Ignominious Dynasty: I want to talk about your Gulag.
Superman: Last week you called it a Guantanamo; ratcheting up the rhetoric, are we?
ID: No. You don’t get to be smug about this- especially after the way you’ve used this interview. Your prison- it’s, it's offensive. You hold people without trial, without access to representation, without the possibility of a writ. Whatever happened to truth, justice and the American way?
S: I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to be smug; at worst I was trying to deadpan. But my reply to your second question will come off smug, even though it isn’t meant to be: this is the American way. Guantanamo has been a political and martial reality for closing in on a decade. We have a new president, so that may be changing, but the fact of the matter is the American people knew about Guantanamo and enemy combatants long before they decided to let George Bush stay on as president after finishing Luthor's term.
But that's a side issue- a safe, philosophical discussion that I'm more than happy to engage in, but one whose implications are academic at this point. Because it isn't about civil liberties. It isn't even about justice. It's about safeguarding the public- and not just the American public, but people across the globe. And some of these threats are global- and all of the ones we admit into Super Max are terrorists who the normal criminal justice apparatus can't handle.
ID: Threats, not people? And I've heard the League use that word before, terrorists; so you're playing the “War on Terror” card?
S: I'm not saying it applies to every single metahuman; some are only involved in petty larceny, and frankly, I don't think anyone would want to apply the same extraordinary measures to someone like that. But you let a Dr. Psycho or a Grodd even talk to an attorney and there will be at a minimum a riot- more likely a massive break-out attempt. We’ve seen it happen.
ID: Okay- I’ll grant you criminals who can control minds are a special case, and prosecuting them might take some bending of the normal Constitutional protocols- but the fact remains that most of the superhumans in your Gulag could be granted free and fair trials.
S: They could. Our problem is most of them have. At present, our corrections departments just aren’t able to contain most superhumans; there are even issues holding onto nonsuperhumans who have spent time interacting with the superhuman community. Arkham Asylum in Gotham, which purports to be the most secure institute of its kind in the country, is practically a revolving door for psychopaths. The prison system at large is even worse- even when you don’t take into account government programs like the so-called “Suicide Squad” that encourage early release.
ID: So the ends justify the means once again.
S: This was never meant as a final solution- and don’t use that as an excuse to start drawing Nazi parallels- Super Max is meant to be a temporary holding facility until we can figure out how to provide justice for the inmates, and security for the rest of humanity.
I think our larger failing, and perhaps my largest failing, has been one of leadership. When there’s a flaming monster hell-bent on destroying a continent, the world’s best and brightest come running. But when it’s a complex sociopolitical problem, with necessities in every discipline ranging from legal to technological- there just isn’t the same kind of enthusiasm. And that’s where I think our League has failed, so far; we should have pushed people harder.
And maybe it's exposing the somewhat incestuous nature of our community, or perhaps just how insulated from the normal world we can be. Perhaps we've spent too much time lamenting the lack of superhuman lawyers, rather than spending that time recruiting lawyers willing to work with the superhuman community. But we're not starting to think autonomously; we aren't looking to set up tribunals, or presume to mete out sentences and punishments.
ID: We’re straying- which is entirely my fault. You’ve acknowledged that the new president means a change in policy at Guantanamo, which sounds like in your mind the two are linked. Are you saying that Super Max is on American soil, and that the president has sway over its administration?
S: Super Max, and I don’t think I’m overstepping too much, has always been a joint venture with the U.S. Government. It’s not officially a government entity, and no tax-payer funds are used to keep it running, but we regularly cooperate with federal entities. Something like a third of the inmates housed in Super Max are there as a result of federal investigations and arrests.
ID: I would ask why the government can capture these criminals but can’t house them.
S: Which seems like a reasonable question on its face. And with some, um, we’ll call them supercriminals, that makes sense. For Captain Cold, you take away his freeze gun, and he’s basically like any other convict. But for Icicle, basically the same powers, except he is the freeze gun. And this isn’t Powers- we can’t set somebody underneath a violet-tinged “power drainer” lamp and call them neutralized.
With Icicle specifically, we had to take special precautions. For one, he’s in an entirely separate cell block, with its own self-contained HVAC and water systems. The cell is constructed of a specially-developed insulating concrete; outside that is basically a thermal wall, constantly heated; so if Icicle penetrates his cell wall, he can’t freeze through this secondary wall- in fact, the ambient temperature from the thermal wall would keep him from generating freezing temperatures if he ever managed to expose it. And it’s an ongoing process. We were cautious to keep the piping separate- but apparently the water-heater for his cell block was within range of his abilities, and he managed to freeze that- basically flooding the entire cell block. More changes, more money.
The end goal is to create a sort of grudging stalemate, where the inmates realize they can’t escape and will stop trying- which is the usual status quo in the prison system. Then we can hand over the keys to the feds. Once the government has the option of locking them safely away, that’s when the possibility of real trials and real justice becomes viable. But the change in administrations does light a fire under us, one we weren't necessarily expecting, but one I think will help us move through what's been a more darkly gray area than some of us realized.
And obviously, from your reaction, we've made some missteps when it comes to how we communicate our goals to the public- and even our methods. It's something we'll try harder with. But honestly, as a reporter and a citizen- I value free and honest criticism: quis custodiet ipsos custodes. I don't think the League could or should function without it.
We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Honey Pot
ID: I want to talk about the honey pot.
S: I chose you in spite of your work for that magazine, but if this question's going where I think it's going, this interview's done.
ID: No. This interview's a part of the honey pot, central to the idea. In our first segment, you “let slip” that Batman was Bruce Wayne; you also admitted that you were Clark Kent, married to Lois Lane. In the last few weeks, metahuman arrests in the vicinity of your two home addresses have increased ten-fold- and that’s according to the mostly public knowledge city police records, not counting the superhumans you and the government ship off to your superhuman Guantanamo. And I have it from a reliable confidential source
S: It's Ollie.
ID: What?
S: Anytime a reporter has a “confidential” source from inside the Justice League, it's Ollie. Even when he's not an active member, he's plugged into a lot of others in the community. And Ollie's always had a bit of a problem with the League. What was it he called us, a bunch of “floating fascists” looking down on humanity from our “Stalinist space station.” He gets very alliterative when he's perturbed. His basic concern is usually in the way we handle civil rights, due process. And he has a point, actually- that there aren't rules in the superhuman community. True, we're largely bound by the rules of our country of origin, or whatever local regulations apply, but as superhumans most of us aren't naturally subordinated to law and order like a regular citizen would be- if the cops came to arrest let's say Flash, they'd just have to hope that he was willing to come along quietly, because there's really no way on Earth they could forcibly subdue him. But Ollie's also a loud-mouth, and has a tendency to talk to reporters rather than voice his concerns to the rest of the League.
ID: Just for those who don't buy their Justice League trading cards on a weekly basis, you mean Oliver Queen, the Green Arrow.
S: Yeah.
ID: But what I was getting at, is I've heard it from a reliable source that the League used this interview to put that information into the hands of supercriminals. In essence, and I think the term comes from computer science, but you created a honey pot, to see who was foolish or opportunistic enough to attempt to attack you- that basically, you wanted people to take their cheap shot while they perceived you as weak. Is that true?
S: Yes.
ID: And are you really dying?
(pause)
S: Yes.
ID: Okay. I'm a journalist, and, as I'm sure you're aware, journalists are whores. But for services rendered, I want you to complete this interview, as outlined. No more funny-business, no half-truths, you want to use me to spread information, that’s fine, but I don’t want to become your propaganda wing.
S: Fair enough.
ID: All right. But out of curiosity, how did you do?
S: We've captured about 78% of our high-priority criminals.
ID: High priority?
S: Repeat violent offenders. I mean, there are plenty of costumed yahoos who knock over banks, steal technology, and generally cause a nuisance, but the high-priority cases are those who have repeatedly shown a preference for using violence, not merely in the commission of a crime, but as an end in itself.
ID: So you're talking the Joker, or a rapist like Dr. Light.
S: Yeah. You know, that still troubles me. The underreporting of rape, in our community both personally and professionally, is a stain on what we do. I remember when J'onn pulled me to the side one day, after the thing with Light came out, and we had a big meeting, and we were all shocked, and dismayed.
