vigilantes to the levels of sanctioned military veterans?

S: I think it would be inappropriate to ghettoize their sacrifice into a separate day simply because they gave their lives independent of a martial authority.

ID: So you don’t think there’s a difference? That the fact that vigilantes are breaking the law doesn’t make them unworthy of being honored side-by-side with servicepeople?

S: No. And I’m surprised to hear you even implying that line of reasoning, which is virtually the same as people who argue against gay marriage, as if the granting of civil rights to one group has ever detrimentally impacted the rights of others.

ID: Of course, you can make the argument that the loss of privilege for a favored group is understandably resisted, but that’s an argument that rhetorically is equivalent to asking “So what?” in the face of iniquity. So no separate but equal for superheroes?

S: Separate is never equal. It can’t be.

ID: I’ll forego my usual bit of race-baiting, even though there’s a part of me that’s a bit curious whether a Kansas farm boy maybe picked up any good ole boyness.

S: My father was very tolerant. And a veteran, I think you’re forgetting.

ID: That’s right, he was drafted. But do you think if your dad hadn’t been drafted, hadn’t been a

S: But he was. Drafted and a veteran. I don’t think he would have chosen to be a soldier, but that doesn’t change the fact that he recognized the sacrifice for what it was, or that he wouldn’t have sought to instill that wisdom in his son. There’s a reason they call it military service, because it is, they’re doing a service for each and every one of us.

Though I think there is sometimes a disconnect when we talk about soldiers, particularly in the modern, all-volunteer-force variety. I have all the respect in the world for the profession, but it is a profession. And the reasons people take the job are many and varied, having as much to do with lack of opportunity as a desire to do good work for a nation. And I don’t think that acknowledging that aspect, and particularly the dynamic skew it creates, with larger percentages of the poor and minorities serving, takes anything away from that service, or the sacrifice some of those soldiers end up making.

And that’s why I’m really very comfortable holding up people who do what I do on that same pedestal: because we are an all volunteer force, because few if any people get into this for any kind of personal gain, let alone financial. Most of us outlay large sums of money, for tailors, gadgets, whatever.

So more than anything, I hold both groups in extremely high regard. I wouldn’t put either ahead of the other. And I’m guilty as much as anyone for forgetting every day how important that work is, how safe I am, and my family is, because of what they do.

And on days like Veterans Day, I try to make that effort to let them know just how much that service means to me, how truly and deeply I respect them. I try to honor them; it’s the least I could conscionably do.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Halloween

ID: Okay, Halloween is a big time for people in costume, so what were you up to this year?

S: Lois actually had a Batwoman costume custom-made this year.

ID: Batwoman? Now that is kinky.

S: I don’t follow.

ID: Well, on the one hand, the current Batwoman is, I believe, a lesbian, so it plays into that straight man with a curvy woman fantasy, and it also means next time you see Bruce you’ll have a weird imprint of disrobing the feminine version of his namesake in your brain. Man, a Superman/Batwoman sextape would sell like hot hot hot cakes. If you want, I could produce- I mean, I’m no Sleez but I do happen to know my way around an HD camera.

S: You think I wore my own costume for Halloween?

ID: You didn’t?

S: Nope. I went as Deadman. I figured, since you can see my ribs poking out, and my skins taken on this pale hue- I figured I could pull it off. Plus there’s the whole macabre joke about me being a dead man.

ID: That is dark. Did Lois laugh?

S: Not at first. But I kept doing my Boston Brand imitation all night long, and frankly, it sounds a bit like Warwick Davis from the Leprechaun movies, and by the end of the night I’d just started rolling with that and introducing myself by saying, “I’m the Leprechaun.”

ID: That’s, um, that’s actually not much like Warwick Davis at all. That’s a bad Mike Myers impression doing a bad Warwick Davis impression in Wayne’s World. And I’m actually not entirely sure what to think about the fact that you A) have seen that movie, and B) apparently quote it when drinking.

S: Hey, I was still moderately young and hip in the early nineties… or maybe Jimmy made me watch it- I don’t really know.

