Valentine

Indecent Dichotomy: I want to say something: I had no idea that this weekend was Valentine's when I asked you about Diana last week.

Superman: I figured. You must not be married.

ID: No. Why?

S: Because no married man could get away with forgetting Valentine's.

ID: Ah. But I think you availed yourself well, all things considered- and really, I feel bad about the loaded question.

S: Well, I got lucky, actually.

ID:

S: Um, not what I meant.

ID: Yet you're not denying it. (pause) You know the whole glowing eyes thing isn't very nice.

S: No, I meant I was lucky, in that your question really hit something. Lois has- well, Lois is one of the most fascinating women in the world, but it can be hard for me to remember sometimes that for all of her strength, she's still a woman.

And she sees me spending time with really fairly attractive women in phenomenal shape because of what they do, um, oftentimes wearing, um, less than a professional woman otherwise might...

ID: It feels like we should have brought your lawyer- you seem to be choosing your words rather carefully.

S: As indeed I should. But head and shoulders above any of her colleagues, Diana is a, well, wonderful woman. And apparently Lois has always been, jealous isn't the right word, exactly, but

ID: I think we get the idea.

S: Well she isn't anymore. Officially. Apparently my answers last week helped sooth her savage beast, and,

ID: You got lucky. (laughter) You're almost the same shade of red as your cape. I'm counting that as a win.

S: Now you're just trying to get me in trouble.

ID: I'm trying to get you spanked- not quite the same thing.

S: It’s not really me you have to worry about; Lois often tells me, “I know people. They’d never even find the body.” Which is entirely possible. She’s done some reporting in very dangerous parts of the world- who knows what kinds of contacts she’s made.

ID: Something to keep in mind, but Valentine’s Day. What’d the two of you get up to?

S: I assume you mean in the light of day- I think Lois and I are pretty fortunate. We’ve been together for a while, now, and in that time we’ve had a lot of reasons to celebrate. My telling her the truth about who I am, our wedding,

ID: Your resurrection

S: (sigh) if you want to call it that. I think, doing what I do, I get a lot more highs and lows than most people, more tragedy and triumph. Lois and I get a lot of reasons to to be happy. And I don’t want to say that Valentine’s is less special because of that, but it can be hard to compare to

ID: One of you coming back to life after dying to save the other.

S: Really? You’re still stuck on that? Anyway, um, we flew to Hawaii, because Lois really likes this breed of flower they have, I forget the name, but it looks kind of like a horn, and the colors change from the rim, and there’s this long stamen- I think it’s a kind of hibiscus- but we flew there and took a walk along the edge of an active volcano, Kilauea, and then we picked flowers. And there’s this little French Bistro, in Paris, on the rue St. Louis-en-lle, where we had dinner. Then we retired to the Peruvian Fortress of Solitude for the evening.

ID: So all in all, it’s good to be Superman.

S: It is; though actually I hope it’s as good to be Superman’s wife.

ID: It sounds like it. I can’t imagine finding fault with that evening. Or is there something you’re glossing over?

S: Well... we were drinking wine, and watching Grey’s Anatomy on DVD- okay, I talked her into Grey’s Anatomy- she wanted to watch Desperate Housewives, and I heard about an emergency. I told Lois I had to go, and she flicked off the TV, and started walking towards the sleeping quarters, and said she’d get comfortable, and, uh then she looked over her shoulder and said, “Don’t make me wait too long, Smallville.” Of course, you have to imagine Lois saying it, because coming from me, well, it doesn’t have the right sound. I told her I didn’t really have to go. But she knows me too well, so even though I’ve finally gotten deadpan down, she saw right through me, laughed, and pointed at the door.

And the whole time I was flying, that stuck with me, “Don’t make me wait too long.” I didn’t. It might have been a record-breaking time for ending a hijacking- even for me. (pause) What?

ID: Sorry. Too often in our profession we get hung up on the disasters, and the tragedies- it’s so rare we get to bask in the simple adoration of a husband and wife.

S: Amen to that.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.

Wonderful

ID: I want to talk to you about Wonder Woman. I know this is something the pair of you have been pretty vague about in the past, but Diana- did it ever happen?

Superman: I’ve always had a lot of respect for Diana. I don’t know if there’s anyone else, besides my parents, that I respect more. Actually, strike that. The first time I met Diana… respect came later. I mean, she was really, really gorgeous. So respect came after I’d got through ogling her- which, you know, when you’ve got supersenses can take a while, the moment she stopped talking to Batman and I started listening to her, yeah, immediate respect. But that first time I met her, there was a moment I thought we’d end up being together, you know, start out working together, then get close, and eventually that partnership turns into a really strong relationship. I mean, we even wore the same colors, for God’s sake, so either she was my biggest fan, or we both just clicked on a fundamental level.