ID: J'onn J'onnz, the Martian Manhunter.
S: Yeah- and J'onn pulled me to the side. He was very careful to say he doesn't read people's minds without permission, but that there are some emotions that just basically attack him, that are so strong that he sees them without looking. I thought we had just been incredibly lucky, but as it turns out, the League sees roughly the same number of sexual assault cases as anyone in law enforcement, both in the people we help- and even a few League members themselves. And I asked J'onn to share with me everything he'd felt, to show me what he'd seen inadvertently, and he was very reluctant, and said my concern was enough, that he wanted to make sure we took steps, to get everyone counseling and training on dealing with sexual assault and its victims- but I told him it wasn't enough. I needed to know, and he showed me, and- and I actually cried.
I think I've been... insulated in Metropolis. It's a fairly nice city, with an extremely vigilant police force, but being faster than a speeding bullet, it never gets to that point in my city. So long as I'm in town, the moment someone cries out “help,” the attack is over. Of course, after talking with J'onn, I realized how many assaults probably happen quietly at home, date rape, even spousal rape, incest, molestation. As much as we've accomplished in Metropolis, there is still so much more to be done.
And the thing J'onn explained to me, was the statistics are too high. Rape is not an aberration, it isn't just the crazy and immoral people like Light who perpetrate it- the incidence is just too high. It's something normal people engage in- and I'm not even sure how you begin to combat that. How do you fight a culture where people are somehow getting the idea that that kind of behavior is acceptable?
ID: I have no idea.
S: Neither do I. It’s one of the few things I feel genuinely powerless against- and it isn’t a feeling I enjoy. But that’s why Bruce and I conceived the "honey pot." We won’t always be there- I think my illness has put that into stark relief. We wanted to take one last stab at making our friends and family safe. I’m sorry if I was dishonest in my motives, but I think the ends
ID: Justified the means?
S: I recognize that tone; I’ve used it often enough on Lex. But I’d prefer to sacrifice the principle, rather than lose another innocent person. I can stand for my reputation to be slightly tarnished; I couldn't stand “retiring,” knowing there was one more thing I should have done but for pride.
We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.
S: I chose you in spite of your work for that magazine, but if this question's going where I think it's going, this interview's done.
ID: No. This interview's a part of the honey pot, central to the idea. In our first segment, you “let slip” that Batman was Bruce Wayne; you also admitted that you were Clark Kent, married to Lois Lane. In the last few weeks, metahuman arrests in the vicinity of your two home addresses have increased ten-fold- and that’s according to the mostly public knowledge city police records, not counting the superhumans you and the government ship off to your superhuman Guantanamo. And I have it from a reliable confidential source
S: It's Ollie.
ID: What?
S: Anytime a reporter has a “confidential” source from inside the Justice League, it's Ollie. Even when he's not an active member, he's plugged into a lot of others in the community. And Ollie's always had a bit of a problem with the League. What was it he called us, a bunch of “floating fascists” looking down on humanity from our “Stalinist space station.” He gets very alliterative when he's perturbed. His basic concern is usually in the way we handle civil rights, due process. And he has a point, actually- that there aren't rules in the superhuman community. True, we're largely bound by the rules of our country of origin, or whatever local regulations apply, but as superhumans most of us aren't naturally subordinated to law and order like a regular citizen would be- if the cops came to arrest let's say Flash, they'd just have to hope that he was willing to come along quietly, because there's really no way on Earth they could forcibly subdue him. But Ollie's also a loud-mouth, and has a tendency to talk to reporters rather than voice his concerns to the rest of the League.
ID: Just for those who don't buy their Justice League trading cards on a weekly basis, you mean Oliver Queen, the Green Arrow.
S: Yeah.
ID: But what I was getting at, is I've heard it from a reliable source that the League used this interview to put that information into the hands of supercriminals. In essence, and I think the term comes from computer science, but you created a honey pot, to see who was foolish or opportunistic enough to attempt to attack you- that basically, you wanted people to take their cheap shot while they perceived you as weak. Is that true?
S: Yes.
ID: And are you really dying?
(pause)
S: Yes.
ID: Okay. I'm a journalist, and, as I'm sure you're aware, journalists are whores. But for services rendered, I want you to complete this interview, as outlined. No more funny-business, no half-truths, you want to use me to spread information, that’s fine, but I don’t want to become your propaganda wing.
S: Fair enough.
ID: All right. But out of curiosity, how did you do?
S: We've captured about 78% of our high-priority criminals.
ID: High priority?
S: Repeat violent offenders. I mean, there are plenty of costumed yahoos who knock over banks, steal technology, and generally cause a nuisance, but the high-priority cases are those who have repeatedly shown a preference for using violence, not merely in the commission of a crime, but as an end in itself.
ID: So you're talking the Joker, or a rapist like Dr. Light.
S: Yeah. You know, that still troubles me. The underreporting of rape, in our community both personally and professionally, is a stain on what we do. I remember when J'onn pulled me to the side one day, after the thing with Light came out, and we had a big meeting, and we were all shocked, and dismayed.
ID: J'onn J'onnz, the Martian Manhunter.
S: Yeah- and J'onn pulled me to the side. He was very careful to say he doesn't read people's minds without permission, but that there are some emotions that just basically attack him, that are so strong that he sees them without looking. I thought we had just been incredibly lucky, but as it turns out, the League sees roughly the same number of sexual assault cases as anyone in law enforcement, both in the people we help- and even a few League members themselves. And I asked J'onn to share with me everything he'd felt, to show me what he'd seen inadvertently, and he was very reluctant, and said my concern was enough, that he wanted to make sure we took steps, to get everyone counseling and training on dealing with sexual assault and its victims- but I told him it wasn't enough. I needed to know, and he showed me, and- and I actually cried.
I think I've been... insulated in Metropolis. It's a fairly nice city, with an extremely vigilant police force, but being faster than a speeding bullet, it never gets to that point in my city. So long as I'm in town, the moment someone cries out “help,” the attack is over. Of course, after talking with J'onn, I realized how many assaults probably happen quietly at home, date rape, even spousal rape, incest, molestation. As much as we've accomplished in Metropolis, there is still so much more to be done.
And the thing J'onn explained to me, was the statistics are too high. Rape is not an aberration, it isn't just the crazy and immoral people like Light who perpetrate it- the incidence is just too high. It's something normal people engage in- and I'm not even sure how you begin to combat that. How do you fight a culture where people are somehow getting the idea that that kind of behavior is acceptable?
ID: I have no idea.
S: Neither do I. It’s one of the few things I feel genuinely powerless against- and it isn’t a feeling I enjoy. But that’s why Bruce and I conceived the "honey pot." We won’t always be there- I think my illness has put that into stark relief. We wanted to take one last stab at making our friends and family safe. I’m sorry if I was dishonest in my motives, but I think the ends
ID: Justified the means?
S: I recognize that tone; I’ve used it often enough on Lex. But I’d prefer to sacrifice the principle, rather than lose another innocent person. I can stand for my reputation to be slightly tarnished; I couldn't stand “retiring,” knowing there was one more thing I should have done but for pride.
We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Superman Returns
ID: I want to take a break from the heavy stuff. I want to talk about Bryan Singer
S: Oh Lord
ID: Funny choice of words.
S:. Look. I'm not the messiah. I have no pretensions to godhood, and when I signed off on Singer's biopic, with the proceeds purportedly going to charity, I had no idea the turns it would take. Obviously, there were certain things that I shared with them, and other things, like the romance between Lois and I, that were based on rumors and used artistic license to craft what I imagine they assumed would be a more engaging story.
ID: So you’re saying you never left Lois heavy with your bastard (or worse, left her to “deal” with it)?
S: Do you think it’s even possible I’d have an illegitimate son? My own father would have put a shotgun to my head if that happened- besides which, obviously, Lois and I are actually married, and have no children. And I am firmly against abortion.
ID: Whoa.
S: That seems like a revelation to you, and it’s something I’ve tried to keep to myself, but it comes with the super senses. I can hear a fetus- the heartbeat, sounds of its organs, even the noise it makes as its first cells divide. I don't know if that's when life begins or not, and I'm not sure if that makes me anti-choice- it’s an argument I’ve half-had with my wife- but I have trouble saying a woman should be forced to incubate a child she never intended to carry, too. Frankly, it’s a decision I’m thankful isn’t mine to make.