But I wanted to comment upon a phenomenon. I think it was last year that Plastic Man said to me that you could tell how highly regarded (or at least reviled) you were by the amount of people dressed as you at Halloween. Last year, Bruce “accidentally” forwarded a sales report on licensed costumes, detailing that Batman had outsold Superman costumes nearly 2 to 1. Granted, my survey this year isn't scientific, but judging from the sample that came to my door, it seemed I'd overtaken him by a slim margin- and that's despite not having a follow up movie last year (like he did). So yeah... I'm a little happy.

Granted, neither one of us were anywhere near the Harry Potter numbers- and I'm also a bit weirded out by the number of Harry Potter women in drag, with too-short skirts and shirts and expressions that were less-than-wholesome.

Oh, but that made me remember something I forgot last week, and you know I’ve been forgetting things more, but I remembered part of why I wanted to talk about Harry Potter. You know, I wrote a book, once. And I don’t mean Under A Yellow Sun- that barely qualifies as a novella (or literature, for that matter). I remember thinking greedily at the time that that was it, my big break, my chance to escape my own mediocrity- as Clark Kent, anyway. I mean, in the other personae, wearing the costume and being that other person who is smarter and more confident and just better than me in every way, I could do all kinds of things. But as Clark Kent, there were, and sometimes still are, days when I really did feel like the dumb, naïve hick son of a farmer out of Kansas.

ID: You’ve won a Pulitzer.

S: I know, but that doesn’t mean I felt I deserved it, or that even if I sometimes do that I don’t have moments of insecurity. But we’re not talking about that, or at least I wasn’t meaning to, my point, and you know how hard it’s getting for me to focus, is that I wrote something fictional. Maybe even literary. I’d written a novel about a teenager who one day finds out he has abilities, and then joins up with superheroes. It was very much a Harry Potter for the tights set- in fact, there’s a pretty good chance I was writing it around the same time as Rowling was writing her first Potter. But then Ja- one of the Robins passed away. And at that point I couldn’t stomach the idea of encouraging children to think about what we did in a positive light. I mean, if even one kid had got themselves hurt… I haven’t even thought about publishing it, honestly, until just now. I put it out of my mind, because the alternative, it’s too much to even think about.

I mean, I fail, regularly. There’s people I should be nicer to, some I can’t save, even problems I can’t tackle, like Perry smoking cigars, but I recognized that I would be creating failure. That it was an inevitability that children would read that book and think, “Hey, heroes are real, I should do this-” it was only a question of when something would go wrong and not if.

ID: I’m not sure what to say to any of that.

S: You don’t have to. I’m not changing my mind about the book- I’m not saying it should be published posthumously. If anything I’m saying it shouldn’t. But a small part of me just wanted it out there in the world, that the book exists. I think there’s a small part of writing that’s about being heard- not even heard clearly or understood, those are separate from it- I just wanted its existence, and maybe by extension mine, to be known. It seems stupid to say it out loud. But a story about an awkward kid with glasses, and competence no one knows about- that idea hits pretty close to home with me. I guess putting it away all this time, without acknowledging it, it was kind of like trapping that person in his awkward stage, shuttered away and unable to grow into the impressive person he was supposed to emerge as by story’s end. I guess, in a way, that’s what Halloween’s about: we all want to be something, something funnier or scarier or more heroic or even sexier, but we all want to be someone better.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Clark Kent and the Novelist’s Pen

ID NOTE: This update discusses quite a few storylines from current and ongoing movies and TV, including (but not necessarily limited to): Harry Potter, Madmen, Scrubs, House; this is the only spoiler warning you’re getting.

Inscrutable Diarist: Okay, so you left a message on my answering machine- something you wanted to talk about.

Superman: I realized something. Well wait- I’m getting ahead of myself. I finally went to see the new Harry Potter- I know, I’m stupidly late, but I’ve been busy. Anyway, it felt like a Halloweenish movie, with the witches and everything, and we finally had a moment to ourselves. And after the movie I asked Lois, who’s a huge fan of the books, about what comes next. Which of course opened a whole can of deaths and things that sound close to insanity when splashed out over the course of twenty seconds. And, intrigued, I asked how long until the last movie came out.

And that’s when Lois went white as a sheet. She managed to mumble that they’d split the last book into two movies, one in 2010 and the other in 2011. “Oh,” was all I could manage. See, I’d sort of forgotten myself; I’ve internalized my mortality enough that I thought I might be able to “wait” for a sequel next year- but at that moment I realized I couldn’t delude myself into believing that I’d see the end of the series.

