Superman in a Dress

In Drogyny: I’ve actually wanted to talk to you about this phenomenon, it’s something a colleague of mine and I were talking about. There seems to be a real trend towards male heroes being replaced by women.

Superman: Yeah, one of our strange little, secrets not exactly the right word, but something people don’t usually talk about it.

Plastic Man brought it up some time ago in the Watchtower, actually. Of course, he squeezed himself out from between two Leaguers (it might have been Hawkgirl and Canary) and said, “In the future, there will be boobs.” Lordy, I know that look- I’ve just given you the title for this piece… [Note: He was nearly right.] Anyway, he launched into a very Seinfeldian rant about how heroines were constantly popping up in the stead of male heroes. Jade. Batwoman. The female Question, Fate, Dr. Mid-Nite, Stargirl, Wildcat, Robin, Doctor Light, Hawk and Dove- though in that instance I guess it was Dove and then Hawk, Miss Martian, Speedy, Natasha Irons. He theorized that soon enough, all of us, regardless of desire, would be captured by a new villain, probably calling himself the “Inbreastigator,” who would use a combination of the Dark Arts, plastic surgery and Martian technology to give us all breast implants.

Being him, he turned the entire thing into a commentary on heroine’s self-esteem. I’ll paraphrase: Ladies, you’re good enough to hero under your own symbol, without standing in the shadow of male heroes. But if your low self-esteem won’t allow for that, Plastic Man’s got a use for your stiletto and fishnet fetishes.

And it was Hawkgirl, because, well, the rant hit a nerve, and she tried to mace him.

ID: You mean

S: Yeah, she tried to hit him with her mace. And it was Dinah, because she screamed, and it messed with Plas long enough for Hawkgirl to get in a good, solid bash to the face. They walloped him pretty good, but of course he’s Plastic Man, so after he stopped being stunned he squeezed out from under them and said, “Ladies, please, I prefer to be on top.”

ID: So you’re saying Plastic Man is borderline the office sexual predator?

S: It’s not to that level, and I don’t think it will ever get to that point. Plastic Man is just a big kid, and he flirts at the fourth grade level. I think if he ever took it too far, Diana would wrap him in her lasso and make him tell stories about his insecurities- and fear of that, if nothing else, keeps his libido to a manageable pace. And I hate to sound stereotypical about this, but I think the women in the League, generally, enjoy it. Because it’s playful, and harmless. And I think, to an extent, that with the fate of the world sometimes hanging off our shoulders, sometimes that innocent playfulness really lets us heave a sigh of relief. I could be completely wrong, but I sincerely hope that I’m not. Honestly. If any Leaguers, past or present, have ever felt uncomfortable, please, tell me, um, actually, tell Bruce. He does a better bad cop.

ID: Okay. Well, the less funny aspect of this subject is that most of those women have subsequently been killed, injured or replaced in their respective roles, by men.

S: Yes- but I would like to inject that they often were initially taking over for deceased men, as well.

ID: Okay, but do you think that’s due to any kind of bias, or… ?

S: I’m not sure what you mean. I suppose you could say, God, or whatever kind of cosmic editor you might believe in seems to have some issues with gender equality that he’s unfortunately working out within the female heroing community; this certainly goes beyond even the women in costume to cover the women who surround us. There’s been a lot of innocent people hurt over the years, perhaps a disproportionate percent of them women.

ID: So do you think there’s something to that?

S: I’m not sure I know what you’re asking. If you mean that this is the superhero equivalent of telling a doctor your wife “fell” down the stairs- no. Unequivocally, no. We’ve all had our dark moments in the community, and I know spousal abuse can and has taken place, but there’s no institutionalized understanding about violence towards women. It’s a crime, and just like any other crime, it’s one myself and the League seek full justice for under the law.

ID: Okay. I’m, I think I might be putting this wrong, I don’t want to sound accusatory, but it seems like there’s a disconnect here. More bad things happen to women, and that doesn’t seem

S: The tragedy is, more bad things do happen to women. But it’s not just in our circles, it’s all over. 80% of sexual assault victims are women. 60% of domestic violence victims are women.

If you’re saying there might be subtle biases that might make us, say, save a male over a female, then I think you’re off target. I can’t speak for everyone in our community, but by and large, we have a fairly conservative group of people, traditional, I mean, in the way we were taught to deal with the world. And in that mindset, you protect those who need it. If that means stepping between Diana and a nuclear weapon, or between Bruce and buckshot- you protect the people who need it. I’m reluctant to say what I think you might be angling for, because especially in the League it’s not strictly true, but classically women are the weaker sex- from a purely physical standpoint. That breaks down in the Watchtower, because Bruce is purely human, whereas Hawkgirl and Diana aren’t. Dinah could probably stomp all of the Robins; Batgirl certainly could. And Ollie might be stronger than Speedy, but if there’s a stick of dynamite in the room I need to save them both- but not necessarily Jesse Quick. What I’m trying to say is I sincerely do not believe that high female casualty rates can be blamed on us not wanting to save them, or even on subtle biases; if anything, our biases would push us in the opposite direction.

But if you’re asking if people like Luthor, like the Joker, have historically sought out women, going after perceived weak links, where we might be most vulnerable, where the pain might be the most severe- I think that may have happened in the past. It’s part of why we did what we did.

ID: The honeypot, right.