ID: Hmm. Okay, let’s back up a little bit. How did you feel when you heard the Superman Charity Movie Project, as it was called then by Warner Bros., was going to be headed by Bryan Singer?
S: Singer’s a really excellent director. He’s good at taking very cerebral, complicated and complex stories and ideas and blending them with action into a cogent whole that’s satisfying over a 2-hour span.
ID: So there wasn't any trepidation that he would use the movie as a commentary on the gay experience in America, in much the same way he did in the X-Men films.
S: You know, I never really thought about it like that. I guess he did in certain scenes underscore the mutant conflict in such a way to draw parallels to homosexuality, but it never really felt burdensome
ID: Except maybe in that Iceman scene.
S: Yeah, maybe then.
ID: So you weren’t troubled when you heard rumors Singer had an agenda with the movie, that he was perhaps going out of his way to find a gay Superman who would then come out during publicity for the film.
S: You know, I wasn’t, really. I think, when I was younger, fresh out of school, still uncertain about myself and untested, and still largely ignorant of what being a homosexual was, I think it might have bothered me, that people might have inferred that I was gay, or assumed that I was part of pushing a homosexual agenda. But I’m to a point in my life now where I don’t care. In fact, if I could lend some of my, uh,
ID: Credibility
S: right, to the idea of homosexual rights, then that would be a positive thing.
The only uncomfortable part would be that I'd be pushed to answer whether or not I was a homosexual, which is something I don't want to do, because the denial assumes there’s something wrong with being gay; I’m comfortable enough with myself and my sexuality that I don’t care what people whisper behind my back, but there are people, here and abroad, who would view me differently, might even be more reluctant to accept my help. But as far as personally, anyone who might decide to treat me differently because of a perceived flaw- particularly where the flaw was in their thinking and not in mine or anyone else’s lifestyle- I just don’t have time to concern myself with that kind of person.
And, I mean, Lois has a way of reassuring me, and I don’t just mean that in a dirty kind of way, but she’s just, anything that’s bothering me, she can make it all okay.
ID: I have to ask: what was with the Kryptonite island?
S: You know, what’s funny is the original script for the movie was darker. I’ve read parts of it, particularly the heroic moments, and it featured Luthor and a robotic menace which was based pretty faithfully on something he actually did, and he got a court order banning them from using it. I mean, his legal team tied up a dozen different drafts of the film, to the point where I think they just gave up, and went for something a little bit silly, because they figured they could sell that without Luthor raising a stink. Of course, his final lawsuit was simply for points on the gross. The ending amount that went to charity was a few hundred thousand dollars; Bruce ribbed me that I’d let them violate my legacy for the amount he weekly writes a check for for combating AIDS in Africa. And it wasn’t actually Hollywood accounting this time; the FX budget was enormous, and Luthor cost them a good chunk with all his legal challenges. And, you know, people just didn’t see it like Warner thought they might.
ID: But what about the... undertones of the film?
S: I’ll say this again, once more, for the record: I have no overarching messiah complex. I want to help people, I believe, with my abilities, I have a responsibility to help people- I believe that it's the purpose for which I was brought to this planet.
ID: So you believe in fate?
S: I believe in order. I'm not certain enough of what that order's purpose is- even if there's any kind of consciousness behind the organization of things- but I've seen enough of the Universe to say that entropy isn't the only force at work in shaping things. There's some meaning out there, even if you sometimes have to get out there and make it.
ID: But isn't it's true that you've been the center of your own religious tradition.
S: There was a cult that emerged around the time of my “death” fighting Doomsday, but I certainly never cultivated it, never encouraged it- in fact, at every opportunity, I've encouraged people not to follow it as a religion. Religion is something bigger than me, bigger than the things even I do. Some days I struggle to be a good husband and man- I'm just not up to the task of being someone's God.
We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.
S: Oh Lord
ID: Funny choice of words.
S:
ID: So you’re saying you never left Lois heavy with your bastard (or worse, left her to “deal” with it)?
S: Do you think it’s even possible I’d have an illegitimate son? My own father would have put a shotgun to my head if that happened- besides which, obviously, Lois and I are actually married, and have no children. And I am firmly against abortion.
ID: Whoa.
S: That seems like a revelation to you, and it’s something I’ve tried to keep to myself, but it comes with the super senses. I can hear a fetus- the heartbeat, sounds of its organs, even the noise it makes as its first cells divide. I don't know if that's when life begins or not, and I'm not sure if that makes me anti-choice- it’s an argument I’ve half-had with my wife- but I have trouble saying a woman should be forced to incubate a child she never intended to carry, too. Frankly, it’s a decision I’m thankful isn’t mine to make.
ID: Hmm. Okay, let’s back up a little bit. How did you feel when you heard the Superman Charity Movie Project, as it was called then by Warner Bros., was going to be headed by Bryan Singer?
S: Singer’s a really excellent director. He’s good at taking very cerebral, complicated and complex stories and ideas and blending them with action into a cogent whole that’s satisfying over a 2-hour span.
ID: So there wasn't any trepidation that he would use the movie as a commentary on the gay experience in America, in much the same way he did in the X-Men films.
S: You know, I never really thought about it like that. I guess he did in certain scenes underscore the mutant conflict in such a way to draw parallels to homosexuality, but it never really felt burdensome
ID: Except maybe in that Iceman scene.
S: Yeah, maybe then.
ID: So you weren’t troubled when you heard rumors Singer had an agenda with the movie, that he was perhaps going out of his way to find a gay Superman who would then come out during publicity for the film.
S: You know, I wasn’t, really. I think, when I was younger, fresh out of school, still uncertain about myself and untested, and still largely ignorant of what being a homosexual was, I think it might have bothered me, that people might have inferred that I was gay, or assumed that I was part of pushing a homosexual agenda. But I’m to a point in my life now where I don’t care. In fact, if I could lend some of my, uh,
ID: Credibility
S: right, to the idea of homosexual rights, then that would be a positive thing.
The only uncomfortable part would be that I'd be pushed to answer whether or not I was a homosexual, which is something I don't want to do, because the denial assumes there’s something wrong with being gay; I’m comfortable enough with myself and my sexuality that I don’t care what people whisper behind my back, but there are people, here and abroad, who would view me differently, might even be more reluctant to accept my help. But as far as personally, anyone who might decide to treat me differently because of a perceived flaw- particularly where the flaw was in their thinking and not in mine or anyone else’s lifestyle- I just don’t have time to concern myself with that kind of person.
And, I mean, Lois has a way of reassuring me, and I don’t just mean that in a dirty kind of way, but she’s just, anything that’s bothering me, she can make it all okay.
ID: I have to ask: what was with the Kryptonite island?
S: You know, what’s funny is the original script for the movie was darker. I’ve read parts of it, particularly the heroic moments, and it featured Luthor and a robotic menace which was based pretty faithfully on something he actually did, and he got a court order banning them from using it. I mean, his legal team tied up a dozen different drafts of the film, to the point where I think they just gave up, and went for something a little bit silly, because they figured they could sell that without Luthor raising a stink. Of course, his final lawsuit was simply for points on the gross. The ending amount that went to charity was a few hundred thousand dollars; Bruce ribbed me that I’d let them violate my legacy for the amount he weekly writes a check for for combating AIDS in Africa. And it wasn’t actually Hollywood accounting this time; the FX budget was enormous, and Luthor cost them a good chunk with all his legal challenges. And, you know, people just didn’t see it like Warner thought they might.
ID: But what about the... undertones of the film?
S: I’ll say this again, once more, for the record: I have no overarching messiah complex. I want to help people, I believe, with my abilities, I have a responsibility to help people- I believe that it's the purpose for which I was brought to this planet.
ID: So you believe in fate?
S: I believe in order. I'm not certain enough of what that order's purpose is- even if there's any kind of consciousness behind the organization of things- but I've seen enough of the Universe to say that entropy isn't the only force at work in shaping things. There's some meaning out there, even if you sometimes have to get out there and make it.
ID: But isn't it's true that you've been the center of your own religious tradition.