Which is a roundabout way of saying I’ve finally started reading the books. Ollie and Lois have been on me about reading them since just after the first movie- but they both hated the films, and I liked them- and I wanted to continue liking them.

And I might not have come to it on my own, but I was talking to Ollie, because he’s been wanting to discuss Half-Blood Prince since he saw it at the midnight opening (really, I suppose he’d been waiting since he’d been at the midnight book opening). And it shouldn’t surprise me, because his exuberance has precedent, but he jumped on it, said, “If you want to know the ending now you’ll have to finally read the books.”

Of course, I could have always just read the Wikipedia synopsis, but I figured he was right. I thought since I can read pretty quick, and both he and Lois insisted that they’d cut out a lot from the movies, that I should start over from the beginning. And I’ve only just started, just a few pages into the first book, but so far I’m not blown away. I guess there’s just been so much hype, I mean, at least six years of it, now, that I think it would have taken something Shakespearean to really impress me like I’ve been told it would. And I’m not taking anything away from Rowling, not at all. I mean, Harry Potter, particularly that first book, from what I’ve heard, is meant as a children’s story, or at least something accessible to children. And there’s certainly something very British about the book, too, even more British even than the all-British/Irish/Scottish-cast movies.

Anyway, I’m tangentially off, um, what I was getting at is there’s all kinds of things I realized I’m going to miss out on. Lois and I have been addicted to Madmen- though admittedly for different reasons. I think she just likes staring at Jon Hamm.

ID: You know, there is more than a passing resemblance between the two of you- you know, before you lost all the weight.

S: Lost the weight? Clever. Anyway. I hate the show, and the fact that virtually all of the characters no the show are predatory and inhuman, and even at the best of times all of them are eagerly self-serving; it’s basically a misanthropic fairy tale, but there’s something about Don’s back story that, I guess because of its rural setting, it just hits close to home. I guess I can’t help but think that with a little less luck that could have been me, stuck in a home where I wasn’t wanted or even liked, and I guess every episode I go in hoping that he’ll rise above his lousy upbringing and

ID: Be you?

S: Be him. I mean, we get it in fits and spurts- the character’s got a strong base morality above and beyond what seems to be the norm for the show, but oftentimes he ignores his better instincts because he’d rather have sex with whoever’s guesting that episode.

ID: Okay. But what else are you anticipating, what else are you missing out on?

S: I’m glad I got to see House get out of the asylum. I’m not a huge fan of his character, and the show can be formulaic, but the mysteries… I guess I’m glad, too, I got to see the beginnings of post-asylum, moderately more human and gentle House. I’ve always gotten the sense that House is what would have happened to Bruce if there never was a Batman- that he would have followed in his father’s footsteps and become a doctor, and that he’d still be brilliant, but just as he does now, he’d use that brilliance to push people away. And I’m glad I got to see the “end” of Scrubs- at least to the point where JD stops being the main character, and really, that’s the end as far as anybody’s really concerned.

But it isn’t just movie and TV- although those kinds of things are always a little easier to predict. But Lana’s pregnant, which I don’t think is a secret- at least I hope not- and I found myself the other day counting up the time she has left, and thinking, “I’m not going to get to see her baby.” And it’s stupid, but when she first got pregnant, I know she talked about making me the baby’s godfather, and…

And in the League, there are a lot of engagements and wedding dates floating around. And I’m man enough to admit- maybe because for me mine was such a long time coming- but I like weddings. Seeing two people who really care about one another making that social commitment.

ID: Which brings up something, and I forget, hell, we may have talked about it at some point, but not having my notes on all previous forty-some odd conversations we’ve had, we’ll just roll with it, but I hear that there are a few gay superhero weddings in the mix- I think Question/Batwoman for one has been rumored. What are your thoughts?

S: That’s the easiest divisive question you’ve ever asked. If two people really care about one another enough to want to make that social commitment, then absolutely I want them to have that freedom. More than that, I want to stand with them when they make that declaration. It’s a beautiful thing to be a part of. And I can’t even begin to fathom how anyone could want to stand in its way.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.