S: Yes. We wanted to make a better world. But like I said, a lot of us, myself included, we’re old-fashioned. Maybe I’m just being selfish, and I wanted to see that my wife was as safe as I could, or maybe it’s that my mom raised me to stand up for them, but we wanted to make a safer world for women. Because they just might be the ones who inherit the Earth.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Tuesday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Honey Pot

ID: I want to talk about the honey pot.

S: I chose you in spite of your work for that magazine, but if this question's going where I think it's going, this interview's done.

ID: No. This interview's a part of the honey pot, central to the idea. In our first segment, you “let slip” that Batman was Bruce Wayne; you also admitted that you were Clark Kent, married to Lois Lane. In the last few weeks, metahuman arrests in the vicinity of your two home addresses have increased ten-fold- and that’s according to the mostly public knowledge city police records, not counting the superhumans you and the government ship off to your superhuman Guantanamo. And I have it from a reliable confidential source

S: It's Ollie.

ID: What?

S: Anytime a reporter has a “confidential” source from inside the Justice League, it's Ollie. Even when he's not an active member, he's plugged into a lot of others in the community. And Ollie's always had a bit of a problem with the League. What was it he called us, a bunch of “floating fascists” looking down on humanity from our “Stalinist space station.” He gets very alliterative when he's perturbed. His basic concern is usually in the way we handle civil rights, due process. And he has a point, actually- that there aren't rules in the superhuman community. True, we're largely bound by the rules of our country of origin, or whatever local regulations apply, but as superhumans most of us aren't naturally subordinated to law and order like a regular citizen would be- if the cops came to arrest let's say Flash, they'd just have to hope that he was willing to come along quietly, because there's really no way on Earth they could forcibly subdue him. But Ollie's also a loud-mouth, and has a tendency to talk to reporters rather than voice his concerns to the rest of the League.

ID: Just for those who don't buy their Justice League trading cards on a weekly basis, you mean Oliver Queen, the Green Arrow.

S: Yeah.

ID: But what I was getting at, is I've heard it from a reliable source that the League used this interview to put that information into the hands of supercriminals. In essence, and I think the term comes from computer science, but you created a honey pot, to see who was foolish or opportunistic enough to attempt to attack you- that basically, you wanted people to take their cheap shot while they perceived you as weak. Is that true?

S: Yes.

ID: And are you really dying?

(pause)

S: Yes.

ID: Okay. I'm a journalist, and, as I'm sure you're aware, journalists are whores. But for services rendered, I want you to complete this interview, as outlined. No more funny-business, no half-truths, you want to use me to spread information, that’s fine, but I don’t want to become your propaganda wing.

S: Fair enough.

ID: All right. But out of curiosity, how did you do?

S: We've captured about 78% of our high-priority criminals.

ID: High priority?

S: Repeat violent offenders. I mean, there are plenty of costumed yahoos who knock over banks, steal technology, and generally cause a nuisance, but the high-priority cases are those who have repeatedly shown a preference for using violence, not merely in the commission of a crime, but as an end in itself.

ID: So you're talking the Joker, or a rapist like Dr. Light.

S: Yeah. You know, that still troubles me. The underreporting of rape, in our community both personally and professionally, is a stain on what we do. I remember when J'onn pulled me to the side one day, after the thing with Light came out, and we had a big meeting, and we were all shocked, and dismayed.

ID: J'onn J'onnz, the Martian Manhunter.

S: Yeah- and J'onn pulled me to the side. He was very careful to say he doesn't read people's minds without permission, but that there are some emotions that just basically attack him, that are so strong that he sees them without looking. I thought we had just been incredibly lucky, but as it turns out, the League sees roughly the same number of sexual assault cases as anyone in law enforcement, both in the people we help- and even a few League members themselves. And I asked J'onn to share with me everything he'd felt, to show me what he'd seen inadvertently, and he was very reluctant, and said my concern was enough, that he wanted to make sure we took steps, to get everyone counseling and training on dealing with sexual assault and its victims- but I told him it wasn't enough. I needed to know, and he showed me, and- and I actually cried.

I think I've been... insulated in Metropolis. It's a fairly nice city, with an extremely vigilant police force, but being faster than a speeding bullet, it never gets to that point in my city. So long as I'm in town, the moment someone cries out “help,” the attack is over. Of course, after talking with J'onn, I realized how many assaults probably happen quietly at home, date rape, even spousal rape, incest, molestation. As much as we've accomplished in Metropolis, there is still so much more to be done.

And the thing J'onn explained to me, was the statistics are too high. Rape is not an aberration, it isn't just the crazy and immoral people like Light who perpetrate it- the incidence is just too high. It's something normal people engage in- and I'm not even sure how you begin to combat that. How do you fight a culture where people are somehow getting the idea that that kind of behavior is acceptable?

ID: I have no idea.

S: Neither do I. It’s one of the few things I feel genuinely powerless against- and it isn’t a feeling I enjoy. But that’s why Bruce and I conceived the "honey pot." We won’t always be there- I think my illness has put that into stark relief. We wanted to take one last stab at making our friends and family safe. I’m sorry if I was dishonest in my motives, but I think the ends

ID: Justified the means?

S: I recognize that tone; I’ve used it often enough on Lex. But I’d prefer to sacrifice the principle, rather than lose another innocent person. I can stand for my reputation to be slightly tarnished; I couldn't stand “retiring,” knowing there was one more thing I should have done but for pride.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.