S: There was a cult that emerged around the time of my “death” fighting Doomsday, but I certainly never cultivated it, never encouraged it- in fact, at every opportunity, I've encouraged people not to follow it as a religion. Religion is something bigger than me, bigger than the things even I do. Some days I struggle to be a good husband and man- I'm just not up to the task of being someone's God.
We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Last Son
Indirect Distraction: I kind of feel like we’ve been straying from the point- it’s interesting to hear you talk, candidly, about your relationships, but I think we should refocus. You’ve been called ‘the man of tomorrow’ and ‘the last son of Krypton,’ but how do you think your illness impacts either of these?
Superman: I think there was still a sense, when I first, um, arrived on the scene, as it were, that we were still on the cusp of the future. That jetpacks and an end to disease were coming, soon, if we could just hold our breath a little longer. I think that’s where the whole ‘man of tomorrow’ thing comes from. People thought, in a few years, that will be me, or at the least in a few years that’ll be my kids. When people learned that I was from another planet, that I had future technology in my hands, well, that just played into it all the more.
As to being the last son of Krypton… I’m not. At least, not strictly. Because there’s Kara.
ID: Your cousin, Supergirl.
S: That’s… always a really weird thing for me to hear her called. I don’t remember much about Krypton- at that age the world was mostly shapes and colors- but I remember quite distinctly my mother, my father, and Kara. She used to, I guess babysit, would be the word. And when my father sent me to Earth in a rocket, he sent Kara, too, to look after me. It was rotten luck that caused her ship to be damaged in the planet’s explosion. At the time, physically, and emotionally, she was about the equivalent of 16. So at least chronologically, she’s older than I am- it’s odd for me to think of her as a girl.
ID: Yet she is a girl, though she’s blossoming, becoming a woman. How’s, how is your relationship, now? Do you find yourself mentoring her?
S: Obviously, yes. It’s a very odd state of affairs. When it comes to Krypton or things Kryptonian, when I’m with her, I feel very much like I’m a Native American kid raised off the reservation, who’s been playing cowboys and Indians because that’s the closest reasonable facsimile I had. But she knows the people and the culture that I largely missed out on. The robots and the technology my father sent me with taught me how to read, write and speak Kryptonese, but she taught me my first Kryptonian swear words, and tells me stories about Kryptonian food, the way it tasted, the way it smelled. She’s still working with Earth ingredients, trying to capture the proper flavor and texture. Kara really is the last Kryptonian survivor- and I’m happy its legacy rests with her- I always felt like I was a fake- I know Krypton from books and pictures, and video archives- she smelled its air, felt its wind on her skin- Krypton’s a fairy tale to me, but for Kara, it was home.
Of course on Earth, especially interacting with humans, the tables are completely reversed. I’ve lived on Earth more than twice as long as she was on Krypton- and I was raised by human beings. And she has lots of questions, which she’s finally gotten comfortable enough to ask- though it’s mostly just culture shock.
ID: About that, I actually sort of wanted to ask, who was responsible for the design of her costume, or is it based on traditional Kryptonian garb, and the planet really was the paradise it’s sometimes described as?
S: Careful.
ID: Aww- you’re defending your cousin’s honor.
S: Not at all. Kara’s a big girl- with an exceptional left hook. I speak with absolutely no hyperbole when I say she could take your jaw clean off- and might. She’s still learning about human customs and vulnerabilities.
But you’re pouring a bit of salt in a wound there, actually. Kara’s had a rough time adjusting. I don’t want to… go into her past- I think revealing certain things would be breaking her trust. But suffice it to say that she has lingering issues with her father.
ID: All right. Let me ask a hard question. Kara’s certainly had a rough time, including some rather nasty press coverage coming out of the Daily Planet. But putting that S on her chest, it’s a lot to live up to- you’ve made it a lot to live up to. And with your illness, she isn’t just there to augment you, pretty soon she’s going to be the standard bearer of that symbol. Do you think she’s up to the task?
S: I do. I’ve seen a lot of people try to do this, and it’s really, really tough work, emotionally. It grinds some people to dust, and consumes others. But what it takes to succeed in this is an unwillingness to bend in the face of adversity. Kara’s held on a lot longer than most, through some of the toughest times I’ve seen, and I think if she can go just a little longer, she’ll break through, and be the kind of hero she wants to be, which will put her on the path to the hero the world is going to ask her to be.
ID: So you think she’ll make a suitable replacement for you when you’ve passed?
S: God, I hope not. Because Kara’s her own person. I want her to be who she is, to find that place that I’ve been lucky enough to find, where the kind of person the world wants you to be and the kind of person you want to be aren’t mutually exclusive, and at least for me, have been complementary. I don’t want Kara shoe-horned into my roles in the community, because they wouldn’t suit her; she has to find her own path and her own way. I mean, I’m proud of her already, as proud as any father could be, but I’m disappointed, too, that I won’t get to see it all the way through.
ID: God. Um, I’m sorry. I’d forgotten, my condolences, about your own father.
S: Yeah, thank you. He… he was my dad, you know? There were times we disagreed, hell, even fought, over the right direction for me, for my life. But any time we argued, and he didn’t know if I was right, didn’t know if it could ever be right to interfere in such a massive way, I’d tell him, “I may not always be right, dad, but I’ll always do right by those who depend on me. Because that’s the kind of man you raised me to be.” I’m going to miss him, so much.
We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.
Superman: I think there was still a sense, when I first, um, arrived on the scene, as it were, that we were still on the cusp of the future. That jetpacks and an end to disease were coming, soon, if we could just hold our breath a little longer. I think that’s where the whole ‘man of tomorrow’ thing comes from. People thought, in a few years, that will be me, or at the least in a few years that’ll be my kids. When people learned that I was from another planet, that I had future technology in my hands, well, that just played into it all the more.
As to being the last son of Krypton… I’m not. At least, not strictly. Because there’s Kara.
ID: Your cousin, Supergirl.
S: That’s… always a really weird thing for me to hear her called. I don’t remember much about Krypton- at that age the world was mostly shapes and colors- but I remember quite distinctly my mother, my father, and Kara. She used to, I guess babysit, would be the word. And when my father sent me to Earth in a rocket, he sent Kara, too, to look after me. It was rotten luck that caused her ship to be damaged in the planet’s explosion. At the time, physically, and emotionally, she was about the equivalent of 16. So at least chronologically, she’s older than I am- it’s odd for me to think of her as a girl.
ID: Yet she is a girl, though she’s blossoming, becoming a woman. How’s, how is your relationship, now? Do you find yourself mentoring her?
S: Obviously, yes. It’s a very odd state of affairs. When it comes to Krypton or things Kryptonian, when I’m with her, I feel very much like I’m a Native American kid raised off the reservation, who’s been playing cowboys and Indians because that’s the closest reasonable facsimile I had. But she knows the people and the culture that I largely missed out on. The robots and the technology my father sent me with taught me how to read, write and speak Kryptonese, but she taught me my first Kryptonian swear words, and tells me stories about Kryptonian food, the way it tasted, the way it smelled. She’s still working with Earth ingredients, trying to capture the proper flavor and texture. Kara really is the last Kryptonian survivor- and I’m happy its legacy rests with her- I always felt like I was a fake- I know Krypton from books and pictures, and video archives- she smelled its air, felt its wind on her skin- Krypton’s a fairy tale to me, but for Kara, it was home.
Of course on Earth, especially interacting with humans, the tables are completely reversed. I’ve lived on Earth more than twice as long as she was on Krypton- and I was raised by human beings. And she has lots of questions, which she’s finally gotten comfortable enough to ask- though it’s mostly just culture shock.
ID: About that, I actually sort of wanted to ask, who was responsible for the design of her costume, or is it based on traditional Kryptonian garb, and the planet really was the paradise it’s sometimes described as?
S: Careful.
ID: Aww- you’re defending your cousin’s honor.
S: Not at all. Kara’s a big girl- with an exceptional left hook. I speak with absolutely no hyperbole when I say she could take your jaw clean off- and might. She’s still learning about human customs and vulnerabilities.
But you’re pouring a bit of salt in a wound there, actually. Kara’s had a rough time adjusting. I don’t want to… go into her past- I think revealing certain things would be breaking her trust. But suffice it to say that she has lingering issues with her father.