I think when I heard her speak I stopped thinking that way; I mean, I considered my mom a pretty strong feminist, and very independent and intelligent, while still being sort of traditional, but Diana was independent in an entirely different class. I mean, I like my women to be strong-willed, but Diana was- well, it would have been like dating Bruce if Bruce looked really good in a- what would you call that outfit of hers? It’d probably count as a bathing suit if she was swimming in it, but I guess, a fighting suit? I don’t know. God, that must come off as sexist.

ID: I don’t think so. I think it’s just culture shock. You’ve said before you were raised in a very rural, traditional kind of home, with very traditional values and gender roles. By contrast, Wonder Woman comes from a society entirely devoid of a second gender, let alone gender roles.

S: Yeah. And at the time I thought she might be a lesbian- not that I really knew exactly what that might mean, or that I actually knew a few lesbians who were nothing like her. But it was a different time, then, and I was a much more naïve man.

But there’s a part of me that’s always felt bad for Diana. I think she really wants to find something in this world, and most of the time she’s ended up with just incredibly horrible men- I mean, men who wouldn’t be good enough for her even if she wasn’t Wonder Woman- so I don’t know. I mean, one of her most stable relationships was with Bruce. The problem with Bruce’s relationships is always the same- he really wants love, and affection, and to belong- but at the same time, he really won’t let himself have those things. It’s why so many of his relationships end up shallow, and meaningless. A lot of it is self-flagellation, for failing to save his parents, for failing to save a lot of other people’s parents. Bruce finds a way to blame himself for every single tragedy in the world; it makes him the best there is at what he does, but it’s also the loneliest way to live I could imagine. But Diana… Diana was different, because she forced him to be different. Most any woman he can trick, or bully, or ignore, into getting what he wants out of a relationship, but she had his number. There wasn’t ever a time when she couldn’t push him into a place where they could both enjoy one another. I think it just fell apart at some point, and they’re both private enough I don’t really know why. If I had to guess, she might have just gotten tired of pushing; it could be one of the cyclical tragedies that seem to always follow Bruce interrupted them. I don’t really know. Maybe they’ll get back together some day. I don’t know. But they’re still really excellent friends, and I guess that’s far more important.

ID: I’m still choking a bit on the part about you thinking Wonder Woman was a lesbian.

S: Well, lesbian wasn’t a word I heard until high school, and I didn’t really understand what it meant until years later. I’ve known some really great women who happened to be gay, some in spandex and some not. Growing up in a small town, I'm sure I knew some lesbians- but I never would have known it, because they had to keep it a secret. It was just a much different time than today.

ID: You've only sort of answered my question. How do you feel about Diana?

S: I’m sure you’re going to get me into trouble with Lois, but I love Diana. There’ve been a lot of times where I’ve sat at home, listening to the radio, or watching her on the television, wiped from a day of saving people and reporting, being a husband and being a man, and there’s Diana, and she’s been working just as hard for just as long as me, but she’s standing up and speaking- eloquently- about whatever it is that needs speaking up about. And she's probably got an evening at a fund raiser planned after the speech.

She’s constantly in the public eye, whether it’s working as an ambassador, her work with the United Nations or the literally hundreds of charities and foundations she’s helped, she’s always out there. And it isn’t because she likes the limelight, or the publicity or the scrutiny, because as someone who has known her personally for years now, I can say, that’s not Diana. She’s out there because it’s where she needs to be. To say that she’s a wonderful woman is an understatement.

ID: Okay, and this question is maybe a little handing a man in a hole a shovel, but after saying all that, why do you think you ended up with Lois and never pursued Diana?

S: Diana is wonderful- at a minimum. And Diana is wonderful at and in almost everything. But for me- she’s just no Lois Lane.

ID: That is either the portrait of a man still very deeply in love with his wife, or very staunchly covering his ass.

S: Can’t it be both? (laughter) But seriously… Lois is exactly who I need, who I’ve always wanted. I’m trying to put it into a combination of words that isn’t stolen from Jerry Maguire.

In my, we’ll call it a costumed persona, I wear my heart and my ideals on my sleeve, while pushing my frustrations, and my faults down and away. Lois does the opposite. She puts her scars and her issues at the surface; sometimes she’s hiding away her very tender heart, and sometimes she’s simply out there to say, “this is who I am; these are my holes, my imperfections, and my flaws. Treasure me if you can, I have no time for you if you can’t.” She can be raw, and abrasive, even mean, at times, but it’s never because she’s anything but the sweetest woman in the world underneath. And all of these things, it might sound like I’m trying to connect her and myself to the seedier side of humanity, and in a way I guess that’s what I’m saying

ID: (shoveling sounds)

S: yes, all while digging deeper, is that she’s my anchor. It’s so easy to get lost, in your own nonsense or the world’s, and she keeps me grounded, keeps me sane, keeps me loving, and caring, and wanting to be the man she thinks I am- which, as much as every kid and parent in America idolizes and idealizes me, Lois has me on another realm of pedestals. But she doesn’t fault me for not being that ideal, she loves me for being the best man I can.

As much as I respect Diana, and cherish her example, she could never be that person for me- and Lois is.

We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.