Monday, February 16, 2009

Valentine

Indecent Dichotomy: I want to say something: I had no idea that this weekend was Valentine's when I asked you about Diana last week.

Superman: I figured. You must not be married.

ID: No. Why?

S: Because no married man could get away with forgetting Valentine's.

ID: Ah. But I think you availed yourself well, all things considered- and really, I feel bad about the loaded question.

S: Well, I got lucky, actually.

ID:

S: Um, not what I meant.

ID: Yet you're not denying it. (pause) You know the whole glowing eyes thing isn't very nice.

S: No, I meant I was lucky, in that your question really hit something. Lois has- well, Lois is one of the most fascinating women in the world, but it can be hard for me to remember sometimes that for all of her strength, she's still a woman.

And she sees me spending time with really fairly attractive women in phenomenal shape because of what they do, um, oftentimes wearing, um, less than a professional woman otherwise might...

ID: It feels like we should have brought your lawyer- you seem to be choosing your words rather carefully.

S: As indeed I should. But head and shoulders above any of her colleagues, Diana is a, well, wonderful woman. And apparently Lois has always been, jealous isn't the right word, exactly, but

ID: I think we get the idea.

S: Well she isn't anymore. Officially. Apparently my answers last week helped sooth her savage beast, and,

ID: You got lucky. (laughter) You're almost the same shade of red as your cape. I'm counting that as a win.

S: Now you're just trying to get me in trouble.

ID: I'm trying to get you spanked- not quite the same thing.

S: It’s not really me you have to worry about; Lois often tells me, “I know people. They’d never even find the body.” Which is entirely possible. She’s done some reporting in very dangerous parts of the world- who knows what kinds of contacts she’s made.

ID: Something to keep in mind, but Valentine’s Day. What’d the two of you get up to?

S: I assume you mean in the light of day- I think Lois and I are pretty fortunate. We’ve been together for a while, now, and in that time we’ve had a lot of reasons to celebrate. My telling her the truth about who I am, our wedding,

ID: Your resurrection

S: (sigh) if you want to call it that. I think, doing what I do, I get a lot more highs and lows than most people, more tragedy and triumph. Lois and I get a lot of reasons to to be happy. And I don’t want to say that Valentine’s is less special because of that, but it can be hard to compare to

ID: One of you coming back to life after dying to save the other.

S: Really? You’re still stuck on that? Anyway, um, we flew to Hawaii, because Lois really likes this breed of flower they have, I forget the name, but it looks kind of like a horn, and the colors change from the rim, and there’s this long stamen- I think it’s a kind of hibiscus- but we flew there and took a walk along the edge of an active volcano, Kilauea, and then we picked flowers. And there’s this little French Bistro, in Paris, on the rue St. Louis-en-lle, where we had dinner. Then we retired to the Peruvian Fortress of Solitude for the evening.

ID: So all in all, it’s good to be Superman.

S: It is; though actually I hope it’s as good to be Superman’s wife.

ID: It sounds like it. I can’t imagine finding fault with that evening. Or is there something you’re glossing over?

S: Well... we were drinking wine, and watching Grey’s Anatomy on DVD- okay, I talked her into Grey’s Anatomy- she wanted to watch Desperate Housewives, and I heard about an emergency. I told Lois I had to go, and she flicked off the TV, and started walking towards the sleeping quarters, and said she’d get comfortable, and, uh then she looked over her shoulder and said, “Don’t make me wait too long, Smallville.” Of course, you have to imagine Lois saying it, because coming from me, well, it doesn’t have the right sound. I told her I didn’t really have to go. But she knows me too well, so even though I’ve finally gotten deadpan down, she saw right through me, laughed, and pointed at the door.

And the whole time I was flying, that stuck with me, “Don’t make me wait too long.” I didn’t. It might have been a record-breaking time for ending a hijacking- even for me. (pause) What?

ID: Sorry. Too often in our profession we get hung up on the disasters, and the tragedies- it’s so rare we get to bask in the simple adoration of a husband and wife.

S: Amen to that.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.