ID: All right. Let me ask a hard question. Kara’s certainly had a rough time, including some rather nasty press coverage coming out of the Daily Planet. But putting that S on her chest, it’s a lot to live up to- you’ve made it a lot to live up to. And with your illness, she isn’t just there to augment you, pretty soon she’s going to be the standard bearer of that symbol. Do you think she’s up to the task?
S: I do. I’ve seen a lot of people try to do this, and it’s really, really tough work, emotionally. It grinds some people to dust, and consumes others. But what it takes to succeed in this is an unwillingness to bend in the face of adversity. Kara’s held on a lot longer than most, through some of the toughest times I’ve seen, and I think if she can go just a little longer, she’ll break through, and be the kind of hero she wants to be, which will put her on the path to the hero the world is going to ask her to be.
ID: So you think she’ll make a suitable replacement for you when you’ve passed?
S: God, I hope not. Because Kara’s her own person. I want her to be who she is, to find that place that I’ve been lucky enough to find, where the kind of person the world wants you to be and the kind of person you want to be aren’t mutually exclusive, and at least for me, have been complementary. I don’t want Kara shoe-horned into my roles in the community, because they wouldn’t suit her; she has to find her own path and her own way. I mean, I’m proud of her already, as proud as any father could be, but I’m disappointed, too, that I won’t get to see it all the way through.
ID: God. Um, I’m sorry. I’d forgotten, my condolences, about your own father.
S: Yeah, thank you. He… he was my dad, you know? There were times we disagreed, hell, even fought, over the right direction for me, for my life. But any time we argued, and he didn’t know if I was right, didn’t know if it could ever be right to interfere in such a massive way, I’d tell him, “I may not always be right, dad, but I’ll always do right by those who depend on me. Because that’s the kind of man you raised me to be.” I’m going to miss him, so much.
We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
World's Finest
Indiana Drones: I want to talk to you about Bruce.
Superman: You mean Batman?
ID: I suppose you probably know other Bruce's, don't you, yes, Bruce Wayne, the Batman. You seem to have a lot of respect for him, and at the same time, you often compare him to Lex Luthor, who a lot of people have compared to Saddam Hussein.
S: That's true, but I think that comparison is usually because Bruce is entirely different from Lex. He's an example of how it could be with Lex-
ID: But the sort of reverse of that is that Lex is how Bruce could have turned out if things had been different.
S: I don't think so; Bruce would tell you that his life was shaped by tragedy, that he's much more a product of his childhood than a creature of willpower, but I think that's just one of the many masks Bruce likes to wear. He doesn't... like acknowledging who he really is. That's why Bruce Wayne is a foppish caricature- because Bruce is afraid of being discovered.
ID: So you're saying it had nothing to do with hiding his identity?
S: I don't think it was a very effective way of hiding his identity, no. I mean, the easiest way to hide his identity would be to use commercially available weapons in his arsenal. He once let slip that his annual batarang budget usually averaged $200,000 dollars. Of course, that's not counting the Chinese smugglers he paid to bring him the supplies from the Russian arms dealers who smithed them. If he'd just used guns, or, in keeping with his creed, stun guns, he could have kept his costs within at least the realm of believability for a normal citizen. As a mask it was completely ineffectual- and Bruce is anything but ineffectual.
The one, defining characteristic of Bruce's is willpower. Most people, if they lost their parents like that, they'd drown themselves in pills or booze or whatever other things their vast riches could buy them. The rest would have buried themselves in friends and psychologists, and cried it out until they found a way to move past it.
Bruce was past it immediately. And like most people faced with horror, he grit his teeth and said “Never again.” But unlike most people, he's spent his entire life doing everything he can to live up to that. I'm sure he could quote chapter and verse the litany of times he's failed- and if you took him at his word, and counted, you might be as heartbroken as he is, but I'm not. I'm heartened by that. Because Bruce knows the name of everyone he's ever failed, and he knows how. He cares that damn much. There are times when I find myself sitting at home in bed, ready for rest, warm and comfortable in my bed, with Lois curled around me, and I'll hear a scream, and hesitate. But in that moment's hesitation (which for me takes a fraction of a second), I ask myself what Bruce would do, and getting out of bed's a little easier.
ID: So respect is
S: Putting it lightly, yeah. Bruce is my yardstick in a lot of things.
ID: Like?
S: Bruce is really the bravest man I know. It doesn’t take anything exceptional to be a good person when you’re raised in a safe, loving environment; it doesn’t take courage for a bulletproof man to stand between innocent people and a gun. But there is nothing I would do to protect innocent people Bruce would hesitate from doing- many of which I would survive while he would not. That’s why I say that.
ID: Okay, well given your mutual affection, why do you think
S: Affection is too strong. I think Bruce respects me. No, scratch that- I know he does. He doesn't want to admit it- and he certainly doesn't like that anyone close to him knows, but he does. Because Bruce likes to be in control. Because of his childhood, because of that massive and traumatic loss of control when his parents were murdered in front of him, he needs to be in control. And that's why Batman is who Batman is- because even though he's known most of us and worked with us for years, even though most of us are smart enough and responsible and capable enough to handle ourselves without his guiding hand, it's a fundamental part of Bruce's character.
And I think, especially, he feels that he has to be humanity's representative with the league. It's not something he aspired to; he's certainly tried to convince other “human” heroes to step forward and take that mantle, most notably Ollie, but at the end of the day he's always the one who brings us our human perspective, who keeps our day to day activities grounded in the same soil where most of the people who depend on us walk.
ID: Okay. But why didn't you and Bruce work together. Gotham is close enough he could probably fling a batarang into Metropolis from there.
S: There's a long and short answer to that. “I work alone.”
ID: That's a pretty good Batman.
S: Exceptional vocal muscle control.
ID: And the long answer?
S: Bruce wasn't ready for a partner yet- which, I suppose, could have been his meaning- though I doubt he'd admit anything so personal while in costume. But he wasn't ready for the tragedy of losing anyone else in his life- and not just to danger, he couldn't have handled getting close to someone and then having them move on to another relationship, another friendship, a job in another city or whatever. He was still extraordinarily fragile, because emotionally he'd never taken the time to process what happened to his parents. And because on some level Bruce understood that, he kept everyone at arm's length. Look at that time of his life- his only real friends and confidants were people he knew before his parents' murder- he didn't let new people in. He joined the League before he ever met Robin, but he was only ever there out of necessity; at the slightest breeze he was gone, mentally if not physically. But it was Robin, really, who helped him open up. I think it was seeing his own tragedy unfold in someone else's life, and realizing that he alone couldn't stop that history from repeating, I think that's what opened him up again to being a part of something larger than himself.
ID: I take it, then, that you asked him.
S: Yeah, of course I did. I was kind of a dumb kid from the sticks in Kansas- and Krypton- and he was- well, he was the Batman. I still felt self-conscious in my red and blue space police uniform, but he was cool- he was actually a little intimidating in that pointy-eared cowl.
ID: So were you at all disappointed to find out Batman was only human?
S: No- I was more impressed. Here was a guy who could do all kinds of amazing things that he had figured out for himself- or trained for a lifetime to do. There isn't a lot of video footage of the Batman in action, so there aren’t many opportunities to see it for yourself, but the closest thing I can think of is ballet. Watching him work, it's like a ballet- it's brutally, brutally violent- but at the same time, there's a visual beauty to it- it’s watching a master artisan practice an art honed over years of training. I’m just an alien who can shoot heat out his eyes; Bruce makes art with his hands and his mind. To quote Lois, I’m lucky she met me first- though I think she just says that to make me feel self-conscious.
We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.
Superman: You mean Batman?
ID: I suppose you probably know other Bruce's, don't you, yes, Bruce Wayne, the Batman. You seem to have a lot of respect for him, and at the same time, you often compare him to Lex Luthor, who a lot of people have compared to Saddam Hussein.
S: That's true, but I think that comparison is usually because Bruce is entirely different from Lex. He's an example of how it could be with Lex-
ID: But the sort of reverse of that is that Lex is how Bruce could have turned out if things had been different.
S: I don't think so; Bruce would tell you that his life was shaped by tragedy, that he's much more a product of his childhood than a creature of willpower, but I think that's just one of the many masks Bruce likes to wear. He doesn't... like acknowledging who he really is. That's why Bruce Wayne is a foppish caricature- because Bruce is afraid of being discovered.
ID: So you're saying it had nothing to do with hiding his identity?
S: I don't think it was a very effective way of hiding his identity, no. I mean, the easiest way to hide his identity would be to use commercially available weapons in his arsenal. He once let slip that his annual batarang budget usually averaged $200,000 dollars. Of course, that's not counting the Chinese smugglers he paid to bring him the supplies from the Russian arms dealers who smithed them. If he'd just used guns, or, in keeping with his creed, stun guns, he could have kept his costs within at least the realm of believability for a normal citizen. As a mask it was completely ineffectual- and Bruce is anything but ineffectual.
The one, defining characteristic of Bruce's is willpower. Most people, if they lost their parents like that, they'd drown themselves in pills or booze or whatever other things their vast riches could buy them. The rest would have buried themselves in friends and psychologists, and cried it out until they found a way to move past it.
Bruce was past it immediately. And like most people faced with horror, he grit his teeth and said “Never again.” But unlike most people, he's spent his entire life doing everything he can to live up to that. I'm sure he could quote chapter and verse the litany of times he's failed- and if you took him at his word, and counted, you might be as heartbroken as he is, but I'm not. I'm heartened by that. Because Bruce knows the name of everyone he's ever failed, and he knows how. He cares that damn much. There are times when I find myself sitting at home in bed, ready for rest, warm and comfortable in my bed, with Lois curled around me, and I'll hear a scream, and hesitate. But in that moment's hesitation (which for me takes a fraction of a second), I ask myself what Bruce would do, and getting out of bed's a little easier.
ID: So respect is
S: Putting it lightly, yeah. Bruce is my yardstick in a lot of things.
ID: Like?
S: Bruce is really the bravest man I know. It doesn’t take anything exceptional to be a good person when you’re raised in a safe, loving environment; it doesn’t take courage for a bulletproof man to stand between innocent people and a gun. But there is nothing I would do to protect innocent people Bruce would hesitate from doing- many of which I would survive while he would not. That’s why I say that.
ID: Okay, well given your mutual affection, why do you think
S: Affection is too strong. I think Bruce respects me. No, scratch that- I know he does. He doesn't want to admit it- and he certainly doesn't like that anyone close to him knows, but he does. Because Bruce likes to be in control. Because of his childhood, because of that massive and traumatic loss of control when his parents were murdered in front of him, he needs to be in control. And that's why Batman is who Batman is- because even though he's known most of us and worked with us for years, even though most of us are smart enough and responsible and capable enough to handle ourselves without his guiding hand, it's a fundamental part of Bruce's character.
And I think, especially, he feels that he has to be humanity's representative with the league. It's not something he aspired to; he's certainly tried to convince other “human” heroes to step forward and take that mantle, most notably Ollie, but at the end of the day he's always the one who brings us our human perspective, who keeps our day to day activities grounded in the same soil where most of the people who depend on us walk.
ID: Okay. But why didn't you and Bruce work together. Gotham is close enough he could probably fling a batarang into Metropolis from there.
S: There's a long and short answer to that. “I work alone.”
ID: That's a pretty good Batman.
S: Exceptional vocal muscle control.
ID: And the long answer?
S: Bruce wasn't ready for a partner yet- which, I suppose, could have been his meaning- though I doubt he'd admit anything so personal while in costume. But he wasn't ready for the tragedy of losing anyone else in his life- and not just to danger, he couldn't have handled getting close to someone and then having them move on to another relationship, another friendship, a job in another city or whatever. He was still extraordinarily fragile, because emotionally he'd never taken the time to process what happened to his parents. And because on some level Bruce understood that, he kept everyone at arm's length. Look at that time of his life- his only real friends and confidants were people he knew before his parents' murder- he didn't let new people in. He joined the League before he ever met Robin, but he was only ever there out of necessity; at the slightest breeze he was gone, mentally if not physically. But it was Robin, really, who helped him open up. I think it was seeing his own tragedy unfold in someone else's life, and realizing that he alone couldn't stop that history from repeating, I think that's what opened him up again to being a part of something larger than himself.
ID: I take it, then, that you asked him.
S: Yeah, of course I did. I was kind of a dumb kid from the sticks in Kansas- and Krypton- and he was- well, he was the Batman. I still felt self-conscious in my red and blue space police uniform, but he was cool- he was actually a little intimidating in that pointy-eared cowl.
ID: So were you at all disappointed to find out Batman was only human?
S: No- I was more impressed. Here was a guy who could do all kinds of amazing things that he had figured out for himself- or trained for a lifetime to do. There isn't a lot of video footage of the Batman in action, so there aren’t many opportunities to see it for yourself, but the closest thing I can think of is ballet. Watching him work, it's like a ballet- it's brutally, brutally violent- but at the same time, there's a visual beauty to it- it’s watching a master artisan practice an art honed over years of training. I’m just an alien who can shoot heat out his eyes; Bruce makes art with his hands and his mind. To quote Lois, I’m lucky she met me first- though I think she just says that to make me feel self-conscious.
We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Valentine
Indecent Dichotomy: I want to say something: I had no idea that this weekend was Valentine's when I asked you about Diana last week.
Superman: I figured. You must not be married.
ID: No. Why?
S: Because no married man could get away with forgetting Valentine's.
ID: Ah. But I think you availed yourself well, all things considered- and really, I feel bad about the loaded question.
S: Well, I got lucky, actually.
ID:
S: Um, not what I meant.
ID: Yet you're not denying it. (pause) You know the whole glowing eyes thing isn't very nice.
S: No, I meant I was lucky, in that your question really hit something. Lois has- well, Lois is one of the most fascinating women in the world, but it can be hard for me to remember sometimes that for all of her strength, she's still a woman.
And she sees me spending time with really fairly attractive women in phenomenal shape because of what they do, um, oftentimes wearing, um, less than a professional woman otherwise might...
ID: It feels like we should have brought your lawyer- you seem to be choosing your words rather carefully.
S: As indeed I should. But head and shoulders above any of her colleagues, Diana is a, well, wonderful woman. And apparently Lois has always been, jealous isn't the right word, exactly, but
ID: I think we get the idea.
S: Well she isn't anymore. Officially. Apparently my answers last week helped sooth her savage beast, and,
ID: You got lucky. (laughter) You're almost the same shade of red as your cape. I'm counting that as a win.
S: Now you're just trying to get me in trouble.
ID: I'm trying to get you spanked- not quite the same thing.
S: It’s not really me you have to worry about; Lois often tells me, “I know people. They’d never even find the body.” Which is entirely possible. She’s done some reporting in very dangerous parts of the world- who knows what kinds of contacts she’s made.
ID: Something to keep in mind, but Valentine’s Day. What’d the two of you get up to?
S: I assume you mean in the light of day- I think Lois and I are pretty fortunate. We’ve been together for a while, now, and in that time we’ve had a lot of reasons to celebrate. My telling her the truth about who I am, our wedding,
ID: Your resurrection
S: (sigh) if you want to call it that. I think, doing what I do, I get a lot more highs and lows than most people, more tragedy and triumph. Lois and I get a lot of reasons to to be happy. And I don’t want to say that Valentine’s is less special because of that, but it can be hard to compare to
ID: One of you coming back to life after dying to save the other.
S: Really? You’re still stuck on that? Anyway, um, we flew to Hawaii, because Lois really likes this breed of flower they have, I forget the name, but it looks kind of like a horn, and the colors change from the rim, and there’s this long stamen- I think it’s a kind of hibiscus- but we flew there and took a walk along the edge of an active volcano, Kilauea, and then we picked flowers. And there’s this little French Bistro, in Paris, on the rue St. Louis-en-lle, where we had dinner. Then we retired to the Peruvian Fortress of Solitude for the evening.
ID: So all in all, it’s good to be Superman.
S: It is; though actually I hope it’s as good to be Superman’s wife.
ID: It sounds like it. I can’t imagine finding fault with that evening. Or is there something you’re glossing over?
S: Well... we were drinking wine, and watching Grey’s Anatomy on DVD- okay, I talked her into Grey’s Anatomy- she wanted to watch Desperate Housewives, and I heard about an emergency. I told Lois I had to go, and she flicked off the TV, and started walking towards the sleeping quarters, and said she’d get comfortable, and, uh then she looked over her shoulder and said, “Don’t make me wait too long, Smallville.” Of course, you have to imagine Lois saying it, because coming from me, well, it doesn’t have the right sound. I told her I didn’t really have to go. But she knows me too well, so even though I’ve finally gotten deadpan down, she saw right through me, laughed, and pointed at the door.
And the whole time I was flying, that stuck with me, “Don’t make me wait too long.” I didn’t. It might have been a record-breaking time for ending a hijacking- even for me. (pause) What?
ID: Sorry. Too often in our profession we get hung up on the disasters, and the tragedies- it’s so rare we get to bask in the simple adoration of a husband and wife.
S: Amen to that.
We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.
Superman: I figured. You must not be married.
ID: No. Why?
S: Because no married man could get away with forgetting Valentine's.
ID: Ah. But I think you availed yourself well, all things considered- and really, I feel bad about the loaded question.
S: Well, I got lucky, actually.
ID:
S: Um, not what I meant.
ID: Yet you're not denying it. (pause) You know the whole glowing eyes thing isn't very nice.
S: No, I meant I was lucky, in that your question really hit something. Lois has- well, Lois is one of the most fascinating women in the world, but it can be hard for me to remember sometimes that for all of her strength, she's still a woman.
And she sees me spending time with really fairly attractive women in phenomenal shape because of what they do, um, oftentimes wearing, um, less than a professional woman otherwise might...
ID: It feels like we should have brought your lawyer- you seem to be choosing your words rather carefully.
S: As indeed I should. But head and shoulders above any of her colleagues, Diana is a, well, wonderful woman. And apparently Lois has always been, jealous isn't the right word, exactly, but
ID: I think we get the idea.
S: Well she isn't anymore. Officially. Apparently my answers last week helped sooth her savage beast, and,
ID: You got lucky. (laughter) You're almost the same shade of red as your cape. I'm counting that as a win.
S: Now you're just trying to get me in trouble.
ID: I'm trying to get you spanked- not quite the same thing.
S: It’s not really me you have to worry about; Lois often tells me, “I know people. They’d never even find the body.” Which is entirely possible. She’s done some reporting in very dangerous parts of the world- who knows what kinds of contacts she’s made.
ID: Something to keep in mind, but Valentine’s Day. What’d the two of you get up to?
S: I assume you mean in the light of day- I think Lois and I are pretty fortunate. We’ve been together for a while, now, and in that time we’ve had a lot of reasons to celebrate. My telling her the truth about who I am, our wedding,
ID: Your resurrection
S: (sigh) if you want to call it that. I think, doing what I do, I get a lot more highs and lows than most people, more tragedy and triumph. Lois and I get a lot of reasons to to be happy. And I don’t want to say that Valentine’s is less special because of that, but it can be hard to compare to
ID: One of you coming back to life after dying to save the other.
S: Really? You’re still stuck on that? Anyway, um, we flew to Hawaii, because Lois really likes this breed of flower they have, I forget the name, but it looks kind of like a horn, and the colors change from the rim, and there’s this long stamen- I think it’s a kind of hibiscus- but we flew there and took a walk along the edge of an active volcano, Kilauea, and then we picked flowers. And there’s this little French Bistro, in Paris, on the rue St. Louis-en-lle, where we had dinner. Then we retired to the Peruvian Fortress of Solitude for the evening.
ID: So all in all, it’s good to be Superman.
S: It is; though actually I hope it’s as good to be Superman’s wife.
ID: It sounds like it. I can’t imagine finding fault with that evening. Or is there something you’re glossing over?
S: Well... we were drinking wine, and watching Grey’s Anatomy on DVD- okay, I talked her into Grey’s Anatomy- she wanted to watch Desperate Housewives, and I heard about an emergency. I told Lois I had to go, and she flicked off the TV, and started walking towards the sleeping quarters, and said she’d get comfortable, and, uh then she looked over her shoulder and said, “Don’t make me wait too long, Smallville.” Of course, you have to imagine Lois saying it, because coming from me, well, it doesn’t have the right sound. I told her I didn’t really have to go. But she knows me too well, so even though I’ve finally gotten deadpan down, she saw right through me, laughed, and pointed at the door.
And the whole time I was flying, that stuck with me, “Don’t make me wait too long.” I didn’t. It might have been a record-breaking time for ending a hijacking- even for me. (pause) What?
ID: Sorry. Too often in our profession we get hung up on the disasters, and the tragedies- it’s so rare we get to bask in the simple adoration of a husband and wife.
S: Amen to that.
We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Wonderful
ID: I want to talk to you about Wonder Woman. I know this is something the pair of you have been pretty vague about in the past, but Diana- did it ever happen?
Superman: I’ve always had a lot of respect for Diana. I don’t know if there’s anyone else, besides my parents, that I respect more. Actually, strike that. The first time I met Diana… respect came later. I mean, she was really, really gorgeous. So respect came after I’d got through ogling her- which, you know, when you’ve got supersenses can take a while, the moment she stopped talking to Batman and I started listening to her, yeah, immediate respect. But that first time I met her, there was a moment I thought we’d end up being together, you know, start out working together, then get close, and eventually that partnership turns into a really strong relationship. I mean, we even wore the same colors, for God’s sake, so either she was my biggest fan, or we both just clicked on a fundamental level.
I think when I heard her speak I stopped thinking that way; I mean, I considered my mom a pretty strong feminist, and very independent and intelligent, while still being sort of traditional, but Diana was independent in an entirely different class. I mean, I like my women to be strong-willed, but Diana was- well, it would have been like dating Bruce if Bruce looked really good in a- what would you call that outfit of hers? It’d probably count as a bathing suit if she was swimming in it, but I guess, a fighting suit? I don’t know. God, that must come off as sexist.
ID: I don’t think so. I think it’s just culture shock. You’ve said before you were raised in a very rural, traditional kind of home, with very traditional values and gender roles. By contrast, Wonder Woman comes from a society entirely devoid of a second gender, let alone gender roles.
S: Yeah. And at the time I thought she might be a lesbian- not that I really knew exactly what that might mean, or that I actually knew a few lesbians who were nothing like her. But it was a different time, then, and I was a much more naïve man.
But there’s a part of me that’s always felt bad for Diana. I think she really wants to find something in this world, and most of the time she’s ended up with just incredibly horrible men- I mean, men who wouldn’t be good enough for her even if she wasn’t Wonder Woman- so I don’t know. I mean, one of her most stable relationships was with Bruce. The problem with Bruce’s relationships is always the same- he really wants love, and affection, and to belong- but at the same time, he really won’t let himself have those things. It’s why so many of his relationships end up shallow, and meaningless. A lot of it is self-flagellation, for failing to save his parents, for failing to save a lot of other people’s parents. Bruce finds a way to blame himself for every single tragedy in the world; it makes him the best there is at what he does, but it’s also the loneliest way to live I could imagine. But Diana… Diana was different, because she forced him to be different. Most any woman he can trick, or bully, or ignore, into getting what he wants out of a relationship, but she had his number. There wasn’t ever a time when she couldn’t push him into a place where they could both enjoy one another. I think it just fell apart at some point, and they’re both private enough I don’t really know why. If I had to guess, she might have just gotten tired of pushing; it could be one of the cyclical tragedies that seem to always follow Bruce interrupted them. I don’t really know. Maybe they’ll get back together some day. I don’t know. But they’re still really excellent friends, and I guess that’s far more important.
ID: I’m still choking a bit on the part about you thinking Wonder Woman was a lesbian.
S: Well, lesbian wasn’t a word I heard until high school, and I didn’t really understand what it meant until years later. I’ve known some really great women who happened to be gay, some in spandex and some not. Growing up in a small town, I'm sure I knew some lesbians- but I never would have known it, because they had to keep it a secret. It was just a much different time than today.
ID: You've only sort of answered my question. How do you feel about Diana?
S: I’m sure you’re going to get me into trouble with Lois, but I love Diana. There’ve been a lot of times where I’ve sat at home, listening to the radio, or watching her on the television, wiped from a day of saving people and reporting, being a husband and being a man, and there’s Diana, and she’s been working just as hard for just as long as me, but she’s standing up and speaking- eloquently- about whatever it is that needs speaking up about. And she's probably got an evening at a fund raiser planned after the speech.
She’s constantly in the public eye, whether it’s working as an ambassador, her work with the United Nations or the literally hundreds of charities and foundations she’s helped, she’s always out there. And it isn’t because she likes the limelight, or the publicity or the scrutiny, because as someone who has known her personally for years now, I can say, that’s not Diana. She’s out there because it’s where she needs to be. To say that she’s a wonderful woman is an understatement.
ID: Okay, and this question is maybe a little handing a man in a hole a shovel, but after saying all that, why do you think you ended up with Lois and never pursued Diana?
S: Diana is wonderful- at a minimum. And Diana is wonderful at and in almost everything. But for me- she’s just no Lois Lane.
ID: That is either the portrait of a man still very deeply in love with his wife, or very staunchly covering his ass.
S: Can’t it be both? (laughter) But seriously… Lois is exactly who I need, who I’ve always wanted. I’m trying to put it into a combination of words that isn’t stolen from Jerry Maguire.
In my, we’ll call it a costumed persona, I wear my heart and my ideals on my sleeve, while pushing my frustrations, and my faults down and away. Lois does the opposite. She puts her scars and her issues at the surface; sometimes she’s hiding away her very tender heart, and sometimes she’s simply out there to say, “this is who I am; these are my holes, my imperfections, and my flaws. Treasure me if you can, I have no time for you if you can’t.” She can be raw, and abrasive, even mean, at times, but it’s never because she’s anything but the sweetest woman in the world underneath. And all of these things, it might sound like I’m trying to connect her and myself to the seedier side of humanity, and in a way I guess that’s what I’m saying
ID: (shoveling sounds)
S: yes, all while digging deeper, is that she’s my anchor. It’s so easy to get lost, in your own nonsense or the world’s, and she keeps me grounded, keeps me sane, keeps me loving, and caring, and wanting to be the man she thinks I am- which, as much as every kid and parent in America idolizes and idealizes me, Lois has me on another realm of pedestals. But she doesn’t fault me for not being that ideal, she loves me for being the best man I can.
As much as I respect Diana, and cherish her example, she could never be that person for me- and Lois is.
We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.
Superman: I’ve always had a lot of respect for Diana. I don’t know if there’s anyone else, besides my parents, that I respect more. Actually, strike that. The first time I met Diana… respect came later. I mean, she was really, really gorgeous. So respect came after I’d got through ogling her- which, you know, when you’ve got supersenses can take a while, the moment she stopped talking to Batman and I started listening to her, yeah, immediate respect. But that first time I met her, there was a moment I thought we’d end up being together, you know, start out working together, then get close, and eventually that partnership turns into a really strong relationship. I mean, we even wore the same colors, for God’s sake, so either she was my biggest fan, or we both just clicked on a fundamental level.
I think when I heard her speak I stopped thinking that way; I mean, I considered my mom a pretty strong feminist, and very independent and intelligent, while still being sort of traditional, but Diana was independent in an entirely different class. I mean, I like my women to be strong-willed, but Diana was- well, it would have been like dating Bruce if Bruce looked really good in a- what would you call that outfit of hers? It’d probably count as a bathing suit if she was swimming in it, but I guess, a fighting suit? I don’t know. God, that must come off as sexist.
ID: I don’t think so. I think it’s just culture shock. You’ve said before you were raised in a very rural, traditional kind of home, with very traditional values and gender roles. By contrast, Wonder Woman comes from a society entirely devoid of a second gender, let alone gender roles.
S: Yeah. And at the time I thought she might be a lesbian- not that I really knew exactly what that might mean, or that I actually knew a few lesbians who were nothing like her. But it was a different time, then, and I was a much more naïve man.
But there’s a part of me that’s always felt bad for Diana. I think she really wants to find something in this world, and most of the time she’s ended up with just incredibly horrible men- I mean, men who wouldn’t be good enough for her even if she wasn’t Wonder Woman- so I don’t know. I mean, one of her most stable relationships was with Bruce. The problem with Bruce’s relationships is always the same- he really wants love, and affection, and to belong- but at the same time, he really won’t let himself have those things. It’s why so many of his relationships end up shallow, and meaningless. A lot of it is self-flagellation, for failing to save his parents, for failing to save a lot of other people’s parents. Bruce finds a way to blame himself for every single tragedy in the world; it makes him the best there is at what he does, but it’s also the loneliest way to live I could imagine. But Diana… Diana was different, because she forced him to be different. Most any woman he can trick, or bully, or ignore, into getting what he wants out of a relationship, but she had his number. There wasn’t ever a time when she couldn’t push him into a place where they could both enjoy one another. I think it just fell apart at some point, and they’re both private enough I don’t really know why. If I had to guess, she might have just gotten tired of pushing; it could be one of the cyclical tragedies that seem to always follow Bruce interrupted them. I don’t really know. Maybe they’ll get back together some day. I don’t know. But they’re still really excellent friends, and I guess that’s far more important.
ID: I’m still choking a bit on the part about you thinking Wonder Woman was a lesbian.
S: Well, lesbian wasn’t a word I heard until high school, and I didn’t really understand what it meant until years later. I’ve known some really great women who happened to be gay, some in spandex and some not. Growing up in a small town, I'm sure I knew some lesbians- but I never would have known it, because they had to keep it a secret. It was just a much different time than today.
ID: You've only sort of answered my question. How do you feel about Diana?
S: I’m sure you’re going to get me into trouble with Lois, but I love Diana. There’ve been a lot of times where I’ve sat at home, listening to the radio, or watching her on the television, wiped from a day of saving people and reporting, being a husband and being a man, and there’s Diana, and she’s been working just as hard for just as long as me, but she’s standing up and speaking- eloquently- about whatever it is that needs speaking up about. And she's probably got an evening at a fund raiser planned after the speech.
She’s constantly in the public eye, whether it’s working as an ambassador, her work with the United Nations or the literally hundreds of charities and foundations she’s helped, she’s always out there. And it isn’t because she likes the limelight, or the publicity or the scrutiny, because as someone who has known her personally for years now, I can say, that’s not Diana. She’s out there because it’s where she needs to be. To say that she’s a wonderful woman is an understatement.
ID: Okay, and this question is maybe a little handing a man in a hole a shovel, but after saying all that, why do you think you ended up with Lois and never pursued Diana?
S: Diana is wonderful- at a minimum. And Diana is wonderful at and in almost everything. But for me- she’s just no Lois Lane.
ID: That is either the portrait of a man still very deeply in love with his wife, or very staunchly covering his ass.
S: Can’t it be both? (laughter) But seriously… Lois is exactly who I need, who I’ve always wanted. I’m trying to put it into a combination of words that isn’t stolen from Jerry Maguire.
In my, we’ll call it a costumed persona, I wear my heart and my ideals on my sleeve, while pushing my frustrations, and my faults down and away. Lois does the opposite. She puts her scars and her issues at the surface; sometimes she’s hiding away her very tender heart, and sometimes she’s simply out there to say, “this is who I am; these are my holes, my imperfections, and my flaws. Treasure me if you can, I have no time for you if you can’t.” She can be raw, and abrasive, even mean, at times, but it’s never because she’s anything but the sweetest woman in the world underneath. And all of these things, it might sound like I’m trying to connect her and myself to the seedier side of humanity, and in a way I guess that’s what I’m saying
ID: (shoveling sounds)
S: yes, all while digging deeper, is that she’s my anchor. It’s so easy to get lost, in your own nonsense or the world’s, and she keeps me grounded, keeps me sane, keeps me loving, and caring, and wanting to be the man she thinks I am- which, as much as every kid and parent in America idolizes and idealizes me, Lois has me on another realm of pedestals. But she doesn’t fault me for not being that ideal, she loves me for being the best man I can.
As much as I respect Diana, and cherish her example, she could never be that person for me- and Lois is.
We’ll be trying to bring you a new section of the interview every Monday. Some of the questions have already been prepared by the interviewer, but to ask Superman a question, leave a comment or send an email to DeathofSuperman@gmail.com.
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